Hi. Have you heard Julie Bindel and how great she is? Julie Bindel has done a lot of humanitarian work to help sexually enslaved women across the globe, is a radical lesbian feminist and I really like her. N I rarely like anyone. So there's that. The latest fuss around Julie Bindel (oh yeah) is her saying sexuality is a choice. Why it pissed people off is because they believe for some reason that pushing the idea of compulsory sexuality is a good defense against hate groups even though it's not bc obviously non mutable characteristics like race and gender are what hate groups are fuelled by... As we all see saying sexuality isn't a choice n claiming sexuality is an immutable characteristic does nothing to help gay rights. At all. Why I'm mentioning this well it's bc of ALL these people constantly doing this questioning thing all the time n pulling hair out over it. As women we are inundated from conception till our death to put other's needs before our own. N we're usually taught that lesbianism is either reduced to a form of sexual deviancy or is some far off unattainable thing none of us questioning peeps can grasp. We aren't animals in the sense we are controlled by our compulsory sexuality. No one has to do anything. Women settle for less every single day n live out their lives just going with the flow bc they have see no other options. N I don't call that straight. Frankly I don't even believe in straight or gay. In nature or in humans I don't believe in rigidity. I've seen more evidence against it. Either way it's gross how everyone is always making public their sexuality n I rather never hear about it at all. Idc who it's coming from. Like oh I'm coming out, etc. Idc. I really don't. So. Given I'm pretty asexual so most of it grosses me out. I also feel sexual attraction feelings what gets you off, etc is a vulgar topic to discuss openly the way it's often done. I also like how Julie Bindel said years ago that lesbianism isn't about sex like people twist it around to be. Yep. See I see this as a lot of straight people per se date marry n live lives together etc n sex isn't the main focal point..I see that sex may not even be a main deciding factor in relationships. Aren't people mostly driven to seek partners who allow them to continue patterns of dysfunction from early childhood? I mean there's probably more truth to that then people seeking out relationships or even sex partners based on sex alone tbh. So why constantly over sexualize lesbianism particularly? There's a lot that goes into a relationship besides sex. Heck if you really want a good relationship focusing on sex is the best way to screw it up n most cases. So You should read the lesbian masterdoc. I recommend a youtube series by some ladies who cover the lesbian masterdoc. In the end yes I think too many of us have defaulted t saying straight or going along w situations we hate bc were brainwashed from birth that women are meant to be in constant pain. Like a lot of women don't want to be associated with "lesbian". It's kinda crazy, though bc it's just a word. But I think bc of porn etc it's a bad word to many. Anyways I'm rambling I have no idea what line of thought I'm on. But let me say this. Do I think being w a chick is better in terms of lasting longer? dk never have had a gf. As a matter of fact apparently lesbians divorce at a higher rate bc of our standards for marriage how they're higher than men's. Men are easy. They date us no matter what. They'll stick around bc they're they're straight stalkers. Every time we go out who is asking us out who is begging n pleading n pushing us to look at them? Dudes. Always dudes. So no I don't think women are that into men I think they're just nonstop pressured. Have I ever found a person super hot? Yes. Extremely rarely which has made things even crazier for me WHEN I find someone who attracted me. But I ultimately control myself. Like I'm not driven by my feelings. So. I mean sexuality is certainly a choice in my case. And I think in all of ours.
I don't know that I'd call sexuality a choice, but I can see that it may be influenced by life events and therefore not be set at birth. I, too, am mostly asexual. I have a definite preference for women, and I find men, especially male sexuality, kind of repulsive. But sex has never been a big motivator for me. Full disclosure: I am transgender. I thought I was a straight guy until I figured out that I wasn't a guy at all. My wife calls herself a lesbian-by-marriage.
There may be some choice regarding sexuality in general, but I'm convinced that sexual orientation is innate. Even though I didn't come out until I was 45. Once I was out, I found myself believing that I was always lesbian, but this was concealed by traditional expectations and learned normalities. I didn't decide to be a lesbian; I merely realized that I was one.
This does make a lot of sense, we are told what to think, how to act, what kind of life we should be leading.. it makes you wonder what you would have chosen in the beginning if you were able to decide/explore more freely early on, with no shame. I'm saying this as someone who doesn't identify as a lesbian, but questioning quite a lot of things in my life.
I agree...... Who you like is often forced on you from some idiots who think they have the right answer.... THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER..... LOVE WHO YOU WANT TO...... Love is beautiful and it should not be restricted to one or the other!!!
An individual can claim to have chosen a certain sexual orientation and that may be true for that one person, but it is incorrect to generalize that it is a choice. There's no empirical basis for such a claim. The prevailing consensus of those in medicine, psychiatry (a medical specialty), and psychology who have studied the question in detail and over time have come to two and only two conclusions about it: 1. While a number of factors are involved (choice being a minor one), the exact mechanism of developing a sexuality or sexual orientation remains unclear and unknown. 2. The roots of sexual orientation are present and identifiable in early childhood. Choice as the primary or deciding factor has been tested and proven to be a false hypothesis. An individual who claims to have chosen a certain sexual orientation as if ordering from a menu in a restaurant would be an outlier, potentially truthful but not representative of any common path of such determination.
Like I said, "traditional expectations and learned normalities". I lived it until I was 40. I lived with my mother, then with my ex-husband, then we had children, then we divorced, then the children were on their own. For the first time, I was living alone. This started a period of several years when I had time for myself, and had several realizations. My realizing that I was really a lesbian was one of then. My sister-in-law's life went similarly, until she was late 20's. We are both fortunate to have met and married lifelong lesbians, despite our being "older". Both my sister-in-law and her wife brought a teenaged daughter to the marriage, making it not only a two-mother family, but the most loving family I have ever known. Shortly after their mothers' marriage, both had their coming out, both never having ever been with a man. I don't think their mothers' sexual orientation is the reason why; I believe that's who they really were, but not under the influence of "traditional expectations and learned normalities".
When young, between 10 - 12 I found myself becoming a fan of male actors in movies I saw ( this was in the late 70s ) my favorite was the British actor Michael Caine, though I liked a few others at the time too, and I wanted to watch all his movies, my mom believe that I was attracted to him or at least thought he was cute or whatever. But, I found myself ALWAYS becoming more then a little interested in his female co-stars, and I would fantasied about stories of him with these women, same with the other male stars I liked. And I even had especially Caine in my dreams at night, BUT, I was playing him in my dreams, with some woman as his/my girlfriend. And for years I would always have dreams of being a man with a woman. And though I told no one about this at the time, I used to fantasize about becoming a man, so I could be with a woman, especially since I watched a movie Dressed To Kill with Caine in it, where he was a Transgendered woman or wanted to have the surgery to become a woman. So that movie made me think about that a lot, and because I only saw Lesbians in movies where they were it was more like porno, then romantic, I thought the only way I could be with a woman was if I was a man. Then in my 20's ( in the 90s ) I started seeing more shows with Lesbians in them, and slowly started realizing that I didn't have to be a man to be with a woman. But I spent a long time trying to be what I was told was normal, by my mom especially, ( didn't talk about that sort of thing with my dad ), and society itself, and so I did try and date men, but I found I couldn't stand them touching me and especially kissing me, I never even let it get to sex. With a few it was close to that, but all they wanted was a hand job or one a blow job, but though I tried that, I didn't like it. But eventually after going through bouts of depression as well as anxiety, and even thinking I might be bisexual, I realized I couldn't be BI, because I didn't like men that way, sexually or otherwise. I honestly had trouble even with the way men smell, their natural clean body odor, that musky smell straight women would say smelled so good to them, didn't to me, it made me feel kinda sick instead. So for me, I do think I was born Lesbian, I mean I even had a crush on a few female classmates and friend, before I was even 10, and I think it was because at a young age I didn't even think about the whole male/female thing, that as a woman I was supposed to be with a man/boy. Now I didn't say anything about it to my parents or my two older brothers, at the time, but that was because I didn't realize I did have a crush on this school friend of mine, I just thought I just really liked her, as a friend. But also growing up with two older brother, one of which I played games with in the backyard, games that boys play, like the cops and robbers type, I didn't even realize I was different really. My mom never made me just play with girl toys as a kid, and so I was a real tomboy. But it's true later she started to get mad at me for still being that way in my teens, so I refused to wear a dress, but she never made me wear one before, though there are photos of me in dresses when I was say 2 or 3, once I was in school she never did make me wear one or even bring up wearing one. I hope that all made sense, but what I am saying is, though I do believe society or upbringing definitely has a hand in which way you might go sexually, I think what you really are, is always there from the start. I think it's true of everyone, and I do think that probably most people who grow up at least thinking they are straight or behaving that way, probably wouldn't be if they weren't raised by society and their families to go that direction. Some would probably too, but I think if kids were allowed to discover these things about themselves on their own they may have chosen a different path. Again I hope this made sense, right now I am going through some personal things in my life and feel a bit out of sorts, so I might do a lot of babbling on here right now, just saying what comes to my mind at the moment. I'm worried about a lot of things right now and feeling really alone, even though I do live with my older brother and his wife, as well as my oldest brother, the married one and his wife aren't very supportive or someone I can talk to, can talk to the oldest a little more, but not that much more. They're all more conservative, the married one and his wife are MAGA actually, along with her son and his wife, who also live in their big house. So I can't talk to any of them about anything, and my brother's wife doesn't like me because of not believing what she does and being Lesbian too, though she would admit it. I know my married brother also doesn't like that I am either, but, my mom when I told her when I was about 30, ( I'm 56 going on 57 in June ) She at first wasn't so understanding, she said I just hadn't found the right guy yet, but then I moved out, was living somewhere else, and I talked to her more about it, after I had my first girlfriend and experience, which I must say I had no problem with her kissing me, unlike the men or her clean body odor either, lol! But anyway, my mom actually just excepted it, and though she was a Christian, not one who went to church, but she believed, she not once said I was going to hell or it was a sin, she didn't even think that way. But then she wasn't influenced by some preacher either, which I think is half the problem with homophobic Christians, they get brainwashed by a preacher into believing what he/she believes. Now when I told her I didn't believe in any religions, or hell, she did get upset, because she thought it would mean I wouldn't go to heaven, and she wouldn't see me after she died. But the whole reason I said that was because she was sick, and she was saying she was afraid she would go to hell, for not being a good mom, which kinda pissed me off, not at her, but that because of her beliefs she thought she would go to hell for a few mistake as a mother. And I didn't want her to believe that, I actually really just meant when I said I didn't believe in hell, that I didn't think there was a place that punishes the bad people, like most think, and so she didn't have to worry about that. This was after I told her she wasn't a bad mother in the first place, but since that didn't work, I was trying to make her feel better by saying hell wasn't real. Well I will stop now, sorry for truly babbling!
