Hey I'm a 17 year old individual who's going through hard times. Regular teen angst I guess but it just seems terrible. Thanks to school and work I hardly get to be with friends anymore. I digress, ahh... amongst these many common problems one uncommon to me is figuring myself out, my orientation. I've only been in a relationship with one girl, and it never went anywhere, so it's easy to say I'm a virgin. That was two years ago. Recently, in the past few months, I've had alot of awkward thoughts. When I look at porn these days, I tend to lean towards trying to find the gay porn. I know this doesn't mean I'm gay or anything, but what did make me think is I wondered how it felt. I was curious "Maybe.. maybe I'd be brave enough to do that?". From then on the thought has jumped in and out of my mind. Not to say the feminine form isn't aethetically pleasing anymore, but I just can't label myself. Just this morning I was walking behind a guy I vaguely know.. and caught myself looking at his bum for a minute and started to get kind of aroused! It's at that point I thought "Am I gay?" How can I go about figuring this out? I'm afraid my friends might desert me if I told them... but my mother has said, straight or gay she'd support me. Not sure about my dad.. but I'm in fear of rejection by people, if I am gay. Sometimes I ponder about it so much I end up thinking about suicide. Any responses or help would be greatly appreciated =\ -TDS
well you always have us to talk to if you dont feel confortable with those you know! from what you described, you sound to me like you at least bi-curious, perhaps more. have you been attracted to females in the past? and also, have you been attracted to men (physically or emotionally)? could you imagine yourself in a relationship with a man or a woman, or both? these questions could help you determine your sexuality, whether it be straight, bi or gay. but whatever you settle on, embrace your sexuality, and others will too. and if your friends deserted you for being gay, they are the fools, and frankly not worth knowing! and please PLEASE stop thinking about suicide! 17 years is nothing, you have your whole life ahead of you, honey! whatever black clouds may be above you now, they'll disappear with time, and you'll be left with blue skies (and possibly a rainbow!) best of luck with things x
Welcome... 17 years old with school and a job. It can be a very stressful time in your life and worrying so much about your orientation only makes it worse. Of course it's virtually impossible not to worry but like honeyfuggle said, you have your whole life ahead of you. From what you've told us it seems that inside you are open the possibility of being gay, bi or bi-curious despite being afraid of what others might think. I kind of knew my whole life that I was into guys and I was okay with it. Kids in the schoolyard would through around the term "gay" or "faggot" and I had no clue what those words meant except that they were bad and to be gay or a faggot was something bad. I never gave it much thought until I actually found out what they meant and I suddenly realized that I was gay and a fag. I tried so hard to change to try and like women but after a few years I just gave in and eventually accepted myself. Two months is still pretty recent. These may be just passing thoughts or they may be something more. Only time will tell. Even then, don't be so hasty to put a label on yourself. Just be yourself. If you like women then that's wonderful. If an opportunity arises in the future to experiment with another guy and you're still curious about it then don't hesitate to consider it. Don't feel pressured to choose and stick with an orientation. It sounds like you have a terrific mom. It would mean so much if my mother would reassure me that she'd love me no matter what. I'm also not sure about my dad. My friends have all been accepting though, even one who I was certain was a homophobe (judging from remarks he frequently made) turned out to be okay with it. If you don't mind me asking... Where do you live? If you don't want to answer, would you mind saying if you live in a big city, smaller city, small town or rural area? I think population density of a town/city or even a region has a huge impact with how tolerant people are. Places like New York or Toronto have so many different types of people and I think that because people frequently interact with different types of people that they are more tolerant to things like homosexuality. Compare that to a small rural town. There usually isn't a lot of diversity when it comes to the citizens that live there and when they may not be as tolerant when it comes to different types of people. That isn't to say you won't find anyone that accepts you but from what I've read it is usually a little more narrow-minded in some of the smaller towns. Relgion will also factor in to people's acceptance. Are any of your friends religious? Is your family? They may have been brought up to believe it is wrong. Anyway, my post is getting too long. Please don't think about suicide even if life is stressful. If there is something bothering you then the best medicine (at least that I've found) is to talk to someone about it. If you can't talk about it with friends or family then you're always welcome to talk here. I'm going to guess you're in the United States. If so check this link out. http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Coming_Out3&Template=/CustomSource/Agency/AgencySearch12.cfm Don't hesitate to give any of those numbers a call. They are toll free. Dial from a payphone if you're unsure if someone will listen in at home. They'll probably be better trained to help you out and they're confidential. Please give it serious consideration. Trust me, it really helps to talk to somebody even if they are a complete stranger over the phone. Good luck bro. You sound like a nice guy with a lot of potential and the World would be a better place if you stuck around. Take care of yourself. Ian
I appreciate all the help from you guys, it's nice to have some people to talk to. Sorry if I mislead you SlickyPants... I posted this at 3 am in the morning yesterday.. that time period is more like November last year. -blinks- I don't suppose half a year would be much different though would it? I won't say a specific town because the one I live in is not very big (small town, according to your choices) but it's in Florida. As a side note some of my friends would say sometimes "You're going to end up coming out as a gay, man, I can already tell!". I couldn't ever tell if they were dicking around or being serious... it might have been because I never really sought an active relationship with anyone. Could it be obvious to others without even me myself knowing? I don't *think* I act gay in public... never really flirty with either sex. Being emotionally attached to someone, one sex or the other, I couldn't say for. Including the sex. Like you said I'd have to find a way to experiment I guess.. being in two relationships would be risky, though, especially if one of them was with the same sex. -TDS
Hey... First off, people love you, that includes your family and friends, so please don't go off and do something that you can't take back...suicide that is I'm a 19 yr old guy from Pa, and have just recently started telling my friends im bi. If you were to ask me, it sounds as if your bi-curious or more. Excuse me for being just a bit inappropriate but, as for your taste in porn, I can relate entirely. I go in stages, usually i gravitate more towards the gay stuff, but the straight stuff does it for me to. Also, I've never been a flirtatious guy either. I've had one real relationship (it was a girl), it lasted for a year, but lets just say it got stale. If there is one thing you need to do is let your love for someone decide if you want to be involved with him/her or not As for your friends, they're guys, they say that bs because they want to fit in...If they care for you, they'll be there for you
Hey man, if it makes you feel any better, I'm almost like two years older than you and I still have no fucking clue about sexuality. I've been in long term relationships with both sexes, and even a couple transgender people, and I still don't know which label I'm supposed to pick. Be thankful your mother at least supports you. I got kicked out of the house when I came out.
