Shit that makes you feel stupid

You ever reach into your fridge for a pitcher of tea or galon of milk, but overestimate the amount of liquid inside, so you put more force into picking it up than is nessecary?
Then, the thing hits the top of the fridge and you feel like a giant douchebag.
When your power goes out, for whatever reason, do you find yourself forgetting, about five seconds later, and flipping a light switch on your way into a room? Doh!
Ever try to shove a tape into a VCR that already has a tape inside?
Or, do you ever pull too far out on the highway, then realize you are beyond the traffic light and so you back the car up a little, but forget it's in reverse when the light changes.
These are a few things that make me feel like a douche, how 'bout you?

 

Im perfect, I never make mistakes so my perfection prevents me from feeling this way.

 

Please teach me of these perfections you speak of, oh great one.LOL.

 

Does lighting a cigarette while you already have one lit count?

 

Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.

 

I can't remember if I've ever done that, but I have lit the wrong end of one.

LMAO@ Family Guy reference.

 

I once drank from a glass of icewater a neighbor fixed for me on request, but it turned out she poured me a Sprite, so I threw up, cause my mouth was expecting water.

 

stupid people are making me feel like shit .....its always like inside out or backwards for me

 

What's sad...is I have actually done both. :&

 

One word Julie.......


DIP

 

I hate it when the phone rings at work (the cordless) and i go to answer it, but i can't find it anywhere. But I can hear it ringing! It's in my pocket the whole time, my coworkers know this and they just stand there laughing their asses off at me the whole time!

 

I say we return to the sign, stand next to it, and take a picture.
Matter of fact, if we want to, we can stand next to signs like that all across Alabama and take photos.
Stand next to the one that says "Don't pass" and hold up a piece of paper that says "Gas".
Bend over next to one that says "Do not enter." etc.

 

Let's go!

 

Hey, I've got nothing better to do than create an entire photo album of totally useless photos, but you knew this.LOL.
Ooh, I hope that DIP sign is still there.
It would be a shame if they tore it down after all the jokes we've shared about it over the years. I should buy one of those plastic mini DIP signs and hang it on my bedroom door just for fun.



Ok, people, just imagine if your car went into a huge dip on the road, and then a few feet away was this sign, only to be seen after the fact. That's what happened to Cyndi and I and it was funny as shit. They could have placed the sign before the dip as a bit of a precursor, but then it wouldn't have been near as funny. Yeah, thanks for the warning...NOW.

 

Back when I was in home ec class, I remember I sewed the pockets to the pant legs. I'm still embarrassed about it. I won't sew to this day. Don't want to tell you what my grade was.
Trying to act like an intelectual once, while watching a documentary, someone remarked about how it's amazing the octopus could cling to the bottom of the ship like that. I said, " that's because of it's testacles " Lol!!!
Worse yet, everyone in my town knows that in our court house, the only thing below ground level is the county holding cells. My first day as a court appointed advocate, I got in the elevator and asked if it was going up! The guards and lawers thought I was crazy.
I often say to myself, God rest her soul, " I AM MY MOTHER "

 

I used to bleach my hair blonde, so maybe that's the reason for this next one.
When I was a teen, my friend and I were just hanging out at my house one day when we decided to order a pizza.
I picked up the telephone, but my mother was talking to someone, as usual.Gab,gab. See, now you know where I get it. LOL.
So my friend says to me, "Hey, I know...let's call my mom and have her order it for us."
She was blonde too. Now, what's stupid is that not only did this comment require a complete brain fart on her end, but my stupid ass, without thinking, said, "Ok."
Then, about a second after the words left my mouth, I was like, "Wait a minute." Even sadder is that I had to call it to her attention.
She was about to pick up the phone when it suddenly hit me that we were both total dumb asses.LMAO.