waiting for marriage...

anyone else out there who's committed to not having sex until they're married? i definitely am and have several close friends who are, but sometimes get the feeling that there aren't too many of us out there...

 

I respect people with this much self control, i really do. But i often wonder what happens if they wait until they're married and they're simply not compatable in bed? I know sex isn't the basis for a sound marriage, but it is a very important part. Personally i couldn't commit to spending the rest of my life with someone who didn't push my buttons.
Try before you buy, so to speak.
What are your reasons for waiting? I'm not having a go at you, i'm seriously interested.

 

I have a friend who is committed to no sex before marriage.

But to be honest, I think he's plumb nuts.

I also think it'd be kind of ... not so cool, to go off on a honeymoon and then find out that the person you married isn't very good in bed, or worse -- that say he's too big (or too small) for you.

 

I like this analogy: would you buy a car without a test drive?

However, just b/c I don't agree with waiting doesn't mean that you shouldn't wait. Do what is best for you, barefoot and don't let other people's opinions affect your decision.

Good Luck!

Peace and love

 

well...we're talking about a relationship here, and hopefully one that's based on a whole lot more than whether or not the person is good in bed.

i've chosen to wait because i want to be able to give as much emotionally and physically to my husband as i can, and not have bits and pieces already given away to previous guys with whom things didnt' work out. i personally wouldn't want to think i was in love with someone, have sex, and then end up breaking up later- kinda trivializes sex i think.

 

I intended on waiting until I was married, but ended up being intimate with my husband before we actually tied the knot. Still, he is the only person I have ever been with sexually, so it wasn't all that bad.

I think it's awesome that you want to wait. You've got to do what's right for you and what you feel is best in your heart. Don't let others discourage you from that.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

Granted that there is more to it than the physical, but you mustn't discredit the importance of the physical.

In my opinion, there are three aspects of a human being ... the body, the mind, and the spirit (and by spirit, I do NOT mean soul!). To forego any of these aspects is to cut it out of your relationship entirely, and you can't truly love a person if your relationship is missing one of these aspects.

I have a tendency to credit them all with equal importance ... physical contact, intelligence and the way they think, and personality/what kind of a person they are.

Also, you made the argument that you don't want to fall in love with someone, have sex, and then break up later. Keep this in mind: More than 50% of all marriages end up in divorce! The typical span of a marriage is only 5-7 years.

I think it's great that you put so much value on having a perfect relationship -- the only thing I'd caution you about is, nothing in this world is perfect -- there is no such thing as a perfect relationship (and if someone believes that they have a truly 100% PERFECT relationship, speak up now).

Either way, more power to ya. /bow

 

My husband & I both waited. I've heard the whole test-drive analogy before, but I disagree. I do not have anyone else to compare my husband with, nor does he. So we really don't *know* whether we are "good" or not, but it doesn't matter as we have learned together what we like, and what we do not. Now you'll have to take my experience for what it's worth as I only know about multiple partners through others' stories, but I have heard that what is good for one person is not necessarily good for another. So It makes sense to me that to a certain extent you'd have to learn all over again with each & every partner. As for size problems... well, we had a few "issues" to work through there, but all it takes is a little creativity. And I don't know a man alive who wouldn't agree that creativity is a GOOD thing
love,
mom

 

i was going to, but it didnt quite work out that way. i think its great that you want to do that, but i just couldnt wait that long. however i do think sex is a very special thing that shouldnt be shared with every one. i did get to know him and we do intend on getting married. i know nothing is forsure, but i dont regret doing it.

 

àà

You are 16 and you're saying that you and your boyfriend are intending on getting married?!

 

Oh, come on people... You really can't discuss that..
It's all about one's choice... I didn't give it any taught at all. I just did it when i felt that i want to. And now i'm doomed to be without any for a very long time since i don't know a guy i can talk to normally, not to mention anything else. I really don't like anybody...
But making tactics about it... Come on... If you wanna do it, do it. If you don't, dont.

I had a friend who wanted to wait just like some of you, but she died of leukemia and she never did it.
Now there's a taught you should all think about.

 

I wanted to wait..... but that didnt work out that way at all. .and then the relationship became just based on sex... .soooo next person Im with I want to be the one ya know... so Im hoping it works out... sex is just like an addiction in my eyes... not always a bad one but ya know...

 

Well, I've never had sex before, so I guess I am waiting. I'm not waiting for marriage per-say, but if thats what she wanted, I would be perfectly willing to do that. To me, its something that I'm reserving to "the one" and "the moment". Its definetly something I wouldn't do up front at all, so I would wait a while.

 

i've heard pretty much this same thing from couples i know who decided to wait until marriage...mainly that while there were some things to get figured out and some room for discovery and creativity, that they don't regret waiting at all.

 

life's too short and too unexpected to not let your feelings whisk you away sometimes. I don't disagree with no sex before marriage but I think it's inhibiting. I don't think I would want to or could wait, and I'm not sure in my case that it's possible to truly fall in love without sex, intimacy is a huge part of love for me. And if I wasn't in love with the person before we married then why would I want to marry them, how can I guarantee I'm going to grow to love them.

I want to know my future husband inside and out before we commit to marriage.

 

Um, that can work. I was engaged at 16 and am now 30 and have been happily married for 11 years.
love,
mom

 

I totally agree with this. There IS more to a relationship than sex but to me it's a VERY important part. I don't think i could commit to spending the rest of my life with someone, unless i knew we could connect on all levels. It's too late for me to wait anyway, but i have always felt like this. My parents waited, they didn't even kiss until their wedding day. They've been married for thirty years, but i'll never understand how they managed it. My fiance has mentioned in passing that he kinda wishes he'd been my first.

 

i think it's good to wait for marriage but some relationships just can't live without them.

 

i admire the choice you have made each and every day to stay commited to this value. dont let go of it no matter what people say. for all you know, we are all hookers and sexed-crazed lunitics.

stick with it, youll be thankful you did.

 

aww..thanks dietcoketree!