So I finally called the cops

I'm not sure if you all remember my problem here. We just got new neighbors in the apartment above us and we suspected that the man was beating the wife up. We didn't exactly have any evidence though, as I suppose they very well could have been bowling in their apartment, or had some elephants over to party.

In any event I was torn. Having grown up in a violent household I felt compelled to help, but I also knew that sticking my nose in will in most cases make the situation worse. I mean its been 25 years and my father hans't changed, and he's been locked up many a times for beating up my mom. She kept taking him back and he'd do it again.

Anyway, back to now. So this morning at 9 am (we never sleep that late either) I was awakened by the man and woman fighting. They were screaming at the top of their lungs and she was crying and I knew that he was hitting her. I could hear things being thrown and smashe and what sounded to me like him either punching her or something. Now mind you where I live is a new complex and my next door neighbor has a dog and we have never once heard it barking, so for us to hear these people upstairs it had to be loud. And they wouldn't stop. It just sounded like it was getting worse and worse. I was honestly afraid that he would kill her. I mean not that this matters but she is a very little girl (I do say girl because she can't be more than 20) and he is huge, bigger than my boyfriend even. It wouldn't take much to hurt her pretty badly.

And this takes the cake. They have a little boy. I think he is like 5. That is the reason I did what I did. I was mostly scared and concerned for the child. I know that she will probably take him back and it will probably happen again, but I guess by calling the police I have made them aware of the situation.

Strange thing is, we called at 9am the police officer(yes just 1) got here at about quarter after and they were still going at it. He went up to their apartment and it has been silent since. She just came out with wet hair so I imagine she showered, and walked to her car alone. But the cop and the man are still up there. I think that is odd. And I do not know where the kid is. Hopefully he wasn't even home this weekend.

Now I am afraid that they are going to retaliate or something. My boyfriend has a new car that he loves, I don't want them to slash the tires. Nor do I want the guy to try to come after me or call the cops if we have the radio on. Is there anything that we can do now to protect ourselves? And what if it happens again. Do we keep calling the cops? I don't want to be a nosy neighbor. If they were just arguing then I'd mind my own business but I seriously thought the girl was being hurt or killed.

Thanks for the advice.
Jen

 

you made the right call, don't let psycho man know tho.

 

Yeah I just hope he doesn't get a gun and try to kill me. He is a former Marine.

 

deny deny deny.

dont let him know it was you. lie. its okay to lie to miscreants to save your life.

 

Good for you DeadBear...it's good to know that some neighbors actually care enough.

 

You don't know how many lives you could have saved by doing that. You should feel really good about yourself right now. I wish my neighbor would have done that for me back when I was going through that.

Like a previous poster said...LIE. Lie if he/she asks if you called the cops. You'd be protecting yours and your boyfriend's lives.

GOOD FOR YOU!

 

We don't talk to them. They are so weird. We tried to be friendly when they first moved in, but they just kept walking. But if he does say something I will lie. I don't have any problems with that. It is just that he might know simply because there is no way it could be anyone else. I mean I'm afraid he might do something, but at the same time I'm glad that we finally did call the police. I don't know for sure that every time we heard noises up there that he was hitting her, but I know for a fact that this time he was hitting her, and if it has happened once I'm sure it has happened before.

I too wish someone had helped us out when we were younger. I used to have to call the police on my dad when I was little too. I'm glad the kid wasn't there this time.

But in all honesty, this might sound bad, I just wish I could take my bat here and beat the living shit out of him.

 

that does sound bad, you should let me do it instead.

 

I'm a huge peace freak, but guys that beat women deserve any bad shit they get. Same goes for women that beat guys though. No one should lay a hand on anyone.

Maybe we should all gang up on him *winks*

 

Seriously, if I caught him beating her, I doubt I could resist doing my best to remind him that it is not acceptable in such a way that he would not likely forget. I know it is wrong, and that love is the only permanent solution, but bullies, molesters, serial killers, serial rapists, etc. piss me off to the point that my rational, compassionate side gets drowned out by my indignant, how dare you side. I am working on it.

 

Well, nothing happened. The guy and the girl were just at their apartment and they left together. So now what? Do I call the cops the next time it happens? I just can't understand women like this. I know I sound like a cold hearted bitch, but I don't get what is wrong with her. My mom was the same way. I just don't see why anyone would allow themselves to be treated in this manner. I kind of feel like why bother if she isn't going to leave or do anything. And I'm really pissed. She is obviously selfish because she doesn't have the best interest of her child in mind. That makes me even more angry that she has a kid and she would raise him in this type of situation. Grrrr! I don't know what to do now.

 

I doubt he will go after you now that the police is involved..so calling the police sometimes protect everyone.

Besides, anyone in the building could have called the cops simply because they heard *noise*...don't assume that he knows you're angry at him. He may just think that you guys were pissed by the constant trouble.

 

It's hard, I know. But it's ten times harder for her. I WAS that girl. I kept going back probably a hundred times. Abusive partners have a way of making their victims think that they need them. That they are pieces of shit, worthless and no one else will want them. Plus, the fact that they DO have a child together makes it even harder. They have a feeling of having to keep the family together. Maddie was 8 months old when I finally left her father. He abused me from the time I got pregnant until the day I left. Not always physically, but emotionally, mentally. You did the right thing, but yeah it probably won't do any good. I had all my family and friends plead with me to leave him; but I didn't listen. She won't leave until she feels she is strong enough to do it.

 

I agree. You do what you can but at some point its their decision. You did the right thing. My neighbours downstairs argue and shout all the time and while I dont think it has gotten to that violent stage yet, I do worry. I worry whats happening, and I worry about what I should do if I ever suspected there was violence. There's just our two flats in our building so they woud have no doubt it would be me that called the cops if anything did happen. its a difficult situation alright.

 

i definitely think you did the right thing in calling the cops.... i wouldn't have been able to listen to it, either.... just horrible.

good luck..... to you and the woman upstairs.

peace,
sophia

 

You deffinately did the right thing by calling the cops, even if nothing seems to have happened. Maybe it got the message through to the guy...?
My fiances aunty (who I'm incredibly close to. She took me in when my parents kicked me out) got attacked by her ex-husband Kev. It shocked the hell outta me, cos he's so small and quiet. He didn't seem the type, but I saw Aunties face after what he did and I fucking hate that guy. If I see him again...
Last week Kev was found guilty of assault and tresspass. He got a $400 fine and a suspended sentence.
Maybe try talking to the girl about it? I dunno. I guess its complicated.

~Moro

 

DON'T talk to the girl. Most of these womyn are so brainwashed she'd nod in agreement for the length of time you were talking and then run to tell her boyfriend you're "picking on her." Instead, consider slipping an anonymous note in her car or have the cops talk to her. See if local shelters can talk with her. Don't be afraid to get ahold of CPS for that kid. Talking to her directly is almost certainly a bad plan if you're a stranger neighbor.

 

i had neighbors like that. thank god they didn't have a kid, that would have really steamed me up. poor baby, i can totally feel for you worrying about him.
my neighbors would fight and scream but i never heard him hit her. however, he did threaten ME. we lived above them and the floors were thin and he would have a fit if he heard anything, and come storming up the stairs. after a while i stopped answering the door. then one day he was sitting out front and threatened my children because they'd wrestled for about 10 seconds, literally, before i made them stop. i blew up...literally saw red. i launched myself at him--and mind you he was considerably bigger than i was, he also had a friend with him. i grabbed his head and was screaming about him and his wife making noise. i don't remember what i said really. i shook his head back and forth. i let go of him and went upstairs. he called the cops on me. they were understanding of me but said i couldn't touch him. he didn't press charges, but after that we were careful to avoid each other. i'm pretty sure he keyed my car, though.
sometimes my temper gets the best of me...
i really feel for you. sometimes apartment living really sucks.

 

ahhh the joys of living in a block of flats

 

Yeah that is how our building is. Just us and them above us. That is how they know it was us. But you know what I've gotten beyond that. I don't think that they will bother doing anything. And hopefully, it will at least make them think before he does it again. I am still afraid. Just today on the news there was some guy in New Jersey just over the bridge here, who kidnapped his girlfriend or wife or something and their kid and held them hostage. I don't want that to happen here. And just last week some guy kidnapped his girlfriend and held her hostage for 4 days and beat her until you couldn't see her bone structure in her face. The neighbors didn't hear her crying or yelling for help for 4 whole days! There is no sense worrying about it though. I will just have to deal with whatever comes along. Thanks everyone for your support in this. It is really appreciated.