This shit is driving me crazy and I just wanted to vent... I feel like I'm in this dumbass cycle that I could have prevented, all of this could've been prevented... Drugs are serious, pills expecially, god, I know they're just benzos but damn I just fiend for a high and they're there.... I've been clean for atleast a week now, thought I was doing good, tonight was just so down so I snorted&ate my good friend clonzapam, mann, thought I was doing good. I keep telling myself "It's only one pill, no biggy." but then one thing leads to another and I'm doing the whole cycle bs again. It's not hard to quit, maybe it's just me....I'm getting counsling, but will it help? Sometimes I just hope they'll suggest medication, mm heaven.. Oh, have a fiend for a best friend and I can't get ahold of him, last real deep conversation with him was with him saying "Billy, I don't know where life is taking me, I'm a fuck up, I think I'm going insane, probally find me on one of these roads from OD'ing on this stupid DISEASE called drugss..."If anything happens to him I'm done, game over, no reason to stick around, why end in that path? How the hell did this start, I continue to ask myself this, I remember explaining to him "I know what I'm doing, pills aint a thing, I'm not an addictive type." 1 pill lead to another, man, what is the point? Love? Peace? Happiness? I'm a teenager with a drug problem and on already the wrong path, Got my court date, mannn, kinda wish I didn't have the chance to make my own mistakes. Seems like I'm takin 5 steps foreward and 10 steps back, yeah I'm listening to "I tried" and it only makes shit worse but makes so much sense to me right now. Had a talk with my dad today, he kept asking What're you going to do with your life? You already have a juvenile record will it lead to anything else? You need to get involved in a "trade union" or whatever, but its not what I want. All I think about right now is about another way to get high tommorow. God, PLEASE, help me? Just give me a crutch!? I need help to walk, legs are weak and just feel like quiting. Oh, I've failed suicide a few times, pft, why did I fail? I shouldn't be here right now, the night i was busted I had enough uppers and downers in my system to kill a 400lb horse probally. Maybe God has a purpose for me, I just wanna figure it out.. Man I'm sorry for going on and on I just need to let the steam out, high as fuck of these kpins and feeling depressed... Am I the only one feeling this? Junkie at this age just seems hopeless..........Failing school, failing life, what next? I aint even gonna preread this, just post it, i dont remember what I wrote above this very sentence but it means something.! Please, tell me I'm not alone and everything will be alright!
Life is here, I've went through alot more shit than alot of people will ever have to deal with in their life, this bad already, what about tommorow? Damn I know I seem like a baby but it aint about that, I need help, I openly say this to everyone but constantly go back to these old habits.......It's not until after I do them that I realize "DUH!? WTF?!" lolz...
The last time I said that on a forum, I was banned? Idk, I aint gonna lie though I'm 16, this shit aint right at this age... I have like 70 years to go probally, scary thought, two people close to my family commited suicide and it really hurt my sis, I couldn't figure out why and she asked me "He aint goin to heaven is he?" I should work towards my afterlife but i need to get my shit straight here first, my old friends look down on me now just cuz I'm an addict, makes me feel worse so I do more shit....wtf is wrong with me?
You are being a manic baby, that is what is wrong with you. Too much drugs, not enough self-control. I will say this, when I was your age I went to rehab, my dad died and I was put on house arrest. I am 20, now. I also laugh about it, now. Man the fuck up.
Not manic, Don't plan to kill anyone! lol, I don't have enough self-control, kinda hope I'm locked up, just to get away from this shit...... I have to much access, don't even REMEMBER how, these things fucked my memory up, I don't remember christmas day and I wasn't even high that day, it makes me sad to think I'm losing memories over this stupid shit. Yes now I'll get angry, take control but dont have the balls to throw it all in the toilet and FLUSH! ugh. I realize I'm fucking up yet I'm still doing this, I dont know, stupid shit man.
You are very, very selfish. Being self-aware is something you need a taste of. Take a look in the mirror, describe what you see and tell me, do ya like it, baby? You are so self-absorbed, just thought I'd stress that.
Is it selfish for me to just get away from it all because I'm tired of listening to my mom cry almost every night? I'm hurting everyone around me, I realize this. My mom explains to me that them as parents fucked up, she's getting me more counsling, thinking someone else can fix what she supposedly fucked up? Man, I don't like her to think this, but it's true, I'm a fuck up... Failing school, have been for two years, but hell I just get high and don't give a fuck about anything, it's my escape obviously....How do I stop? Saying no isn't as easy as some people have shown me.
Saying no is that easy, wanting to say no is the tricky part. Your posts can be encompassed with one word: selfish. I am done replying in this gay ass thread, man the fuck up, fag.
If I'm being selfish, I don't see it, why not worry about number one? Sometimes you gotta think about what's best for you, hell idk. anyways.. ha.
hey dot you do need to think about yourself sometimes. life sure as hell isn't about being 100% self-less. why do you turn to junk when you feel bad? why don't you cry with your mom instead of watching her? sounds like you're wanting to do just that. your first post sounded like a dylan song. do you write?
You're obsessive man - so am I - that shit will get on my mind and there is no brushing it aside. All I can do is tough it out - it's all a head thing. After a while it will recede - and come back - an recede. I don't get it so often now - I'm 61 but I'm like you - it's almost like haveing a plastic bag over your head and needing to breath. Hurrah for Does2 - I'm not as selfless as him. Hang in there man - it will pass.
Well, to talk to online, but not really to hang out with atm, considering none of them are alowed here.
Like I said, you nee to pcik yourself up by your bootstraps... no one else will. Be strong... attend a few NA meetings. Go to church a few times. Kepp good vibes coming in, man.
