Was I too mean to my boyfriend?

Last week I got up one weekend morning and found my b/f passed out on my deck. He had been out drinking w/ his buddies and for some reason decided to sleep outside. He didnt remember how he got there. For the record, this is NOT something he does a lot but it still rubbed me the wrong way...i worry and stuff.

Anyway, I wanted to try and teach him a lesson so while he was passed out I hid his glasses. He litterally can't see past his nose w/o them and for some fool reason he doesn't have another pair. When I went out to check on him later he was finally awake, and sure enough, crawling around trying to find his glasses. When he asked me where they were I told him that he wasn't wearing them when I found him outside. Of course he was near panic because he's basically helpless w/o them and it takes forever to get another pair made because his prescription is so bad. So I let him go on thinking he lost his only pair of glasses and he spent the whole day feeling his way around and bumping into things...like walls. It was kind of cute in a way (yeah, guess I'm a sick bitch) .

Finally around bed time I decided he's suffered enough and I gave him back his glasses. Of course he was very relieved and asked where I found them. Then I told him that I had them the whole time and why. I half expected him to get mad. But instead I hurt his feelings. I felt terrible when he gave me that lost puppydog look and said "do you have any idea how scared I was?" All was forgiven by the next day and it hasn't been mentioned since but i still feel guilty. Did I do something too mean to him or were both of us just over reacting?

 

Yeah that was dishonest, I would've just talked to him about his behavior instead of creating some lesson for him like some kind of she-god.... its not fair.

 

Bad idea. You taught him a lesson about the quality of your character, not his.

 

agreed

it was above and beyond, especially sine you said he rarely overdrinks and pulls stupid shit like that

 

ok, ok, it wasn't very nice. but it's not like I hid his cell or (even worse) his 360 controllers. i was just mad that he did something as careless as getting that messed up. i mean, i didnt want to nag him about it. i knew he was a little rattled about not having his glasses but i didnt know he was that scared. maybe me and him should talk about it but i dont know what to say.

 

Hey, he's a human just like everyone else. So he made a mistake, big fucking deal.

Just understand that you, me, and everyone else on this goddamn world fucks up at some point, and that we just have to forgive eachother for our shortcomings.

We're only human after all.

 

that is really messed up

 

bahahaha, that's hilarious. sounds like something i'd do to a mate if they needed glasses that bad.

cheer up people, its not that bad.

It's only mean because you're his other half, he would trust you a whole heap. Maybe make up for it by buying him something. I'm not sure what your bf's like but if my gf bought me lunch or something for no reason or even did something for me that i know she doesn't like me doing, ie told me to go out with my mates on a saturday night drinking, well then he'd understand more that you're truly sorry and not just saying something.

give him a bit of freedom that he doesn't normally get and he'll greatly appreciate it

 

Has he moved out yet?

 

+1. It would not have been as bad if he woke up without them and 3 minutes later you gave them to him, but all day... Bad call

 

I would have put you in an oven and set it at 450F mark for that stunt.

He came to your house at the moment of weakness. He could have went anywhere else, but wanted to be close to you.
You are both young, enjoy this time, you will laugh at it later in life and wish for such silly things to happen.

 

Taking his glasses and watching him stumble around wasn't cool. How would you like it if he did something that left you feeling vulnerable and scared all day? You'd probably be mad, hurt, feel betrayed, and not trust him.

In the future just try to think "how would I feel if the same thing was done to me." Not so much the glasses, but how would you feel if you screwed up and someone used your vulnerabilities to teach you a lesson.

 

agrees with his eden

 

Thought i would give every1 an update on my little stunt. first, some good came out of it cause it motivated my b/f to do a big search of his place and he finally found his spare glasses that he had long lost track of.

he and i were having breakfast w/ my sister a few days ago and the subject of what i did came up. she got more pissed at me than he did. shes going to college for opthomety so she had a good idea what it was like for him to be w/o his glasses. anyway, she said she knew a way to show me what it was like from his end. she got his prescription (I guess -17.0 is supposed to be pretty bad) and that night she came over w/ a pair of contact lenses that would make my vision just like his. I had used colored contacts before so she knew i could get these in my eyes w/o problms.

So i put them in and WOW! so thats what things look like for b/f. it was like looking thru a frosted up window. so b/f got his old glasses and gave them to me to wear. i could see but i felt really dizzy. it felt like i was really tall or something cause everything looked a lot smaller. after a few minutes sis walked up and took away the glasses and set them down somewhere. i felt just like the chick on scooby doo! i couldnt see to find the glasses!

now i know how he felt...sort of. i mean i knew that all i had to do was take out the contacts to return to the land of the sighted but b/f didnt have that option when i hid his specs. to be honest i dont know how he keeps from living in fear of losing them or maybe he does and hides it well. it's gotta really bite knowing you can be rendered helpless so easilly.

so yeah, i deserved the kick in the ass i got from every1 here. lesson learned...making b/f think he lost his much-needed glasses and leaving him scared and helpless for an entire day is not cool.

 

In a way you assumed a parental role in the relationship- doling out punishment when he misbehaves. Given the fact that he doesn't get fucked up like that often would you think that such a "lesson" is called for? Hiding the specs, while very uncool, is beside the point.

 

OP:
Not kicking your ass, but i have to agree. You're his girlfriend, not his mother. AND you're both adults. It's not within your job description to discipline him like a little boy. But at least you admitted your mistake - good for you, don't do it again. And kudos to your sister for helping you understand a little of what your bf goes through.

Peace,

Musikero

 

I would pay attention to this thought right here. You seem to feel, imthatkindagirl, that people should be punished for things.

Perhaps subconsciously you did it so you in turn would be reprimanded. Disciplinarians have a very complex relationship with guilt and sado-masochism --- and don't always realize punishment only reinforces behavioral patterns. Further, punishment might be a way to self-indulge in feeling guilty.

In the end, the disciplinarian also wants to be punished and certainly doesn't want to run out people to discipline.

Then again, your boyfriend hasn't reacted so he's definetely a part of the disciplinarian-disciplined dynamic. I hope I'm not being intrusive, I would just suggest you take this opportunity to talk to him and reflect on roles you guys might be playing so both of you are more fulfilled.

 

You bitch, you should have gave him a cup of coffe and a BJ...
Some Gf you are!

 

I'm glad y ou learned from it after reading your seccond post. Hiding someone's glasses is not a good punishment. Just talk whenever you haev a problem with something he does, talk to him, have him explain and explain how you feel. That does work better and it can cause none of those kind of things.

 

I think it is a great joke and lesson. You did the right thing.