I'm kind of unsure of whether to write this or not, because I feel like I can already anticipate the answers I'll get, and I know the answer to my feelings (as in what I can do), but knowing doesn't seem enough. So here I go: If I had to summarize this post in as little words possible, I'd say: I'm a 16 year-old gay male, and feeling quite isolated. There, I said it. This feeling comes and goes. I felt it a year ago, then it's been gone for ages, but now it's back. And I constantly think of other guys. I guess I'm just a teenager. But I am really interested in exploring. I've only had one boyfriend- as some of you might remember, that german guy- and that was too traumatic. Too quick. Too much of everything all at once. I was in Paris last week, and everywhere I went, I noted each guy walking by. It was weird, because I've never been so...(I hate using the word horny, it makes me feel like such an asshole) focused on guys. And some of those guys were gay. And they had boyfriends. Not to mention, they were cute and French (sorry, I had to mention that). What I'm trying to say is, seeing those couples naturally evoked in me feelings of loneliness. I practically basked in my feelings of loneliness, until it turned into frustration. Where did all those guys meet? Where did they come from? The questions shot through my mind, each one becoming more and more closely related to me. How did they find each other? How does society treat them? Are they afraid to show affection in public? Are they happy? How did they find each other? Why don't I ever run into gay guys? Where are guys who I can date? How can they have each other, where did they come from? Why can't I meet someone I could date? Where is he? It's not fair! Then my emotions turned to longing. I wanted to know each couple I saw. I wanted to walk up to each of them. Where was each of them from? How was it like growing up as a gay for each guy? Like my first boyfriend once said, "Only gays (or bisexuals for that matter) can truly understand other gays." I've grown to feel the same way. Sure, my friends are supportive of me, as well as my family. I have never genuinely been teased for being gay (which is good in the obvious sense, but bad in that I've lived a sheltered life thus far). But no matter how much any straight person accepts me, I still feel something is missing. They can't truly understand. And that truly hurts. Not even my best friend, Joy, can truly understand. Once again, don't get me wrong- she is the most supportive person in my life besides my mother. But whenever I talk about being lonely with her, she kind of rolls her eyes (whether she does with her eyes, or her mouth, it's distressing just the same.) I feel like she believes that I am being dramatic, and whiney. Maybe I am being whiney and dramatic, I sometimes think. However, I come back at myself with: No! She just doesn't understand- not any straight person does! And so then my wish for a gay friend, but preferably a boyfriend, intensifies. I think, I want someone who I can relate to completely. I want someone who I can talk about guys with, without feeling stupid. I mean, come on! Straight guys get to talk to other straight guys about hot chicks, yet if I ever bring up hot dudes to girlfriends of mine, I get a sort of "Oh you're so funny Dylan!" type of response. And that creates a void. Or maybe it's just me creating the void. I feel separated, once again, from the world. I then feel like my attraction to guys is perverted and is a topic to avoid. I'm sorry that this is becoming a novel now- I am probably boring you. Some advice would be nice. I love you. Cheers, Dylan
well, i can relate. But there is a time for everything. The right guy will come along when you're ready.
I've kind of felt the same way recently, but I dunno. Maybe I'm just jealous that I'm not older... I do have a couple friends who are bi, but oh god would I love to have a boyfriend.
I can relate, but with women(Im straight). But take it easy, it will get better! I know only one gay guy and he's two years older than me. He often go to gay clubs etc, and he have had many boyfriends! (and judging by your picture you are far better looking than he is)
I can definitely relate, man. I've always felt slightly isolated from my peers, so it's not really a new feeling for me. But when you do find people to connect with, it's a beautiful thing. I had a period of complete hopelessness for a few months, and it was the worst I've ever felt in my life. I'm finally getting through it. hang in there....if you need a penpal, lemme know.
hey, "He often go to gay clubs etc, and he have had many boyfriends! (and judging by your picture you are far better looking than he is)" -Arstein ^hahaha thanks NightOwl- yeah, it's hard. I go through phases, I don't always feel this way. I haven't felt much loneliness since last summer, but now I kind of feel it. I know it'll pass, but it's still frustrating. You're right in saying that when you do find people to connect with that it is a beautiful thing. It's indescribable really, but things seem so simple. Even passing other gay guys in Paris was a form of connection- maybe it's just me, but when I see another gay guy, we can both tell, by the look in each other's eye, that the other is gay, and it's kind of a rapid way of saying "Yo man, I understand." It's really nice. I'm glad you're getting through your hopeless feelings. Sure, let's be penpals! e-mail me- pianoperson60@hotmail.com anywho, I gotta go. Im starting up working again at the evil ice cream parlor in my town. I gotta raise money for my year-long exchange trip to Germany. thanks guys! Love, Dylan
sir, I wouldn't post your email address in a public forum like this, never know who might be viewing it. if ya want to email someone from the forum, send them a PM with your email address. Just trying to protect you and others. We are friendly here, but we do get the occassional anti-gay thumper or perv, so please be careful. Your a smart guy and you'll get through this and find that special guy that you will connect with. Youth runs at high warp speed in a sub-light world, it will take time but I know it will work out for you. peace out, bob
hey, yeah I'm thinking that I'll try and make some friends in nearby cities- philly/new york, but I don't know how to go abou that. whatever, I'll find somebody. I guess I just needed to vent. it can get quite tiring. Its more frustrating also because my town is known for being such a gay-friendly place- then WHERE ARE all the gay people?! The answer to that is that my town has a high ADULT gay population, but not amongst the youth. thanks guys Dylan
let me spin you a tale of romance... jk. my uncle is gay and he had no problewm meeting his boyfriend online. bear411.com or something of the like. I myself met my special girl Ashley in a mall. she made eyes at me and we've been together for 10 months. love can happen anywhere. just keep your head up yes? ashley wouldve gone unnoticed if my head was down.
We All Shine On- thanks for the advice- i like the story of how you met your girl- that's really neat. Cheers, and mUch Love, Dylan
Hey Mister, Sounds like you got self esteem problems.. I know how it feels seeing other people in a relationship.. To feel what you want that you feel you cant have.. Trust me things do happen if fate exists then love will come in time.. Your 16 mate i didnt find my first boyfriend til I was 18 and my partner im with now we met over my voice.. As i told a waitress in a bar to go fuck off and things happenned from there.. You could walk down the street and fall in love with someone there and then.. My advice is Be yourself Be happy and proove you exist in the world Regards The_Warden
hey, The Warden- as far as self esteem issues go, I'm not sure that I have those. There's not really a way to prove it, but I do have strong confidence in myself. That's not to say I've never been upset- but I'm not sure if that has to do with my self esteem. It has more to do with other things (my parent's divorce, etc.). But whatever. By the way you respond to my post, it soudns as though you think I'm being quite impatient and whiney- and you knwo what? I'm noticing now that I really am being whiney and impatient. I'm lucky to have already had my first boyfirend when I was 15, so I guess I should shut up. Other people have it much worse and I've been kind of annoying. Sorry guys, Thanks again, Love, Dylan
You're far from being the only one who feels this way. There are a number of different ways gay men find each other. It's a lot easier in large cities, and easier once you're older. Some guys meet in bars and clubs. Some meet through mutual friends. Some meet in gay organizations. Other guys meet over the Internet. How does society treat them? It depends on where they are and how they live their lives. If you're in a city with a large gay population, it's usually easier. If you're surrounded by very conservative people, it's tougher. New Hope is not the worst place to be, but there are better places also. How you treat people and how you come off will have some effect on how you are treated. Are they afraid to show affection in public? Some are, and some are not. Don't worry about your own feelings. Are they happy? Some are, and some aren't...just like everyone else. Why don't you ever run into gay guys? Who says that you don't? I suspect may gay 16-year-olds are very worried about the wrong people discovering their secret. You may want to spend some time investigating gay groups or activities in nearby cities. What I've found on the Net suggests there are plenty of gay people in your town, but probably not people in your age group. Check out what Philadelphia has to offer, and investigate bulletin boards and Web sites aimed at gay youth.
thank you pianopesron60 for your suport.i want to know you i am not a scam!!!!somody say to me <you are scam and want to using the people>and i feel so sad because they can't understend what i feel now.i am from Grecce.see you!
