I’m posting here today because I am afraid and angry and a lot of other things right now. I feel like a bag of shit right now and my muscles are shaking with worry. I’ve quit my job because of it. Going into work became more and more difficult and stressful, just getting out of bed was nearly impossible because I would just lay there and freak out about everything I would have to do that day. So I just stopped. I gave up on it because it became too overwhelming for me to handle. For weeks afterwards I told my mom I was going into work like nothing happened because I was afraid she would think I’m just a pathetic quitter who gives up on everything he ever tried. That’s the thing about me, when things get hard or overwhelming, I quit because I don’t have the energy to keep going. It’s like I don’t have the energy to keep going in life, I just want it to stop. I don’t want to commit suicide or anything but it seems so pointless to keep living life like this. I am so ashamed. I am so ashamed I won’t even talk my best friend because I don’t want him to think I am just a bum who sits on his computer all day and does nothing. But I don’t know what else to do. I’ve turned off my cell phone and cut off all communication with the outside world. I’m broke and alone and I feel terrible right now. Some of the symptoms I’ve been feeling are: Muscle spasms, this bothers me the most it’s becoming worse and worse Difficult breathing, it feels like there is something heavy sitting on my chest Irritability, sometimes I will go off on my mother which makes me feel even more terrible because she’s done absolutely nothing to deserve it. I just need someone to talk to. Normally I would go to my girlfriend with my problems but we’ve broken up recently so I am desperate for help. I can't get this issue out of my head!!! I wish I could just forget about it and keep living my life to the fullest but the fear of tomorrow is always there.
why do you fear that that you have not yet confronted? i dunno what your expectin folks to say,,but i say get up an get out an be a productive member of society whether ya feel like it or not.. you are the only one that can change your situation. no words on a screen,no majic pill,no therapy will change anything till you take responsibility for your own actions.. an the first step is to go out into the world,whether ya want to or not..
I know it's really hard to deal with situations like this and the feelings you are going through. I have felt them myself for many years, at times just as intensely (if not more so) than you feel you are going through now. It's really hard to get help, but the fact that you want the help is what is promising. You may not realize fully but you sound as if you probably suffer from depression. The muscle spasms, difficulty breathing, and irritablity could very well be part of anxiety and panic as those two cause our reflexes to turn into 'fight or flight' aspects. Either you get so fluttery, hyperventaliate and just want to hide, or you get relaly snippy without cause and want to fight (the irritablity). Do you have a doctor you see? You are 18 so anything you tell your doc will be confidential. I'd say it would be best to go to a health care professional, even if it is a hard first step, and tell him/her how you are feeling. Don't just let your GP prescribe you a drug, ask to be placed in touch with a counselor/therapist/psychologist and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist might recommend a medication. I'm not saying take a pill and rely on that, but there are some things they can give you on a short-term basis that will make some of the feelings you are having lessen a bit so you don't feel quite so hi-strung as you do at the moment. If you ever need to chat. Feel free to PM me. Just so you know, I have quit numerous jobs doing just what you did. No notice, just packed up and walked out. I had such bad anxiety/panic attacks on the way into work at one job, that I tried to jump out of the car when my ex was taking me into work, just so I didnt' go. There are definitely things out there to help you. Just don't give up. What part of the world are you in? Depending on where you are there can be more options available to get you help.
ultimately this is the ideal anyone with mental illness should strive for, but it is not as simple as you seem to think, hippiehillbilly. would you tell someone with cancer to "not bother with chemo" they are giving up if they try to cure their disease? i would reckon you wouldn't to tell someone who obviously is suffering from some serious mental shit to just "get up and get out" doesn't usually help. in fact, in most people i have come in contact with it will ultimately send them running back into the opposite direction. the key is to understand the full problem first before just giving out the whole "get out and get on with it" advice. people seem to forget that mental illness is a disease just like any other debilitating disease out there.
Thanks for your comments, I had a break down this afternoon but I think I'm alright now. I would like to see a doctor and see what he thinks, only problem is my parents are against the idea of therapy as my father is someone who would prefer that I "toughen up" and deal with. I have been dealing with it, my whole life and now I just want some help, too bad I don't have any money to afford getting proffesional help. I live in Milwaukee, WI btw
yeah, my hubby's dad is a bit like that. my dad was sort of like that too. it took him having 3 kids all with depression, two of us attempting suicide, and 1 winding up in hospital before he'd even admit that depression was an illness. do you have health insurance? if you do, obviously you will have issues with therapy/psychiatrists as there will be extra co-pays. those aren't fun. i don't normally recommend taking pills that a GP (medical doctor) give you without seeing a psychiatrist first, but if it is your only option it might be the way to go. if you explain to him what you said here, then i'm sure he'll tell you that you have both depression as well as anxiety disorder. the anxiety disorder, in my experience, is the easiest to "get over" as there are many pills that can help at least on the short term. i went for about 6 months one time not being able to even check the mail in the apartment building because i was so freaked out by the thought of seeing people. if you aren't on insurance, btw, there might be easier options that would allow you to get care without dad needing to know. explain to your doc too, that your dad doesn't take you seriously about having an illness and that you want to try therapy, etc; but you know your dad won't pay for it. your doc might know of free counseling groups or people that work on a "sliding scale" that might see you for $5 a visit or something silly cheap. but definitely talk to your doctor, especially if you are having breakdowns and stuff. i know it's not fun and quite scary. you said your parents are against therapy but only really mentioned your dad. is your mum not supportive at all? and, just so you know, if you have had to quit numerous jobs for this sort of thing, and you express that to your doctor you may also have grounds to start applying for full-time disability until you can get yourself sorted. because if you are too ill to work, then the government has to help you feed/clothe yourself and give you money to get health treatment. i've had to deal with all that myself, btw before as i'm originally from NY state.
I am not sure about my mom. I love her more than anything in the world and I know she would do just anything for me, but she doesn't understand what I am going through. When she came into my room and saw me bawling face down into a pillow she asked me what was the matter. I tried to explain some of my problems and she said that it's not the end of the world, and walked out. I know she wants to be supportive but she has absolutely no idea how. Also is there anyway I could schedule an appointment with my doctor without my parents knowing?
Yeah, if you are actually 18 then you are an adult. you can contact your doctor on your own and set an appointment. make sure you say that you don't want them to call and confirm or anything however.
I would go to the doctor, like you said you are going to anyway. But WHILE obtaining treatment, therapy, medication or whatever you need try to fake it till ya make it. Believe it or not most people go through what you are going through. I know I have a lot. If something was so unbearable that I had to quit I took something else up. I remember my first few years of college when I went to school full-time and didn't work. i couldn't take all of the reading and labs. I ended up going half time and working full-time and that worked much better for me. perhaps finding a better balance of activities would work for you as well. Also, are you getting enough sunlight? Are you taking vitamins? Are you extremley overweight or extremley underweight? Are you getting enough sleep, or maybe too much?
What do you mean by "fake it till ya make it?" I don't consider myself underweight or overweight, but I do sleep alot and sleep seems so unsatisfying that I usually get a few more hours of sleep during the day.
I mean just smile and go through the motions until your hapiness and productivity become a reality.Pretend you enjoy working, find a new job and fake yourself out that you enjoy going. Basically by doing this you are starting things off with the best intentions. Do you exercise? I know I get very depressed when I do not get enough sunshine and enough exercise. Did you make a doctor's appoitment yet?
um, no offense but if you have REAL mental health issues and REAL depression/anxiety. that advice you gave isn't going to do squat. that's like telling someone who has cancer ... just act like you don't have a lump and it will go away.
I have real issues and real anxiety and real PTSD and real ADHD, but I think it makes it worse to allow that to assume my idenity and not be productive and work through it. I would assume not accomplishing things would make one even more depressed or anxious. I know when I give up on things I become extremley depressed. Often I get overwhelming anxiety when I start a new job or a new class, bt if I go hrugh the motions for awhile I find that I thrive whn i m challenged. Otherwise I am just bored and over think things and am so hard on myself.
Actually, trying to keep a postive attitude DOES help... for both mental AND physical illness. No one said pretend the issue isn't there... but it's very good advice to tell someone to try to stay positive through dark times and to "fake" a good mood. A lot of time that DOES lead to a temporary mood lift. And that temporary lift could help get a person through a rough day. As far as getting help for the original poster... do you have insurance? If so, do you have any friends who could recommend a private therapist? If you don't have insurance or no where else to turn, look in the phone book for mental health clinics and give them a call. They will either set you up there or can refer you. You don't have to suffer like this.
that being said, the "advice" that was given to this guy has made him not want to post on his own thread anymore. yes, it's good to have a positive attitude and try to "think yourself better" so to speak; but when you are so low the last thing a person wants to hear is that they just need to fake themselves out. this guy is really hurting, and i'm sure he's having to fake ALOT as it is with his parental situation and all that. so having to 'fake' with himself is not very good advice. when really he just needs someone to listen to him.
oh honey, hugs to you. I of course am no professional, but this sounds like an anxiety issue. And anxiety and depression usually come hand in hand. I have suffered from both very badly and the first thing I can say is you are not alone. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me. Secondly, when you feel ready there are things you can do to help it. My parents also were the same way about therapy so it took me until I was 23 to seek out my own when I was able to. But you're 18 and most cities have free or very cheap places you can go. It takes a bit of research but it's there. Talking about it with someone is so helpful. I wish there was more I could say to help.
