Well, today at work my mind wondered and I worked myself into a state of almost panic. I have always identified as predominately lesbian but recently, I've been having insanely vivid fantasies of having sex with men. Just any attractive guy that I see instantly turns into this intense sex scene in my mind. On top of the fantasies, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach saying to me "You don't even like women, silly. What you need is a man in your life to do you right". And then I start panicking, thinking I've wasted many relationships with women I didn't even like. But none of that is true, I have been in love with many women and had great sex but in my last relationship, we just fell into "best friends" role and the sex life fizzled. Maybe I feel like this because of how sour my last relationship turned with a woman but for some reason, I've convinced myself that "things would be better in a hetero-relationship" and by better I mean more sex. I'm pretty much always horny and have felt most women can't keep up with that (wow, that sounds horribly sexist, but it's true.) I'm still really young, and want someone to explore with and do crazy things with and have threesomes and sex in crazy places and just enjoy each other and be open and honest, but I have yet to meet another woman who is open to exploration and not constantly jealous. I don't know why I even wrote this, but it feels better to to have the words out from my jumbled thoughts. I don't know, any advice/ common experiences/ words of wisdom would be much appreciated!
I think that you would be shortchanging yourself if you applied a label and adopted some set of rules at such a young age. Most gay and lesbian people whom I know (one is my birth brother, several are chosen brothers and sisters) didn't put those labels on before they were 30, some never did and some never will. Life is about experiences. You don't know that you won't like rhubarb pie until you've tried rhubarb pie (to use a silly analogy).
Zoomie gives some good advice here. They say the heart wants what the heart wants. Go get what you want.
Thank you both for the responses! I know it's pretty normal to be confused and I should just accept what I'm feeling and go with the flow. It's just new, weird feelings and thoughts and they are freaking me out a little bit. Thank you again for the reassuring words!
Labels are only as good as the paper they are printed on... if a label isn't printed on a piece of paper, it must not exist
Thank you all for the thoughtful responses. I am feeling a bit better about everything, been meditating on my own sexuality and am slowly coming the the conclusion that "it does matter". I'm going to like whoever I like and that's all, I shouldn't force myself into any boxes.
eheh... kinda funny comment from a lesbian. Anyways, i wish I could have met you back in college. You described exactly what I was looking for.
