*sigh* I'm really stuck. Leane has had this thing for hitting people for a while now. It's not as bad as it was before...I asked her to stop hitting other people and now she hits herself in the head whenever I tell her she can't do something. I tell her to stop hitting herself and ask her why she's doing it, and then she stops. But then a few hours later she does it again. She hasn't completely stopped hitting other people, either. Today, she ended up grabbing me by the throat and would not let go. She may be a baby, but I couldn't breathe while she was doing it cuz she had such a strong grip. I don't know what's going on...she's just getting worse. When she grabbed my throat today, I sat down with her and loudly told her to never do that again and that it really hurt. She cried for a few minutes and then wanted to cuddle. And now she's back to htiting me again.
well aiden has been going thorugh that same thing for the past couple months. at first i would tell him not to hit cuz its not nice and it hurts. after a few days of being unsuccessful by telling him i would react back to when he would hit me i would hit him back (but not hard) i know it sounds kind of childish but to be honest it works. aiden he still hits but its not hard and its not in a mean way its just to get oyur attention so he can show you something or he is play hitting. we (shane aiden and i) made a game up where aiden hits daddy's head then daddy hits his head and so on and so forth. i think aiden gets his urge out to hit while playing that game. im not suggesting that you start hitting your child to where you hurt her i am just suggesting you smack her hand hard enough where she is in shock then ask her how it feels to be hit. its not a nice thing it hurts and that you dont like having to hit her but if it's the only way to get to stop then you will have to do it until she stops. thats what i did with aiden and he pretty much stopped hittin other people and he knows better than to hit just because.
please don't hit you child, that is never a good way to foster a gentle, peaceful relationship. there are other ways to get through this developmental age group (all kids go through this). Ask yourself why she might be hitting, does she need you to do something for her that she can not do for herself? Is she hungry and doesn't know how to voice it? Is she really excited and has no outlet? I strongly suggest teaching your child sign language. Just a few words would really get you through this stage in a peaceful way. "help" "more" "finished" etc are really easy signs for babies/tots to sign. "eat" or "hungry" would be another good word to start with. Children hit us to get our attention. They can not speak, they can not just say to us, hay mom, I'm tired and crabby, will you hold me? Hay mom, I'm having a hard time figuring out this toy, can you help me? Hey mom, there's a new kid hanging around me and I'm feeling shy and uncomfortable, but I don;t want to stop playing, will you come play with me and help me to learn how to play with this new kid? See my point? It's a shame that kids can't talk earlier, but we can teach them how to communicate with us. I'm really sorry FF, but how in the world is your child supposed to NOT hit others, when he's being taught TO hit at home? A great sign language site: http://signwithme.com/
yeah your right but now that i read your post i just relized that ever since i started teaching him how to sign he really cut down on hitting and there i cut down on tapping his hands. so yeah i never connected the two until now. so thanks for the eye opener. aiden he really only hits when he plays with e or daddy and its a play hit plus aiden knows better than to hit other people or kids especially babies the first thing he does when he has a play date or he sees antoher kid in the stor ehe blows kisses and want to hug them. with babies he kisses their head and pats their back and gives them their nuk or gives them his drink. so i dont think he would have a problem with being social and not hitting. plus i would tap his hands (just to shock him not to hurt him) when he was around 13 months when he would get into things. he didnt start hitting for no reason until one of his lil friends just ran up to a 5 month old baby and smacked him on the head. then next day aiden started hitting us so i would just tap his hands or tap his butt and ask him hows it feel to be hit right back it doesnt feel very nice huh???? and he would frown and cry and after a week of doing so he stopped hitting and used his signs more. sorry if i gave the wrong impression i by no way hit my child to hurt him i simply tap his hands or butt to shock him or to surprise him.
I have to agree. babies hit because they have NO control of their limbic system, as adults we do. Look at the kids who were the worst bullies and fighters as kids. ALL of them came from houses with LOTS of beatings and hitting ect. The "bad kids" didn't cause the beatings, the beatings caused the "bad kids." Babies will hit, sometimes. I use a tecnique called "niceing." "Nice the puppy." "Nice mama." It's OK to tell the child they have hurt you, they don't really understand that hitting actually causes pain to others, (but YOU do) so it takes a while to learn. I also would only allow babies at this age to touch things with ONE finger, so they would be gentle. Especially animals and babies. "You may touch the puppy with ONE finger, very nicely." (As long as you have permission of the owner, or it is your dog, of course.) I let my kids know when they hurt me. "OW, don't hit, that HURTS mama." An exagerated sad face helped, too. If "an eye for an eye" policy every worked, violence, hurt, and war would have stopped over 2,000 years ago. Some one needs to tell the Bush administration this.....
I won't hit Leane...I myself wouldn't understand it if another person hit me and told me not to hit them. Hell, I'd want to kick their ass if they did that. i don't expect Leane to make sense of it, either. Colorful, that actually did cross my mind. It's a real pain in the ass to be so busy with college cuz sometimes I'm just not at the top of my game when it comes to paying attention to her needs. Just in the last few weeks, we have began to establish more signs, like when she is finished eatting, when she needs me to take something or she wants something or doesn't want me to give her something. Our communication is really starting to increase, and I love that. I really do think that the only reason why she is acting out that aggressively is because I don't always pick up on her signals all the time. Thanks for reassuring what I was already debating! Now, does anyone know why she is hitting HERSELF? I'm still trying to figure that one out...
Same reason kids always act up...she wants your attention. Same reason kids hold their breath...they think the parent will freak out (which is stupid...if a kid holds their breath they'll just faint-and thats if they can make it that long-and then they'll start breathing again and wake up after 2 seconds) Unless she's holding some kind of weapon I'd just ignore it. Most kids that age wouldn't seriously harm themselves. And if they do, that'll teach 'em
Then take that bat straight to grim's house and whack him with it. She's probably hitting herself, simply because she can. She's probably just experimenting with touch/reaction kinda thing. When my kids hit themselves I like to remind them that it is not respectful to hit anyone, me, papa, themselves, the cats, no one. I tell them to be gentle and peaceful, then help them to be gentle with their hands on their body. Then I either ignore it or try to redirect to another activity, building blocks, play dough etc...
I know that. You are too good of a mama to do that. Breath holding is actually a neurological behavior, not a controlable one. Kids who breath hold have a higher risk of seizure, and they usually have NO control over it. Some kids actually "forget" to breathe when they get hurt of scared or angry. A child who breath holds needs to see a doctor. A neurologist, if your Ped tells you the child is trying to "control" you, as many Peds didn't pay attention in Neuro Class.
Jimmy pulls my hair because he knows it will get me to react in a very strong way. He knows he can pull in a certain direction and I will follow. Like if I roll away from him in bed, he will do it to get me to roll towards him again. I finally got him to realize it hurts me and not to do it. Now when I say not to pull mamas hair he looks at me and pulls his OWN hair and he grimaces like I do when he does it. Then I just say really lovingly "No no, don't hurt baby! Love baby!" And stroke his hair. It's starting to help some I think. I like Maggie's One Finger rule, I'm gonna try that one.
My Dad is a great parent and he did put me over his knee "once" and only once in my life to give me a beating with a hairbrush. You know, it worked. From that day on I behaved much better. My grandmother and mother on the other hand would just hit me with wooden spoons and it had no effect on my behavior. I think it has to do with the way the punishment is served and the feelings behind it. Different hands spank difffertent ways. If you love your child, and you spank them, they know it is because you love them. They will try to please if you love them with all your heart. I am not saying my mother didnt love me. She just didn't discipline her own heart.
