Sexually attracted to males, emotionally attracted to females

I'm emotionally attracted to females, and sexually attracted to guys. I'm in no way emotionally attracted to guys, and seeing a video of a naked woman doesn't turn me on. I'm still a virgin and 19 years old. Do you guys think that just because I don't get aroused watching a naked woman on video it doesn't really mean that I won't get turned on in real life?

Anyone else feel the same? Has anyone felt this way and is not sexually and emotionally attracted to one sex?

Thanks

 

A woman doesnt have to be naked for a straight guy to be attracted to her. If you've never been turned on by a woman in real life, then seeing one naked in real life is highly unlikely to turn you on either. I dont think the ''naked woman on video'' is even an issue in this case. If you've never been aroused by a woman by 19 years old, chances are you never will be. Also, I dont think the fact you're a virgin is important at all. Im a lot older than you, and still a virgin. Yet I totally know my orientation. You do not need to have sex to know your sexuality. Thats just a myth.

I havent felt the same, no. But I only totally realised I was straight once I became emotionally attracted to men as well as physically attracted to them. (the physical attraction came many years before I felt emotional attraction of any kind. And Im not emotionally or sexually attracted to females at all) But I can be physically attracted to a guy without being emotionally attracted to him, so the two attractions are actually quite different. Although I would say that emotional attraction is the most important of the two when it comes to choosing a partner. However, I can see that you would have a big problem if you were only emotionally attracted to the girl. It might be okay if you could find a girl who was happy to be in a non-physical relationship, but I think it would be hard for you to find someone like that.

 

Well some women take take my breath away in a non sexual way. I can totally get lost in the moment and become happy when I look at some women. I simply dont lust like most men do. However i do lust for men. Confuses me why I can't get aroused from a video.

 

For some, including myself, its hard to feel any kind of thrill from a mere internet video.
Maybe something about faces. (weird I know)

 

You have no way in knowing any of what you said. If you are a virgin you still don't know the level of attraction you feel towards men. You may be disgusted when you come around to experiencing something like that.

Furthermore, if you're a virgin i'm going to half guess you've never had a serious relationship. You may become sexually attracted to a women due to the emotional connection you share with that one person, or you may just realize these emotional issues you have with girls are all grounded within friendship.

You need to not beg the question, and instead put yourself out there and learn from your mistakes. Throw everything against the wall, and see what sticks.

 

I really think that, if anything, it helps. Some people do not, but to someone confused about their sexuality

i'm pretty sure sex is probably the greatest cause of solution.

 

That's exactly what I needed to hear. I've been having troubles convincing myself that a video and real life are worlds apart. But you are absolutely right about "You may become sexually attracted to a women due to the emotional connection you share with that one person, or you may just realize these emotional issues you have with girls are all grounded within friendship."

And yes, I've never been in any kind of relationship. Lately all I've been wanting is to engage in oral sex with guys. A couple years back all I did was fantasize about women.

You're last paragraph is words of the wise. Thanks man Words to live by for sure. I guess I feel out of place because I don't lust for women like most men do.

 

Same age, same situation. Well, mostly. See, I think that it's really just a mess of confusing issues which influence the whole "liking guys physically, but women emotionally". Some of the many factors that may contribute to my own hesitance toward girls is that I really wouldn't know what the female anatomy is actually like, so in a way it just seems foreign. Whereas, you know what you're in for with guys. I feel like we'll be very surprised how things may change once we're ready to experience a physical relationship, test out what we like and don't like. An imagined experience is probably shockingly different from what we'll find in real life...lol. So maybe it's just a "for now" that we feel certain things we feel. I mean, up until very recently, I was in the exact state of mind: no emotional connection to guys, no real physical attraction to girls, but lately, it seems like those boundaries have been breaking down and becoming weaker and weaker every day. Sometimes these things do start slowly, and contrary to what others have said (too lazy to quote), do start very late. Some people's attractions change very late in life! In the end, just know that you are nowhere near alone in feeling what you do, and know that anything can happen. Hope I helped

 

Ya knowing that someone my age is in the exact situation helps a lot. Question though: do you watch porn? If so, what kind? Because I watch homemade gay porn, and I'm sure that has something to do with this since it gives me a better imagination you know?

And you're right about female anatomy being foreign. I don't have the slightest clue as to how "it" would taste, feel, smell, etc. Same goes for kissing. And with guys it's easier because I know what I'm in for. Not to get weird but I get turned on by my body, so guys with a similar body also turns me on. I know how it feels to jerk off, so doing it with/for a guy excites me. But with a girl - I have NO idea.

 

I see where you're coming from. However, do you really think a girl which is also a virgin would know how "it" would taste, feel or smell? I think it goes both ways.

 

Hmm good point. Do you that just because I man doesn't lust for women that it makes him gay?

 

I really dont think anyone needs to have sex to know their orientation, or even intimacy. Emotional and physicial attraction are the only two things that determine your orientation, and both things can be felt without having sex, or even any physical contact at all.

Im not saying that people shouldnt experiment, if they feel the need to do so. But I do think that most people do not need to have sex to know their orientation. Ive never had sex, and probably never will have it, but Ive never thought sex or intimacy are things that I need to have experienced to know what Im attracted to.

I think in the case of men, it can become even more warped, as lots of guys who have homosexual feelings dont like them, and want to be rid of them. There's like a pressure to be ''straight''. Im not saying that is the case for the OP, but definitely some guys try to find things about girls that they're attracted to, when really there isnt much, if any.

 

I agree with your last paragraph. But for me sexual attraction toward men has been there for as long as I can remember - it's how I was born. So I've embraced that and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm just not sure why I can't be sexually attracted to woman even though, like I said, some make me lost in the moment. I get really nervous around some of them.

 

I would still refute the suggestion that you would need to have sex with a girl to know whether or not you're physically attracted to females. I dont think every straight guy lusts over women in general, although that is the stereotype for sure. (the guys think about sex every 6 seconds, and all that stuff. lol)

You say you are nervous around some girls, and maybe that is inhibiting phyiscal feelings for them. Then again, I get very nervous around guys Im emotionally attracted to, but it doesnt stop me from being physically attracted as well. You may have to be in a relationship with a girl to find the definitive answer to your question. Although in saying this, I have heard of other people saying they feel physical attraction but no emotional attraction to one gender, and vice versa for the opposite gender. So it could just be that you actually have no physical attraction for girls at all.

For many years, Id never experienced emotional attraction. And although I did see myself as straight, I only became totally convinced of this fact once I felt emotional attraction for the first time. It is definitely the more powerful of the two attractions, which is why I think its the most important. But maybe you could be emotionally attracted to guys as well, and maybe you could also be physically attracted to females. I think for you, you may need to experiment to find the answers you're looking for. Although you may still feel the same after doing that. It is good to hear though that you have embraced the fact you're physically attracted to men, and are not ashamed of it.

 

Ya experimenting is exactly what I need to do. I'm just anxious if you can understand. Experimenting is whe only way to really find out. I'm jus going to give up porn, go with my gut feelings, and do some experimenting. Like someone said: I need to stop asking questions and get there and learn from my mistakes. I need to stop analyzing my past

 

I felt this way when I was younger. You will find a guy that you are emotionally attracted to. Women are just easier to talk to, not to sound sexist, but that is just my experience. I have way more close bonds to females then males and am gay and could possibly be emotionally attached to a guy.

 

I actually think you have a point here. A friend of mine who is gay, actually said to me he finds it easier to talk to me and confide in rather than his male friends, because Im female. It is a generalisation, but I think most gay men find women easier to bond with and confide in than other men.

 

I dunno for me I have two best friends (who are guys) that I am pretty deep with. I only have one female friend who I'm close with. Other than those three people I find it weird to talk to anyone else about my problems.

But you guys make a point. That generalization is right and not sexist.

 

im in the same situation.. maybe. but see i have been dating my girlfriend for about 16 months now.. there is a huge emotional connection. but still i am very much attracted sexually to men. its all very confusing and i almost think im wrong in dating my girl but i love her so much emotionally it doesn't matter that we don't have sex or any of that.. i am a virgin also.

 

Wow, I certainly feel better now. lol. I'm a guy and I've been in a relationship with a girl for almost 2 years now. Neither of us are the type to go past making out, and so we haven't. Sometimes I think I'd want to, but other times, not so much. Definitely in the same boat as you photobowler!

And to OP, noname123456, I would suggest avoiding looking for a long-term relationship, as I feel it might actually inhibit the process of finding out who you are. Sometimes I consider that I could be wrong about my orientation, because despite my feelings, the actual act of sex with either a guy or girl may end up feeling or in general being, unappealing and only once that experience is had will I be able to say for sure what I like and don't like. If that doesn't make sense, it's kind of like tennis. I always thought I liked tennis, even loved it. Then I actually tried playing, found out that not only did I suck, but got really bored of it really fast and in the end, wound up despising it. Then again, every now and then with the right person...lol.

Oh, and you asked me earlier in the thread if I watch porn and what kind. Yeah, I do. Predominately homosexual I guess, but recently I started thinking more about the female anatomy and now when I see a girl really enjoying sex it does get me excited. Whereas I used to think of the female anatomy as sort of gross/foreign, I now see it is as erotic. Not sure what changed. If I think of anything that I could say made me feel the sexual attraction toward girls, I'll let you know. Maybe it was my girlfriend, lol.

Oh...also a certain guy made me feel emotional attraction to guys. See, he's not the stereotypical guy though. He's sort of feminine. Not very, but maybe that's my type. Guys come with all sorts of personalities, some are even just the same as girls. Perhaps you think you're not emotionally attracted to guys because you're thinking of the wrong guys, the jocks, when really you just have a type (which may defy gender) that is less aggressive. (I actually find myself liking an aggressive, athletic girl, but a more relaxed, introverted, meek guy). Well good luck!!!