Treated like crap by gay community

hello I am gay
I think I am treated like crap in the gay community at my college.
First of all, I am an attractive and healthy guy. I work out and don't do drugs, smoke or drink. I like to dance, tell jokes, talk, help out others, I read a lot, and was accepted into graduate school at another more popular campus (I will leave this college eventually), so you guessed it, I am a smart person. But I suck when it comes to understanding the gay community and gay dating. I am not sure if it is pure envy from others (maybe I am really good looking??) or what but basically gays here will pretend to be interested in me (humor me) then give out their AIM or facebook or myspace info and then they will never respond or will respond in short and quick responses and leaving me to feel rejected. They don't even know me and it feels like nobody will give me a chance. I am blown off right away it seems.


Anyways, I've been out on dates with some guys (mostly nighmare dates from hell). The first guy didn't really want to talk much during our 3 dates, and I am pretty sure he wanted me to have sex with him (he really hinted at it over the AIM several times)....we just had one kiss during our night out. I didn't feel much from him but I was willing to give him a chance. He just didn't seem too friendly or interested in me as a person. He didn't want to know too much or really any info about me. It seemed too superficial for me, like he was hiding something, and that relationship was terminated.

Next guy, I actually had a crush on this guy. He kept accusing me on AIM that I wanted to have sex with him. I never once mentioned anything about sex. He would get abusive and say he wanted to F me and stuff, talked about how large his thing was, and then he would accuse me of wanting to have sex with him. He would announce that we would not have sex with me at random times. I also met him at a dance club prior to getting his AIM. He was a combination of acting friendly when he came up to say hi to me and then outwardly rejecting me when I came up to talk with him later on that night. Anyways, throughout 3 semesters or more he would tell me that I was sexy and hot, and then act rejecting and disgusted when I showed that I liked him, even when I gave him compliments he would act offended and say in a rude nasty tone "wow you are gay". He would also lash out and say "you are not my type". He phone called me several times to talk about his personal history and personal stuff, in which I was a nice guy and listened to everything he had to say. His behavior was really confusing and offensive to me. Any thoughts on this??? Also I eventually got him to drop by for a date and we went to 3rd base later that night (most everything was fine he seemed happy and was sexually aroused during our date) but the next day I felt used and horrible and really cheap....and still do. I will get over it but I just feel saddened by the whole mess.

3rd guy in gay community had done similar thing to me. He came over just to eat and watch tv, then later that night it escalated to 3rd base type stuff, was sarcastic and unfriendly during most of the entire time. Really, the guy was not as attractive as me, so I didn't understand the rejection when I got an AIM message saying he just wanted to be friends and did not want to have a sex buddy, which was really offensive to me, since there was no discussion or compromise, and in fact we are not friends because he refuses to call me or communicate in friendly ways via internet.

4th guy I tried to communicate that I liked him over AIM. He also accused me of wanting to have sex with him. Prior, I think I said something like you have pretty eyes and nice cheekbones (an innocent and honest comment considering this guy really did have outstanding features)...and I'd be interested in hanging out, dancing, whatever, and if your friends want to come along that is cool. He then accused me of using pick up lines on him. He also kept saying he wasn't a ho, and he was getting really defensive and rude with me. I didn't understand his agitation since I didn't mention anything offensive or rude nor did I say anything about wanting to have sex. Nothing happened with this guy. I expressed my anger at him for making accusations and then ignored any of his further comments and accusations.

Also I tried to join a gay organization at the college. The people there were really stand offish, distant, and snide towards me. I am a minority (not black) so I am not SURE if that creates an instant problem??? I did make ONE gay friend there and he is fun to go out dancing with and to talk/joke around with over the internet and over the phone...that is the only good thing that came out of that experience.

Again, I am VERY confused as to what this is all about. I feel like I am dealing with Mentally Ill freaks. Other than these gay people I've dated most gays will not acknowledge or even bother getting to know me. They don't mind saying "hey" or "hi" to me and waving at me but other than that it is PURE REJection and pure HELL.

Let me know your advice and feedback.

 

I feel like the guys who hang out on the internet looking for dates or whatever else, generally aren't the best type of guys.

The only advice I can give you is to continue what you're already doing. Go to glbtq meetings, go to gay bars, etc. Good luck. You'll find someone.

 

wow, I read all that and I'm sorry.
Yes, they were mental.

Meeting people in person is a better way to find someone because you can get an idea of who they are...

I've had my share of nutcases...you'll find someone

*hugs*

 

I made an almost identical experience in my college days with the LGBT chapter at my university.

So, a few guys 'accused' me of wanting to have sex with them??? Gee, I was a 20 year old horny gay dude and I was looking for some fun, too. OK, no one sued me, so far.

A few other guys, I met at their meetings, were guys with very serious issues and loads of emotional luggage. Everyone had a MAJOR problem and was more or less focusing all of his strength on sorting it out. There was hardly anything left for a friendship, relationship or even just an ocassional fling.

Quite a few guys were into serious activism. They were going to change the world till the next weekend, so were all going to be living in their perfect world happily ever after.

It took me 3 tries to draw my own conclusions:

#1
I was wasting my time. Big time.

#2
These guys did not do anything for me and I did not do anything for them. Gay or not gay, we were largely incompatible.

#3
I moved on. I simply forgot about those freaks and started looking elsewhere. Classified ads were big in those days and so was meeting up with people in clubs and bars, discos, basically everywhere.

#4
My life improved drastically, ever since I dropped the LGBT crap at my school. I meet a nice dude. We made it into a cool relationship. I was having fun and my life was really good.

#5
I never looked back.

---
I hope that no one gets me wrong here. MY PERSONAL experience with LGBT was bad. It did not work for ME.

I am sure, there are tons of other dudes, who will find nothing but sheer praise for them. That's very fine.

You want to give them a try. If they do not work for you, you move on. The sooner the better.

KD

 

learn the hanky codes, usualy works with the real ones out there.

 

hanky codes?

 

different coloured hankys mean your into different kinds of sex, don't ask what colours mean which, I have no idea
S