was I raped and did I make too much about it?

When I was 15, I was a weird nerd. I was a little odd plus the language barrier. I had made one friend. And we were very close my best of best friends. I always felt like I was attracted to girls but I a bit did feel something with guys which I knew was wrong. I don't really believe in same sex relations like being gay. Anyway they were sporadic and fleeting. Well there was this guy who caught my eye. I thought he was charming had good humor and cute. Plus he was tall he drew me in. I was crazy about him despite it went against every moral I had. I grew up in a religious community and I had been pretty religious. I never even wore shorts. Wanted to save myself for marriage didn't drink or smoke. I didn't even masturbate or even entertain sexual thoughts before I knew him. I praised GOD and I didn't just do it as when I needed something. I tried to be ever mindful of GOD and I even fasted when I was supposed to never miss church as that's how I was raised to be. Yet when this guy came along I thought of him all the time just to see him for a second. He was my distraction. I at one point said he was a great guy and confided to my bff a lot about how I felt about him. We started to text and it got intimate he asked if I was gay a virgin what underwear I was wearing. This was a few months into our friendship. I obliged and engaged in sexual banter. He kissed me soon after he tried to touch me I swatted his hand away and wouldn't let him go further he got pissed. We kissed a few times and I felt bad about it. I don't if it was my morals or just the fact I'd never been this sexual with anyone. I felt bad about it all. But I pretended I gave up my faith. I was tired of missing out. Well time went past we got closer and my mom was moving. So I wouldn't see him any longer. He said he needed to see me one last time. I came by he was weird that day and took a drink he offered which wasn't even alcoholic yet I felt so intoxicated another mistake and I was really drugged and like I couldn't say no or yes just was there and I don't even remember having sex I was so out and it went all black just I found myself nude in his bed his room blood running down my legs and had an erection. I felt violated stupid and used. I went home and bawled for hours. Dived into a deep depression started developing a cutting issue. He threatened me if I told no one would believe me and I knew he was right. I'm too scared to really tell anyone. It was like I felt no one would believe me. I sent seductive texts and photos and videos of myself masturbating to him before this incident. How would anyone believe since I said in my text I wanted to have sex with him and I regret it because it was more just what I was saying I wanted but wouldn't actually to do. Like when you cybersex you never plan to actually meet in real life if it's just simple cyber sex. My family would hate me forever for it. For my part in it. I hate what I did and fault myself for pretty much everything. And I feel so mistrustful it's like I built a wall against anyone around me that was close to protect me. I cut everyone out f my life for fear of being hurt I just can't seem to cope. Was I raped and any advice at all?

 

sounds like rape to me

 

It does sound like you were raped
I know it might be hard for you ,but you need to tell someone.
Dont give him the chance to do that to someone else.
Your deffintaly not overreacting you were violated and you have every right to feel the way you do.
Im sorry that you had to do through that.
If you need anyone to talk to you can pm me.

 

if you are from a religious background i recommend you keep it to yourself

as pathetic as it sounds

speak perhaps to professionals with confidentiality.

 

I wasn't done editting and I know I'm too scared to actually tell anyone I know I don't want to be judged badly. I know I was stupid and made a lot of mistakes. I rather not have most know that. If it's only going to be a bad result. More I just need to fix the damage I guess counseling would be good. Would they just tell my parents though.

 

how old are you now?

confidentiality agreements likely vary from place to place.

 

I`m sorry, but to me your facts are jumbled enough (especially without editing) and your actions and motives mixed enough to make me suspect that you`re backward-rationalizing.

But, by all means, get counseling if that`s what you want. The only way I would consider it rape would be if he put roofies or some other date rape substance in your drink.

But your chronology seems to fly in the face of that hypothesis. I would worry less about labeling the experience, and more about facing the feelings themselves...
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Cockteasing is no justification for rape, but I hope you find mutually beneficial ways to connect with people in the future. Compatibility is my fetish.

 

IMO, anything you say in this kind of situation should be confidential since, you may fuck around and get taken to court for slander, if anything.

Which would be within his right since you have no evidence or witness at this point. Or, you may want to simply refer to it as a "bad experience" to protect yourself against that eventuality.

 

Umm didn't you read I wasn't supposed to be at all drunk since I wasn't drinking an alcoholic beverage. Obviously something was in it. I never drank in my life knowingly at least.
Btw if you read the beginning it said I do have a language barrier so I'm not a native English speaker. I'll explain what happened in what order. I don't really get what you mean chronologically speaking. I was friends with him, very interested in him, we texted a lot soon into it all, we texted inappropiately hung out a lot, had a few kisses later on but I always declined sex, mom decides she's moving, and I can no longer see him. So the last time I see him. I drink something he offered on my last visit at his place that's NON-alcoholic that leaves me incapacitated, and unable to respond in the way I wanted to, to the point I black out while he took my clothes off over a non-alcoholic beverage. He has sex with me in this state. I asked is this rape or not.
If I had just had a chance to respond to say no I would've I had no intention in having sex with him. It was just a farewell.

 

I'm 17 so a minor so wouldn't they have to report it?

 

When did this happen? If you haven't taken a shower since it happened, you can likely go to the hospital and get a rape kit. If you want something to be done to this guy, you're gonna have to do it. You're going to have to report it, you're going to have to talk to someone about it. ESPECIALLY if the age of consent in your state is over 17. The sooner you report it, the better, the longer you wait, the harder it will be to get any hard evidence. And for God's sakes, keep it between you and the cops, you don't want this to come back on you since there are texts and evidence that doesn't look great on your part.

 

it's not really to either of you about me reporting it as rape. I don't want that I just want help for myself. But I don't know if I can without ruining everything since I'm still a minor. I was 15 when it happened so I guess to a point it was stat rape since he was 18. But the issue isn't that for me actually the opposite. I just need a place to talk more so.

 

Ah, I see. Is there a counselor at your school? Do you go to school? There are people who can and will talk to you about it.

 

i don't really think it matters if it was rape or not, it was a sexual experience that has mentally damaged you. a counselor will help with this but i'm shocked nobody has brought up something more important... your sexuality. if you're gay (most gay men start as bi-curious then by their mid-twenties are gay) then you don't want to go the rest of your life repressing that and feeling awful all the time. you need to get in touch with your sexuality and put your religion aside until you've figured things out. do you think there aren't gay christians? because there are


just so everyone is clear i don't think you have a choice in being gay/straight/bi... i meant "by their mid-twenties theyre gay" as in they've figured out their sexuality, not they turned gay. just to be clear

 

and they wouldn't have to report? I heard once one did for someone else. I just don't want it to go back to my parents.

 

if you're that worried then wait until you're 18, but i don't suggest that.

 

I was more wondering if it were rape because I don't want a counselor to have to report it since I'm a minor and all.

umm well lately no. Even when I liked him I still liked girls. I don't think I'll all of a sudden stop having sexual thoughts of girls. I have really thought of only girls lately like this past year. Which I've tried to suppress since I'm not married. I don't believe in sex outside of marriage. And since then I regained my faith. So yea....

 

Dearest, Dearest OP,

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER listen to this GARBAGE with which you will hear your entire life- YOU ARE IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU- NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY

All your life, you will hear, there is no justification for rape, BUT...

There is no justification for rape, BUT...

Don't let this toxin destroy you......However I must warn you that the DA & the Cops usually won't give a damn, except for you're age- what a GODDAMN pity you didn't get to the hospital for a semen sampling and some toxicity report b/c it sounds like GHB or Rophynl (sp?)- and due to your age PERHAPS someone MAY give a damn but that's not for sure, and do be honest due to the fact it was a same sex rape, that's probably even less incentive for a District Attorney- and the investigation is as traumatizing as the event itself in most cases.

OP- I cannot even begin to tell you how my heart breaks for you- HARBOR NO GUILT- NOT ONE FUCKING SHRED- And ANYONE who tells you to- Is only a one of the weak willed, insidious and old fashioned morons of which our cultured still wreaks. It's amazing you have survived this experience.

 

You bring up a good point, Ramona- the cops and the DA will turn what those texts into GUILT and SHAME, it's perverse. The system is so sick. As if they had ANYTHING to with rape- it's like, the OP, while exploring his sexuality, should be PUNISHED by being rape, and we still , as a society, have enough lunatics who believe that people bring rape upon themselves because they are sexual human beings when these fuckking hypocrites all know they've engaged in the same acts a thousand times.

Their condemnation is simply relief it's not them, disguised in a vulgar veil of hypocrisy known as, "well, rape is horrible and not justified, BUUUT, he/she reallllly brought it on themselves by being too sexual before the rape happened"
Pathetic. Weak Willed. Those who believe such trifling and toxic and pedantic lies should hurry jump off the ledge with their other lemmings.

 

ya you were raped.but what a brave courageous kid you are ta talk about it now,i gather your not so much bothered about reporting your rape as you are about doing what you can now, ta help yourself recover from you horrific ordeal.which of course is your right ta choose the best road for you ta now go down.you have every right to report it if you want to.but you dont have to if you dont want to.but i do seriously suggest you do speak to a counsellor.either a school counsellor you trust or alternatively a private counsellor outside of school.all who will have ta keep everything you say confidential.an easy start for you may be ta go ta your nearest rape crisis centre and talk ta someone there.which will also be kept confidential.and take it from there.you also seem ta think just cos ya posted some pictures to that guy like its your fault.hear this now kid and hear it well,just because ya did that did not! give anyone the right to rape you.it was not! your fault.also if your gay your gay.that is not a criminal offence or a spiritually one just for the record.so dont believe that lie!as it would be as abnormal for a gay person to be hetrosexual as it would be for a hetrosexual person to be gay.and as you mentioned attraction ta both sexes it is also possible that you may be bisexual.but with help from a counsellor one step at a time,ye can figure all that out together.i think your biggest reservation about seeking help is your concern about your parents knowing.what you say ta the counsellor will just be between ye and nobody else.anytime ya need ta talk kid.feel free ta pm me.what ya say say ta me will stay with me too.goodluck with all kid.:sunny: