As the flower grows, as the flower bleeds, as the heart beats, one last shout. And the dark clouds, shed one last shadow. as lightning strikes, and thunder howls, as the rain, destroys, the flower that grows.
I wasn't sure the order works... I wanted to drop the first three lines completely. I would like: "One last shout" to be the first line of this poem. The word "shed" doesn't sound correct, the clouds "shed" the shadow, it seems like the clouds would cast a shadow. I would drop "shed" completely... it is much shorter, but I like it better tighter like this: One last shout dark clouds one last shadow lightening strikes thunder howls rain destroys the flower that grows the heart that beats I hope this gave you some ideas. Sometimes less is more.
