Teenagers and Their Clothes

I grew up in a conservative household. My parents denied me the freedom to dress and look like I wanted, insisting I look like a clean cut all American boy. I split when I was 17, grew and dreaded my hair and excercised the freedom to be myself.

Now being the parent of four teenagers (two are step kids) we have made every attempt to let our kids be and dress as they like, with the only restrictions being that the girls are not to look like strippers. So far it's worked out with the exception of our 16 y/o boy who is doing the gangster thing.

I don't get it, pants belted below the ass and dragging the ground, shirts about 20 sizes too large, ball cap worn askew and a huge fake Walmart bling-bling hanging from the neck. This particular son has had troubles with some gangsterish behaviour, stealing and vandalism, has paid dues and seems to understand the need to generally respect people and the belongings, but he still looks like a gang banger.

I really want to tell him that he can't dress that way in my house, but I still hear my father telling me to get a haircut.

Any other parents of teenagers out there with clothing choice issues. How do you handle it?

 

clothes can be a really sensitive issue especially for teenagers, with him only being 16 i would think within the next four years(16-20) his style of clothes will change on his own, give it time.

 

now while I don't have a teenager yet... this 'advice' only comes from the fact that I was only recently a teen. It seems especially with clothing, the more you tell them no- the more they want to defy you. I had no problems with this because I was the more I don't care about clothes and wore pjs all the time. But as long as his attitude and behavior aren't reflecting the clothing- I would just ride it out. Maybe you can show him how others will judge him as a bad person because of his clothing (not necessarily a lesson to teach to judge because of clothing but if you tell him that people are ignorant and no matter what some do) maybe he will tone it down some. but I don't know about that.

 

Question: Does he buy his own clothes? Or do you as a parent buy them?

Because there could be an easy answer to this...

If he's spending his own money on clothes...let him buy what he wants.

If you and your wife buy them...just don't buy that type of clothing for him.

 

I went through much of the same crap with my parents. And I agree with everything said in the above posts - especially the he'll grow out of it theory. My style of clothing changed every 1 or two years since 9th grade.

What I find is most likely, from my experience as a teen, is he'll wear what he wants. Even if you actually think you got him to change, he'll probably just hide it from you. That's what I did with my dad. I would put all the things he hated back on when I left the house.

But about showing him how others view him or trying to get him to feel "ashamed" for it probably won't work. Being so much older and having all kinds of differences makes for a very different perception (16 y/o from 2006 and 40 y/o from 1960's). I know this because my dad tryed it with me. He'd basically try to tell me how other people viewed the way I dressed and not only did I not care, but I knew he was completely wrong. And in most ways he was.

 

Thanks for the replies. I'll just let him be. I've felt like such a shit head for wanting to tell him to dress differently just because I really don't like the way he looks. To each their own.

 

We have said No to slutty clothes. No problem with Moon (second kid, now age 17) But Sunshine has Tourette's Syndrome, and had some social problems as a younger child and wanted acceptance, and somehow thought she could get it by dressing innappropriately. We had a "No belly button rule." She got around that by NOT showing hers, as it was peirced, (got infected and she took it out.) Now, she is almost 20, and a bit on the chubby side, and still wears things with her belly sticking out, and really doesn't look good like that. My ds HATES rap (hey we did SOMETHING right, LOL) so the gansta thing isn't a problem, and we don't mind hair. But, he opts to cut it in the summer. (Aw, he looks so cute in late winter when it curls around his shoulders.)

You could talk to the kids about WHY some things are acceptalbe and others aren't. My dd isn't a slut, so we asked her "why dress like one?" Of course we got the "Everyone dresses like this." Refuted by her sister.....sigh........it's hard work. But, definately, when YOU are buying and paying for the clothes, you have the say. We've given Sunshine money and had her take the shit back. But, boys will get ONE outfit they like, that they buy themselves, and then you have to institute a "You have to WASH THAT once in a while." Rule or a "You can only wear that once a week." Rule, something you don't have to do with girls. They wouldn't be caught dead in the same outfit twice in a week.

I realized that I don't have an answer.

 

...or start "liking" his cloth and wear it yourselves, then he has to do something else for distiquishing himself from you. But then again, this revolting is just so normal for teenagers. They HAVE TO do things you won't like.....

 

I like it drumminmama....NO BUTT/BOOB CLEAVAGE.

So true, so true. My daughters friend goths herself up everyday in the school bathroom and takes it off before she gets home, and she absolutely hates her father. This is the situation I really want to avoid, one of deceit and dishonesty.

I tried this last night (well, not seriously). I belted my jeans below my ass, put on a ballcap sideways, sported a bling-bling, and proceeded to parade around with my ass hanging out. He said it just wasn't cool with Levis and rubber boots.

 

you dont think he would actually tell you it was cool even if it was do ya? ....,,, my youngun has the belly thing goin on,,, i dont like it at all even if she was a toothpick but i hope she will grow out of it,,,, and she does clean up well when necessary so i just overlook it as best i can.... and am always saying, "shirt down ... pants up"..