True story. Is this called rape?

Well here me out first.

I was barely 14 years old back then when this happened. It was on a sunday afternoon, I was alone in my adopted parent's home and in comes the cleaner woman who was supposed to do some cleaning in the house.

At that time and that age I simply had NO experience of what sex was. Apart from the fact that I got me looking at her on the floor scrubbing and cleaning and I had no idea as to "why" I am looking at her. She was about 40 years old and to tell you the facts she was not bad looking either. She was wiggling as she was scrubbing off something from the floor.

She suddenly turned around and saw me looking at her. She started smiling at me, realising that I am simply stunned standing there she took me by the hand and said "Come." I was petrified. I got so scared I thought she was going to hit me for no reason other than looking at her. She told me not to get scared and opened my pants. I begged for her to stop. I was embaressed. I didn't know what to do with myself.

I didn't even know at that time what was happening. It came so fast on me. She pushed me to the floor and then started to oral me. I felt a tingling feeling in my loins and I tried to push her away from me. She told me to stay still and she sat on me and started pumping me.

At that point I had a feeling like I was going to pee, or something similar to that. I tried to control it, thinking she will get angry at me for peeing on her.

Then it came. It was a feeling I have never experienced in my life. But she felt the wetness, there was a smile on her face and she got up and wiped off the substance that came out of me.

Then, out of stupidty and non understanding I started to apologise for peeing inside of her. All she said was "It's not pee." and then carried on to what she was doing before that.

And me? I ran into the veranda, sat there and looked at the traffic, feeling ashamed of what I had done.

So what is it? Was this rape? Was it not rape? It was something that I feel was taken from me without prior permission.

But then.....why did I feel ashamed? Why did I not report it to my aunt? There I was, sitting in the verandah and feeling ashamed and at the same time thinking about the good feeling that I had.

Later on in life I learnt about life, love and sex. Only this incident is constantly in my mind till this day. Wondering where have I been wrong.

Edited to add here that until this day I have a guilty concience that it was I who was doing the raping whilst I was not concience of the fact at that time. This is partly due to the fact that you don't actually hear about women raping men so much. True, I was only 14 but in my mind, being an observant jew (at that time) I already had my bar Mitzvah at age 13, therefore technically and physically I was a man, but in sexual terms I lacked information.

 

if you begged for her to stop, that is rape.

 

Yea, if you wanted her to stop (I don't know why, that seems pretty gay to me) then it's a rape. I wish that would have happened to me. I'll bet you want her to do it again though.

 

ROFLMAO.

Lucky guy. I would have LOVED being raped at 14. I'm 20 now but I still wouldn't mind being raped by a woman so inclined...

 

It doesn't matter a bit whether or not he liked it or wanted it. Rape has to do with consent/permission. He didn't just ask, he 'begged' her to stop.

 

Yes, it was rape.

Also, you were a child, she was an adult, and she took advantage of your innocence. She's lucky you never said anything before. She might be sitting in a prison cell right now if you had.

 

yes i think it was rape, doing something to an innocent young boy with no experience. she took advantage of you and you didn't do anything wrong. it was wrong of her since its "corrupting a minor" but as long as you are not traumatized by it then you should be fine

 

Thanks, people, for your reaction and your side of the coin.

Well I'm an adult now and perhaps some of my sexual characteristics have derived from that incident. If you will recall I said that on the one hand i felt that I (meaning myself) thought that I was the wrong doer. On the other hand there was this small moment in which I did feel something exquisite in the end of that session. My yet to develop mind was confused with like "Hey what the fuck is going wrong here? This is terribly wrong on the one hand but on the other why do I feel so good?" kind of thing.

And in this particular moment I, above all other people in here, actually understand the perils and psychological consequences of such an experience. I say that because fact is , after a few decades later, I still remember it, still confused, still feeling guilty, still not understanding why this has happened to me. Let me just ask here if I was a woman. Would I feel a certain sexual thrill side by side with the trauma, and yet it would be called rape?

Someone remarked in this thread that he would have been glad if a 40 year old woman would rape him when he was 14. I say not at age 14 or when you are a young yet undeveloped kid. It's unadvisable. There is this particular burdon that you will carry on your back maybe for the rest of your life. I would be prepared to be raped when I am a full grown adult, tortured perhaps, by a woman or women, but not as a kid. I understand the fascination with this particular experience but not when you were not ready for that. I did not even understand that a sexual intercourse ever existed, let alone anything else. When I looked at her wiggling I did not understand the thoughts that went in my mind. It was foreign. It was strange.

 

Its pretty backwards to not know anything about sex at 14, to not even understand the feeling of sexual attraction.
I don't believe your story

 

I agree with you.

 

so how has this really harmed you?

Also, I believe true rape implies force...or in the very least a position of power. This sounds more like something i would masturbate thinking about at age 14

 

Fact is that after such a long time this incident is still in my mind not in a favorable format.

I did not mention in my post that I came from a family of observant jews. All we did day in and day out is keeping the fate, praying three times a day, and going to synagogues on saturdays and other festive days. I was even in a Yeshiva studying the Torah. Such subjects was never in our agenda. It's a kind of differant mentality, not so western.

Today I am totally differant. I am not observant and I donot maintain the life of what I grew up into.

 

Fair enough, I believe you now.

 

Hey I'm a guy. And I am healthy (me thinks). This MUST be the fantasy of every healthy guy. Perhaps 90% of normals boys age 14 are sexually capable, therefore it may be a healthy fantasy for them. But under the cercumstances and up bringing such as mine I was just not ready for that. Therefore I understand the poster.

Too bad for me.

 

OK Buddy. If you were really as naive and sheltered as you say (which I also have a hard time believing, but it's possible), I can see it being a bit strange and scary.

But if you're really a man now, get over yourself. You had pussy coming to you before you were even looking for it. Think of it as if you were a kid again, and you have the golden ticket to Disneyworld that lets you ride any ride you want! !!Awesomeness!!

 

I completely know how you feel when stating this. A while back I had a sexual encounter (not intercourse or oral; more of touching) that I did not consent to and have felt violated to this day.

 

nuh uh. Rape has nothing to do with force. It has to do with consent.

If it is true that he 'tried to push her away', and 'begged her to stop,' it was rape, no doubt at all.

 

I know what you mean, too. It was more just (very rough and painful) touching, and I still feel violated from it.

Skybird, I'd love to support you in any way I can. It seems the issue for you is more about the shame and guilt you felt in regards to the situation, rather than what actually happened. If it happened in the way you described, it was, in legal terms, rape. I encourage you to really spend some time with yourself about this. In my experience, when something bothers me for so long all it really wants is attention and openess. I also encourage you to accept yourself as blameless.

 

Why would she do that? Did she ever talk to you about it afterward?

 

Rape ?


Rape is when a girl is violated. Your terming of this incident "rape" trivializes
real rape where females are violated and infected with STD's and perhaps beaten-up.

It sounds to me like this has given you a life time of spank-off fantasy.

Please disclose how this inspires your spank sessions.

Most cleaning ladies are illegals with no social security number,
working for peanuts.
Helpless, disadvantaged.
So the rich masa got a treat.

Id just shut the fuck up about this. I have absolutely no sympathy for this nurotic spank-off fantasy of yours.

Sorry to sound so harsh but you need to make this disclosure!