situation

Ok, here's the deal. I've been going out with this girl for 2 1/2 years, and we talk to each other like 3 times a day. Well on friday I talked to her at like 5 and the last thing I heard was that she was on her way home from work, and she was going to get changed and come over to my house. She never comes over I don't get a call from her, and she dosnt answer her phone when I called before I went to work at 11. I stopped by her house in the morning to see if she was OK, but her cars in the driveway, so it's not like she got into a wreck or anything. Two days go by, and on monday i get a call saying she ended up going to daytona with a friend samantha and shes home now. im pissed for being blown off like that and for her not answering her damn phone and me not hearing from her for an entire weekend. she said she didnt want to call me saturday because she knew I'd be pissed and she didnt have the balls to call. grrrr it just pisses me off for some reason.

anyways, there's my random thought. i don't know how i should react to this...

 

Well, I gotta tell you first of all that I'm a very independant and autonomous person. So, what I'll say may not apply or you might not want to do it...

When I first started dating my wife, her mom had died a year ago and she'd been divorced for like 10 months and a half. So, she was very unstable. I was crazy about her but, seriously, in real life, my dignity is important. I called her once and she was in one of her pissy moods. I went like this to her: "Do you want me to never call you back?". She said "Yes". So, I never called her back. We work at the same place btw. A week later she sees me and she said that sometimes when a girl says yes it means no...???

So? Well, up to this day, I believe that if I'd have run after her, she'd have avoided me and would've been fed up. Girls, like men, need time on their own, and second, if you "force" yourself upon someone, they'll only avoid you.

My serious advice is show that hurt or offended. Don't overdo it, ask her if she'd prefer time off from you. I know that this might hurt you and that you're taking a chance but believe me, no one in the universe is worth your dignity. The reason is simple: if you lose your dignity towards your girlfriend, you'll lose her anyway. A girl wants a guy who can stand up.

Like I said, this is just me. I've lost a few girlfriends with my ways too. But, what's great :X is that they never knew if I hurted or not. If you don't think I'm good enough for you, so be it, but, I don't beg.

Ain't I a bitch or ain't I a bitch?

 

I'm going to tell you, all girls need space. Don't be angry. And don't worry about her.

 

lol, your taking it the wrong way. she's always the one that wants to be with me constantly and wants me to call before i go to work, after i get off work, before i go anywhere. she gets pissed off when i can't see her because i have to be somewhere. that's why this surprised me so much. don't worry, i never run after a girl and i know you'll lose a girl if you do.

thanks for the offer though.

 

Well, if it was me I'd be pissed. That was a shitty thing for her to do to you. It would of ruined my entire weekend, I would of been worried something happened. I would of been outa my mind.

Now that she is home I would have a serious talk with her. You can't have a relationship without trust. Granted you both need space to grow. Your 18. You should be doing fun things but that doesn't mean to disrespect or lie to the other.

Ask her if she needs a break in the relationship. You might not like her answer then again you both might be able to work something out that suits the both of you.

Try talking with her about it. Try not to yell. Try and keep an open mind. Think before you have your talk so you can tell her what you want out of this relationship too.

I wouldn't be afraid to let her know you were hurt. I know I much rather see my man show me is heart when he is talking to me than hide it. Makes me want him even more. (ps, we don't play those mind games with each other so when I say it makes me want him more it is because I appreciate the fact he can talk to me and share how he feels with me.)

I wish you well with this.

 

I have to say, give her some space. Yes, she should have called to say she wasn't coming, but hey, we all make mistakes.
When you say you talk to her 3 times every day, is that you calling her or does it go both ways?

Seriously, though, if you freak out on her about it, that would set off a "future abusive husband" alarm. Just be honest with her, but let it go.

EDIT: I just saw your response 2 posts up, ok, she may be playing some games too. So, yeah, ask her if she'd like to take a break, see how it goes from there.

 

THis could of possibly been her way of trying to be independant. I remember what it was like always wanting to see my guy. Having to wait when all I wanted to do was be with him. Love is so grand and painful at times.

Granted it wasn't the best way to go about it but in her own way this might of been something she really felt she needed to do for herself.

I would definetly talk with each other to avoid that happening so your both more secure with where each other's at.

 

Thank you Peanut.

I know she won't want time off though. I wanted this before and she went crazy after I "took time off". She's always talking about how lucky she is and all that, but just sometimes she just drives me crazy, like this. I don't know if I want the break or not. I might actually be releaved if she said she did.

I think my biggest thing is my battle between the fact that I'm young and I want to go out and have fun, but then again I have a really great girl (most of the times) and I wouldnt want to lose that. It can't really swing both ways. I guess the thing is that I'm the only guy she's been with, and that really means something to me. Urg, frustrating self battles is all....

 

Regardless of reasons or feelings it was rude behavior. I can understand her needing some space and a week-end with a g/f, but she should have called you.

 

I just thought it over, forget my other reply. In this case a bat with some 8 inch nails sticking out may be the best solution. Only hit her once for this time though. If she does it over, then you can do it more than once. Although if you hurt her too much, she'll be at the hospital and you'll have to do the dishes, which would be unfair since, she'll have brought it upon herself. I'm sure that all the girls here will agree with me. Glad I could help.

 

I have to agree with Peanuts on this one. This is a serious trust issue. If she is afraid to tell you things, now because she thinks you will be pissed, then you need to act to change that.

Her going to Daytona may have been something she needed to let off steam, that part isn't so important (in fact, if she needed space, you should forgive her this, to show that you won't deny her the space she needs).

It's the fact she never communicated with you that is the issue. You need to establish a relationship on a strong foundation of mutual trust and respect. This kine of witholding of information is a sign that that foundation needs work. Act now, before it grows into something worse. But don't justify her lack of communication by acting the way she expected you to, you need to find another route to deal with this. Something that will heal the damage, not make it worse.

As for her space, she just had her space. This needs to be relationship work time (if you are serious about your relationship). Even close friendships must be worked at to maintain.

 

lolol, i expected your first post to be along these lines.

 

Yeah, I wasn't feeling well when I put my first post...

 

that does make a lot of sense know1nozme. i think right now im just waiting for her to call and apologize though, but she seems to act like it was nothing although she knows im pissed.

but you're right, we really just need to talk it out...figure out what her deal is...

 

Just don't post a pic, 'kay?

 

Wrong thing to say...

 

Here's another thought. I don't want to sound like Flanders but this is something I know something about. I have an awesome marriage because we have a solid foundation. Granted you are not married but you are in a relationship with someone you love. Relationships need foundations too.

When I met Mr. Nut I was only 18 he was 24. We had an off/on relatinship for 3 years. A lot of stupid shit went on in those 3 years however each time we took a break from each other I learned something about myself. I ached every single day not being with him. It felt like I couldn't breathe at times. God, I really missed him.

Maybe if you secretly want to take a break maybe that is what you both should do OR try seeing or talking to each other less. That might be hard but it will help you both develope with some independent issues. Seeing as how you have been her first that might be torture for her not having you around her all the time or talking to you. First loves are so challenging because you (well, the majority, not you inparticular) don't know what to do with all these emotions.

If you don't want to lose her to someone else then I would spend time with each other learning how to comprimise on time spending areas.

 

Well I'll talk to her and take it from there. But thank you to all!!!!

as for now...it's my bedtime...

 

I am the kind of person that holds myself to plans and expects others to do the same. If I can't keep an arangement, I do absolutely all I can to make sure the person I am scheduled to do something with knows I won't be able to. It is just common courtsey and respect. I would be a little angry if I found out my girl ran off for a weekend out of town all of a sudden without telling me.

 

Maybe, since she believes you should spend every waking moment together, in her own mind, this is her way of, "getting back at you", for not doing so.