sex and "I love you"s

me and my girl have an absolutely amazing relationship of nearly 6 months now
never fight, never upset each other, etc. etc.
every kiss is so passionate and intense that it's amazing
and though, right now I have mono, that has not stopped us from having intensely intimate moments (and who knew dry humping could be done romantically, right? =P)
but uh yeah
we are both virgins
we are both very sexual (thoguh she hides it well), but 'ethical' as far as sexual activity goes (don't like casual sex and such)

anyways,
I don't wanna say 'I love you' before having sex
there are multiple reasons behind it:
- I don't want the fact that 'I love her' to pressure her into having sex
- talk is cheap; I'd rather be told through action
- there is no awkwardness with the whole 'will they say it back?' deal, cause you already know
- in a way, it seems like it's just for kicks unless it is consummated
- just makes more sense that way to me
and probably the biggest reason of all:
- I feel sorta like declaring our love to each other adds too much pressure to the whole thing; like we've been slowly and steadily traveling onwards with our relationship, and that this would totally fuck it up...

whether I love her currently is a different issue
but I would like some thoguhts on this

 

How old are you?

Anyways I always tell my lady I love her, before, after and while we have sex.

 

I am 18.

 

Well if you really love her and she really loves you... Then telling her you love her before you have sex should not give her the impression your just telling her that to get pussy... She should know its genuine.

 

well no, I'm not worried about that
I'm more worried about her doing it jsut becaue 'I love her' or 'we are in love' or what not
I talk to lotsa girls online, and realized this is something they do very often
I want her to fuck me because she wants to, not because she feels she should

ohh and another point I forgot to mention (sad thing is, this is probably the biggest reason of all =P)
is I feel kinda like declaring love to each other adds too much pressure to the whole ordeal
kinda like adding in a suspenseful build up to an otherwise smooth ride

 

You have been together for 6months. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying I love you after that amount of time even if you haven't had sex. She is not going to think anything other than you love her. If you already feel the love declaring should add any pressure. It is just expressing how you feel already.

 

I couldnt agree here more... If thats the case, then you only need patiance... If the love is there, then putting sex on hold as you wait for her to make the move shouldnt really be a problem.

Or maybe she wants you to make the move first... Your both virgins....

 

well, I've been making the moves, don't worry abotu that =P

I slowly test my limits, and she's not afraid to let me know (or let her hand) :tongue:

 

Why dont you want to tell her that you love her?
If you feel it, hten say it!
And what has loving you to do with havign sex with you?
Does it compute automatically in your head?
You can tell her that you love her and still do as you have doen so far with her. But keeping your love for yourself is absurd if you love her. Just say it.
What is wrong with saying it? Are you scared you get brand once you said it?
I dont understand in what way it should put more pressure on the relationship, I think it will remove the pressure.
She will not feel pressed into making love with you, but more sure about it if you love her too..

 

I already explained in full the connection
it's a society impressed connection-but it's a connection nonetheless

I don't think you know America very well...

 

if ya feel it say it thats about it she'll be happy to hear it too & know it
& chances are shes not ready yet cause shes not sure if theres real love there since its never been declared
i always think its funny when people get so worked up over when is the exact right time & way to say i love you & especialy when they fear saying it too soon or too late they wait months & months whle the other waits months & months to hear it they always question well is he feeling anything am i wasting my time should i bother even saying it if he/she doesnt feel the same .. how can u enjoy loving eachother with that overwhelmiong questioning going on? i say thge very momment u feel it shout it out loud & clear dont worry if its the 1st momment u lay eyes on eachother if u feel it let it out..when u feel it is the time to say it
personaly i cant hold it back when i feel it it just bursts out over & over & just cant be stopped... loves a force that way .. youd be foolish to try to mould it control it or set it on a time schedule.. let it flow & grow, & give it voice

 

see the problem with that is
when you are communicating with words shit changes.
thass why I prefer communicating with touch, it takes away the confusion of the matter
I really feel no need to tell her I love her
people always ask if I've said it yet and what not

 

No, you are right, I think so far its some kind of zombie country populated by savage who go to church on sunday and kill their neighbourg on monday, and who talk of God like italian eat spagetti, and who talk of morality while stangulating you, and who are more scared to say i love you and of non virginity and of menstruation htan they care of the number of people killed everyday, and who got more taboo and prejudices than there si of sand corn in the sahara, and who dont even knows it.

They talk of virginity before mariage and anal sex in one sentence with the bible in the left hand cause the rigth one is buzy at that time.

In short i simply dont get it.
But i do understand why so many need weed to come over it and even go to stronger stoff to can live with it.

You love someone you say it, first day or second day or the moment it happen.
Getting married or not is doesnt matter, thats a practical arrangement not a consecration. The consecration is sharing love.
Thats for here.
But damn, you are still living in the far west with laptop and cell phones..

The mentality is so different. Thats scary.
You dont talk of love but sex. When one say talk about love, the other hear "talk about sex" when one say " i want love" the other hear " I want sex"..
Its like sex is so taboo in the US that its what they are al thinking about all the time and seeing and playing offended by.. and empoisoning their entire existence with..
When you talk about women or relationships its always cheating and deceite that coems first.
I never ever witnessed that in any european forum.
I dont even think about it.
I dtn even care. My man can do it with the entire state, i dont give a damn as long as he loves me.
What he put in his mouth, a pizza or caviar, and what he put on his dick, doenst concern me.
Thats how we relate that count.
Honnesty and love.
Trust and love.
And maybe i dont know america but i know human being and if you were to begin to talk to her as one and to tell her honestly how you feel without any back thoughts, you migth change the america you know into one who is more humanised, and make the first step into changing that mentality that all follow cause all believe all the others do foloow it, but none of them want to have..
So, tell her you love her.
Unless its "i love you pussy" that you want to say, and nothing more..

 

rigth soaring eagle! there is still hope for america!
Stay alive!

 

why? are you afraid of words now?

just say it, I swear it aint going to kill you on the spot nor to send you in some parallel universe, nor to call back the booogie man.

there is more chance she will leave you because you tard to say it than because you say it. In fact i can see her she is posting in another forum since 4 months asking what to do about you and if you love her and why you dont say it and get answers like " if he didnt told you hten thats because he isnt sure about you or dont love you, just drop him"...

Could be.. think about it.

 

and no

america is not all sex
that's very sad that you assume so
america is very sex crazed-yes
but there are lots've us out there that prefer love

america is EXTREMELY complicated
it's all politics and hypocrisy
it's full of conflicting view
but do not be fooled into thinking the MTV-Hollywood culture is all America is
I am an interne-indiefilm kid myself

 

grr

repeating myself is boring.



and no, I make it perfectly clear how I feel about her everytime I am around her
it may seem like I am bias, but we are definently the happiest couple I've ever seen
that's why I don't see any reason to bring that word into it

 

both are very necasary without 1 or the other theres always the questions, & believe me shes asking herself why hasnt he said this yet, i feel like he cares so why cant he say it..
you can touch all u want & the relationship might be gentle & loving but then its all about touch..touch being sexual, words are needed to convey emotions a touch says ohh your skins soft & gives me funny feelings in my pants but combine with words i love you the same touch says i do not want any seperation between us
letting some1 know theyre loved takes both words & actions 1 without the other is too easily misinterpreted as something else, need desire lust fear of being alone whatever & untoill the words & actions match eachother there will creep up that question now & then why am i here will this ever really go anywhere if he/she cant show/say what they feel
only 1 ..or the other..is enough, words must match actions & actions match words

its only hard to say the 1st time u say it but shouldnt be if u truly feel it

 

It's really cool that you show her how you feel every time that you see her. Ask her how she feels about saying I love you. The best thing to do just ask her, see what she thinks cause really the only people that this matters to is you and her. We can all give an opinion but in reality it is just you and her.

 

touch is not sexual...
touch is LOTS of things

touch is warm, touch is comforting, touch is caring, touch is tender, touch is intimate
touch is playful, touch is happy, touch is friendly, touch is romantic...
saying touch = sex
is like saying taste = salty


but words must match actions = exactly my point
and as far as an intimate relationship goes
what action matches love more than sex?
love (relationship-y love, don't try to be a smart ass and bring other types into this) to me = the desire to consumate souls
sex to me = the desire to consumate bodies
one or the other just doens't have the same balance