Stoner boyfriend

So I didn't know whether to post this under the Marijuana forum or this one, but I went with this one. I've been with my boyfriend for about two months and he smokes every day which doesn't bother me. I know weed isn't comparable to opiates, but since I used to be addicted to opiates, I feel like I'm seeing him making the same decisions about using as I used to. He has all day to smoke and then he sometimes decides that he's going to hang out with people and get high while I'm visiting him. I used to mentally ditch my friends and get doped out when I was with them too, and for me, I can recognize now that I was completely choosing drugs over the people I loved. We're both in college and I visit him 1-2 times a week, so we decided that since we don't see each other too often for long periods of time, he could smoke on the day I visit, but earlier in the day, because I don't smoke weed anymore. I'm really happy that he is being considerate and genuinely cares about me not smoking, but I still feel bad that I can't share the love of weed with him. I wonder if he feels like we just can't relate on that level...when I was into opiates I don't think I would've chosen to be with a guy who didn't understand that lifestyle either. I guess I'm just wondering how important it is for a guy who smokes to have a girlfriend who smokes as well? I know its different for everyone, I just need to hear some opinions.

 

i don't see any problem. it shouldn't matter that you don't smoke, as long as you don't have a problem that he does. you used to smoke so at least you can understand that "lifestyle."

 

yeah. I guess so. I definitely don't have a problem with him smoking, so I guess I should just look at it that way. There are way more difficult/controlling girls to deal with out there hah

 

well i had a "gf" that claimed she didnt care but totally cared. I know my next gf is going to have to indulge

 

oc_love, do you think you might care a little more than you think you do?

 

I don't know, I don't think I care. The only reason why I'd care that he smokes is that I can't share the love of weed with him. I've gotten over the fact that he loves weed a lot and he's not going to change that, so it's really fine, I just feel like I'm not good enough.

 

thats stupid you should compare yourself to like that to marijuana.

 

Yeah I know, I'm just really paranoid that I'm not as important, but in reality, I guess I should be.

 

youve smoked before you say. You know how it is, just enjoy him high or straight. Its not like he is someone else or not focused on you just cause he is high

 

just because we call it mary jane doesn't mean you are competing with another woman for his affection.

it's not weed OR you.

and if he has a problem with you not smoking, then he's a douche. maybe it would be cool if you guys could share a toke together every now and then, but it's not that big of a deal.

 

He doesn't have a problem with me not smoking, he understands that I don't like it anymore, get paranoid, etc. So it's probably fine. Thanks guys p.s. porkstock: you saw Interpol?? My FAAVORITE band. Saw them this summer.

 

fixed.

yeah, i saw interpol. it was an awesome show, in a small venue so i was pretty close to the stage. i just started listening to them like 2 years ago, but i like them a lot. i haven't been listening to them much lately though, maybe because i tripped on salvia (terrifying) while two of their songs happened to be playing in the background.

i really like obstacle 2. "rosemary...heaven restores you in life. you're coming with meeeeee, through the again, the fearing, the strife"
i sang along like crazy during that show! now i must listen to that song:sunny:

what other bands do you like?
you should check out Pinback.

edit: shit i almost knew i had the wrong song. i love obstacle 2, as well, but those lyrics i think are from evil. shit, now i'm embarrased. i never know very much about the bands i like, especially the ones i've found out about recently. as you can see i don't recall song names that good, and i rarely know the band members' names. but i do know that interpol had gotten a new bassist kinda recently before i saw them. and i guess it was their first time touring in like 4 years?

 

Thank you for "correcting" me haha and before I finished reading your reply, I almost started to write "actually, those lyrics are from 'evil' " haha. But yeah I love Interpol. They do have a new bassist, and I think they're still amazing. Funny that you mention Pinback, my friend just recommended them to me. I haven't listened to much of their stuff but I definitely will. I listen to a lot of different kinds of music, and Interpol is actually kindof the odd one out I suppose. I mainly listen to Beirut, Sigur Ros, Sufjan Stevens, Sun Kil Moon, Frou Frou, Imogen Heap, and some others. Nothing I listen to is really comparable to Interpol though, as far as genre. But they're still my favorite.

P.S. I can't imagine Interpol on Salvia! That would be trippy in a weird way.

 

when i've done salvia, i never had the slightest clue what music was playing in the background...

i could understand a non-smoker having a problem with dating a stoner, but i really don't see what problem a stoner could possibly have with a non-smoking significant other.

 

Interpol now have a member from the secret machines. I've seen Interpol twice and the secret machines 3 times. i'm from the UK

SAY HELLO TO THE ANGELS!

 

well pinback is maybe my favorite band. they aren't that much like interpol either. i also enjoy a few songs by imogen heap, frou frou, and sigur ros.
El Ten Eleven is a great instrumental band that i also got the chance to see. i believe i took a hit of acid for that show

i only know because of the playlist i was listening too. it was on the 2nd to the last song (i think it was Evil actually) when i hit it. i was out of this world for a few minutes, and came to with c'mere playing. this time i'm sure of the name. and i'm pretty sure the hook in that song had a cyclical effect on my salvia trip. i attempted to explain that in another thread though. and it's creeping me out again now listening to those two songs. i think i just realized that evil was the other song. i'm not sure of that one because the site at which i had the playlist is gone now.

would that be the bassist?
i've never heard of the secret machines


sorry to hijack the thread, i'm stoned:sifone:

 

Think TSM member is on a keyboard.

 

Well, the subject has been changed, but in regards to the stoner boyfriend...

I was a stoner boyfriend for 3 1/2 years with a lovely girl. She used to smoke before we got together, but she quit. So, for three and a half years, I smoked weed a lot (almost everyday) and she never smoked it. She was cool with the fact that I smoked, and I tried not to smoke around her, so it was all good.

I have to say that occasionally, I would have liked it if she smoked with me, but I knew it wasn't her thing, so I accepted the fact that smoking was something we would never share.

And that's one of the hardest parts about a relationship: Accepting the things you DON'T have in common.

 

Well any real relationship needs compromise. If I had a girlfriend who didn't smoke and didn't like being around high people I'd abstain around her, as long as she understands that it's something I've chosen for myself and allows me my freedom I'd have no problem giving her some space from it.

There are a lot of pro-pot people here who will tell you you're flat out wrong for not liking him smoking, but fuck that. If you care about him, you wouldn't want to keep him from happyness. And if he cares about you, he shouldn't rub your face in things that make you uncomfortable.

As long as you are both willing to give a little, I see no real problem here.

 

It depends. If the person who smokes is the type that gets so high he/she becomes quite or really dumb, etc... then it can be really annoying to the person around them who isn't high. The reason you came to hang out with them was probably to interact with them - if they decided to get so high they turned their brain off then what's the point of seeing them?

If however the effect is pretty mild then it shouldn't matter much in my opinion.

My girlfriend smoked almost every day for like a decade and then when I first starting seeing her she got really high/drunk a couple of times when i was still sober and it was a huge turn off. Asked her to stop smoking weed for a while and that "while" turned into a year. Nowadays we both smoke but not as frequently as she used to.

Even when i'm stoned too sometimes it bothers me because she becoems very quiet and reserved when high and it's just... boring ...

All things in moderation...