Teenagers and Partying

Most of us are aware that most teenagers experiment with alcohol and other mind altering substances while in highschool and often go well beyond just experimenting. I did when I was a teennager. Every weekend we would manage to get ahold of some booze and weed and have at it. Things are no different today.

So what does a parent of teenagers do? Should we outright forbid our kids from doing what we did and threaten them with disciplinary action if we ever find out the have had some beer and weed? Do we turn a blind eye to what we cannot condone, but know we can't stop. Do we lock them in their room until age 21?

So to the parents who have raised teenagers, those with teenagers at present, and those who will one day have a teenager, what is your past, current or future policy and plan to deal with this teenage reality?

We have four kids between sixteen and twenty-one and have dealt with this issue for sometime now. We have done our best to educate them about the dangers and risks that come with altering ones state of conscience in various situations. In the end we have basically let them occasionally go places where they will have access to alcohol as long as we know where, who is there, whats going on and what is their safe plan to get home or to a friends. I also have made plans to pick up my 16 y/o at a predetermined time. This is in no way an invitation to party it up at any given time, just our attempt to know what's going on in their lives.

Is this irresponsible parenting, or parenting based on reality?

One thing I know for sure is it seems that the strictest of parents very often end up with the wildest kids. Those who try the hardest to control their teenagers are the ones with kids that are out of control. So far we've ended up with some pretty together kids/young adults.

 

I really don't know what I'm going to do. I have one that is not too far off (9). My only fear is that she has a hard time standing up for herself and might go further than she is personally comfortable with when it comes to peer pressure. Though, I was similar as a teen. I started smoking, and drinking was acceptable because we are German-so I never went crazy. Also, my parents smoked pot so they weren't too strict about that, either. I really only had to sneak smoking cigarettes. I think your plan is the best. Let them know the dangers and facts, but also, realize that you can't control them. Let them trust you by trusting them.

 

Honestly the way you're doing things really sounds the best.
My husband's parents did things kind of like you do...
He and his brother were both allowed to go out and party, but they always knew they could call their parents if they needed them. They never drove drunk or got really out of hand. granted, they both experimented with their fair share of stuff, but knew when they were going too far. I really liked their parent's policy that even if they were out drinking the night before, and had the worlds worst hangover the next morning, they still would have to get up at 6am and do farm work. HaHa lol
I, on the other hand, stayed home my entire teenage years. My mom was uber strikt with what I was allowed to do. I wasn't allowed to be out past 8pm on weeknights and 10 pm on weekends, and she had to approove of who I went out with...which really, was no one. To this day, I have still never once been drunk, and dh got me stoned once so I could see what it was like. Hell, I have never even been to a party. Pretty lame, eh? I kind of resent my mom for being so harsh sometimes, since I was a pretty decent kid. I wasn;t an angel by any means, but I feel like I kind of missed out on some "normal" teenage stuff. I already had social issues, and that really just made it worse.
then there's my sister, who did the whole rebel thing. She's now 18, can't hold a job, high school drop out, can't drive, a meth/cocane/heroin addict, who jumps from house to house and boyfriend to boyfriend. My mom still had the same rules for her, but was really lazy enforcing them. I think she used all her energy up on me.

We are planning on using dh's parent's way. Both dh and my BIL grew up to be pretty good people. I am going to be a lot more strickt with school, unlike their parents were. But when it comes to partying, I think it's showing them that it's ok to do it once in a while, but they need to know their own limits. I want them to know that we are always there for them when they need us. It's kind of taking the reality of the situation today and not sheltering your kids from it, but instead teaching them how to deal with reality with more responsibility.
Eh, my two cents...

 

As a teen myself I think you're doing an awesome job!

Because 99% of kids are going to experiment with alcohol and weed.

I guess you can not technically condone underage drinking or marijuana use, because its not legal, but it's better to be realistic and honest with yourself I think.

My ex's parents (okay just her mom) have serious denial issues about their daughter drinking. And it creates problems because she's ended up having to be home at a curfew and driving home drunk. She never did this while dating me, I would have killed her myself, but because her parents were so strict on some things she did more.

Part of this problem is irresponsible friends/party mates. But having an early curfew is adds to a dangerous situation, and she could never ask her parents to pick her up.

I personally was raised balanced enough that I haven't done anything too stupid. My parents don't know I drink, but I started late, my mom always knows where I'm staying and my friends are a responsible bunch.
We have legal means of acquiring alcohol, safe places to consume it, and generally do so in a way that maximizes the enjoyment of the experience.
We keep on eye on everyone's intake, to keep everyone from being sick.
Sad friends don't drink. Example, when my ex became my ex, alcohol was strictly off limits for me for a long while. My friends didn't want me drinking in a bad mood, because this creates users.
Make sure everyone's drinking lots of water to prevent hangovers.
Don't let anyone underaged who's touched alcohol drive, and generally don't let them go home if they're drunk.
No one who is impaired at all drives.

So while my mom hasn't confronted me with this issue, she probably knows, but she trusts me and my friends I guess. I figure she knows because she's my mom and she has super powers. The day I lost my virginity she knew, I didn't have to say a word, I guess there was an extra bounce in my step. =]

As far as marijuana goes, I tried it, and I'm glad I did because it showed me what that was about. It just wasn't for me, I may do it again sometime, but to me its overrated. I know it's not a huge deal now, but I feel it's not worth the trouble it can get you into.

I guess it comes back to just making sure you have responsible, balanced kids. By the time we're teens we're out of our parents control for the most part. Our friends have a bigger influence on us than our parents.

So educate and make sure they're safe. Make sure they have a ride home or a place to stay. If they can trust you, you can probably trust them.

Granted if I ever have a daughter I'll probably lock her in the house after 8PM. lol

 

The way I wish my parents had done it is to educate me and let me know how to be responsible while partying. They tryed to stop me from doing it but that didn't help at all. I got into a bad addiction and that had to be resolved. With guidance I think its possible to let kids have their fun and not get hurt.

 

Well this thread seems like it's perfect for me since I'm the same age as some of your kids (or close to it).

Yes your kids will most likely try pot, almost everybody I know smokes pot or has smoked it (not exagerating one little bit). But dont worry people my age arent stupid when were high.

Other drugs do start to come in the picture once kids are my age, I've been around them and done a few (not like crack or meth or heroin that shits fucked up)

Try not to be worried about your kids, there safe and in a house usually. When I go out me and my friends always go to my one friends house, then we go out back into his garage and smoke a few (we have respect and dont smoke in the house). On special occasions we'll get some alcohol. But thats only like once a month, I really dont like alcohol.

But if you think your kids are into harder drugs then I'll give out a few pointers here: If your kid is starting to get whiter skin (pale) and lose weight they might be using ecstacy or cocaine (My friend lost 30 pounds from ecstacy and he's white as a ghost).

Check for dilated pupils, and if their eyes are wide open then thats a sign that they've been using some sort of stimulant (ecstacy usually)

Then theirs the other drugs that are easy to tell if there on, like mushrooms (they'll be laughing at everything).

But hard drugs crack,meth,heroin arent usually a big thing for teenagers, I've never even seen those drugs except in pictures.


But if you want them to stop smoking pot just do this (almost gauranteed to work i swear on my life this is the best way ever) Let them smoke weed in your house, make sure they are stoned and then dont leave them alone, Keep talking, ask them questions, and just generally bother them, (that actually happened to my friend and he said it ruined weed for him).

So thats my advice, so just dont worry about your kids too much, they'll be O.K

 

^uhh, I don't know anyone who would stop from that, most people would probably just get pissed off and do more drugs, and it depends on where you are to say what drugs are around. I saw tons of hard drugs when I was in high school, and even some in grade school. It's also most drugs that your pupils will dilate, and not only stimulants, weight loss or gain can be a result of drug use or an eating disorder as with being pale which could also be from not enough sun over a long period of time. I know some people who are on coke who aren't skinny and don't have pale skin and they are "regular" users and you only laugh at everything when you're on the shrooms so it's not all that easy to tell.

Most of the people I grew up around drank or did drugs including my mom. She wouldn't let anyone do it around me or my siblings but I hung around the grown ups more than anyone else and I was a pretty curious child so when I was about 6 she started telling me about drugs and alcohol, she didn't really pick a side which I always thought was cool, she just told me about them, what she thought about them and it pretty much worked. I didn't do drugs until I was 13 (not that old, but it pretty much was where I grew up) and it was only a little pot and booze once in a while until I was 16 or 17.

I don't know what I'll do though, I'll probably be a little more negative on hard drugs since they're more mainstream now than when I was a kid. I think I'll be honest with her and maybe let her smoke pot once or twice when she’s 14 or 15 to take away the mystery of it and ask her to wait until she’s older if she wants to do it again. I don't know though, that might not work...

 

Well its like the majority say just educate them about it and let them understand it.. they will most likely try and make sure if they do and you find out set limits but dont be like " your never leaving the house again" From my experiance the parents that let their kids do the least have the kids that are running the wildest. Its human nature to be curious and when you say you cant do something it only makes someone want to do it more.

 

I have 4 kids ranging from 20 to 32. All my kids tried pot before I knew about it. Actually I didn't catch them, they told me. I never hid my smoking from them and when they got some good weed they wanted me to try it. I've always had a great relationship with my kids. They have pretty much confided and questioned me about everything you can imagine. Some of the stuff I really didnt want to hear about, (like sexual experiences) but i listen because its important to them. I try my best to be non-judgemental as well as take into consideration that a lot of things have changed since i was their age.

 

really thats all we can do as parents is to educate our children and let them know the dangers of being irresponsible with drugs and alcohol. if your open and honest with your children then they will be with you as well thats my thought. i know that when my kids are at the age where drugs and what not will be pressured on them i want them to know the ups and downs the responsible thing to do and show them things that could happen if you are irresponsible while on substances. i will always be ther to pick them up when needed and hell i would even prefer if they experimented with alcohol and drugs in my home so i know that they are safe and if anything were to happen i would know and be able to do something about it. I know back in my teen years i was always the "mother hen"among my friend whenever someone was too drunk or stoned to drive i would get a call 5 am to pick em up and i would so i dont see why i wouldnt with my own kids lol.

 

well my parents let me, my younger bro & older sister drink from quite a young age. i think the law is different here in the UK because its only illegal to let a child under 5y/o drink & only illegal to sell someone under 18y/o alcohol. my parents never let us just go out & get drunk but on family occasions, partys, celebrations (christmas, new year etc) they would let us drink. when we were really young we were pritty restricted to 1 or 2 glasses of wine or larger but when we were about 13 they let us have more quanity & choice over what we drank.

when ever we did drink we were always with family so that they could keep an eye on us & make sure we were ok but when we reached 16 we were pritty much allowed to go out drinking with friends. i think it was great that we were allowed to drink faily young because it has given us a healthy relationship with alcohol & we know not to abuse it.

drugs were a slightly different matter. my parents were never in to the drug thing when they were younger. i started smoking at 16 & even though my mum cant stand smoking they knew they couldnt do anything to stop me (at the time the legal age to buy cigs was 16), they gave me the facts & let me carry on. i dont smoke now, i stopped a few months ago. i did experiment with other drugs, weed, coke, E's, my parents didnt know for quite a while but again they didnt go mad when they found out. they found out all they could on what drugs i was trying & we went throught the pro's & cons etc & how to stay safe etc. they were pritty cool actually. i dont do any illegal drugs now through my own choice, i only drink alcohol.

i think i will take this same stance with my own children but the only thing i would do different to what my parents did is actually talk to them from being young about drugs. my parents never did this with me & maybe thats why i was more inclined to try different things tho i know from my own research certain things to stay away from like heroin & meth.

 

My Mom doesn't Condone the use of any drugs at my age but she admits that she did the same kind of thing. She does her best to educate me and knows that i am involved with these kinds of things. I can tell it comforts her a lot when i am truthfull with her and talk to her about these kinds of things, it also keeps me out of a lot of trouble.
As for my dad, i keep a lot from him because his brother was involved in teenage drug use and he's in jail, i don't want him to get overly-worried.

 

I have three children. The oldest at 21 never tried booze or drugs until after his 21st birthday. Felt totally lucky on that one.

My middle child just turned 18 but I learned he was smoking pot when he was 15 (found it in his room). His dad (who is a pot smoker) and I forbade him from smoking it anymore. Didnt work...made him more sneeky. We tried taking him to NA and put him on testing....Didnt work. Made him REALLY pissed. When he said to me at 16 that he smoked pot, and was going to continue to smoke pot, and there was nothing I could do, I had to rethink my position.

My option was continue to forbid him, or work with him. If I forbid him, he would just leave and go hang out in town with other kids, and quite possbly get in trouble with more stuff (booze and harder drugs). So I allowed him to smoke, and smoke at home in the privacy of him own room. We came up with ground rules so all in the house were respected and he has honored that ever since. He drinks occasionally, and I know hes tried acid and schrooms, but my point here is I opened my lines of communication with my son. Not only that, when I get disgruntled, he tends to hear me out. Its a win/win for us both, at least I think. The most important thing is he knows I disaprove but I know he is safe. He isnt lying or hiding from me, which I know was the alternative. If I think he is getting to out there, I can tell him, he listens and tends to reign his ownself in.

My daughter is 16 and is a very causal smoker. She only does it at parties so Im thankful for that.

Ive also allowed my children to learn how to drink at home just as my parents did with me. A glass of wine here, a sip of beer there. Now both my children are pretty responcible drinkers too. Ive seen my daughter drunk and have explained to her about her limits, and how if she wants to drink..she MUST know her limits, and shes been really respectful of that.

I have to say, these are things I really dont approve of, but I was a LOT worse then they were at there age. I got into a lot of trouble and was a lot more reckless becuase of it too.

So I pat myself on the back and tell myself, Ive really done it...Ive so far managed to raise three really great and responcible kids. Not perfect but damn good.

And Ive an open communication with my kids based on honesty!