serious body image problems

(i posted this in the health forum too but its kinda a womens issue)

ive been having this since i was really young, like 12 or around there when i started dieting. when i was 16/17 i would go through spouts of starving myself and then binging, along with trying to be bulimic and all sorts of ups and downs with eating. i went on pro anaerixa websites and would try to follow their advice. at this point i think i starting harming myself with what i was thinking, really beating myself up because of how i looked and my body. i had this journal, where i had cut outs of female bodies from magazines that i wanted and was just being really deranged about my body.

now im not abusive with food, i went through a period where i ate very healthy, went to the gym and felt amazing, but that didnt last long and ive never been able to go back. its not eating that i really have a problem with currently, but im really worried about my mental thoughts about myself. i cant stand looking in the mirror and sometimes i just want to cringe looking at myself. i beleive that its my looks that keep me back in life and it scares me to death that im thinking these things because i know i am over exaggertaing certain things and it leads me into depressions.
i dont really know what to do.....im sure a lot of women on here have had similar issues with body image, so how did you deal with it??

 

I hear you on all of this... women have a ton of pressures on them from media, their peers, their families (etc) to look a certain way, and it gets tough. I too battled with anorexia when I was young (about 13, 14) and now that I've managed to attain a healthier weight, I have trouble feeling good about how I look. One thing I remember being told is that when you find yourself sending your brain negative messages, for example "I hate my stomach," think about something you like about yourself, either about your body or your personality, like "I have beautiful eyes" or "I'm a good parent." You get the idea. I look forward to the day when women don't have to feel bad about themselves just because their stomach's aren't as tight as supermodel's, or they can't wear size zero pants.

 

From firsthand experience, I know that it sucks. From age 13 to 17, I was bulimic; it isn't until now that I realize that I've spent too many years being unhappy/pissed off/angry, etc. because of body image problems. However, I did not realize that I completely overlooked the underlying cause of it all. In my case, I had a lot of problems with my parents (my father, especially) and I felt like I couldn't control anything else in my life because they were so incredibly strict and conservative. I was lucky to get help from my therapist & now I'm fortunate that I can finally close this dark chapter in my life. Keep in mind that there are a lot of other underlying causes to psychological problems depending on what the case is & who the person is. Good luck with it & remember that you're not alone. PM me sometime.

 

I've been at least mildly overweight my whole life. Never to the point of being a health risk, but enough that I've never felt really satisfied with my body. I'm a lot better now (especially since I just hit bar age and had a couple random guys hit on me, woo for validation from random sources) but at my worst periods with body image, it was pretty bad. One solution that really helped was to stand infront of the mirror when I woke up and before bed, and say "I'm worth it" at least once, upwards of 5 times in a row. you can't just say though, you have to say it with meaning, make yourself believe it. For me, it was that I was worth worrying over things more important than life than ten or thirty extra pounds, such as school or friends or things that make me feel good.

Also, doing a healthy thing once or twice a week is good too. Not necessarily going to the gym for hours, but walking somewhere... even if it's walking four blocks to the grocery store for a light load instead of driving there. Offer to walk your neighbours dog once a week (unless you hate dogs), either for free or for just a couple bucks. Maybe try volunteering somewhere with a little physical work.. not a huge amount, but not just paperwork type stuff. Volunteering can be really good - you're helping other people, which makes you feel fabulous!

 

I've never felt comfortable in my body. I've been chubby all my life. But since I graduated from highschool, I've slimmed down quite a bit and am finally starting to feel positive about my body.
But I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I've got a long history of depression. For awhile, I was so upset with myself and my life...that I started to make myself vomit. I KNEW what I was doing was wrong for me. Wrong for my body, wrong for my being. But I did it regardless. It was a way of proving to myself that I still had power over something. I wasn't helpless.

I don't do it anymore. I can't allow myself to do something when I know it is wrong.

 

Stop looking in the mirror.

Stop getting on the scale.

Stop judging yourself, *obviously* you are incapable of seeing the true you. If you want to know what you look like, then ask someone who's judgement you trust.

Learn what a REASONABLE size is for your body type. If reasonable is a size 10 pair of jeans, then wear them and know that you look good, no matter what the mirror says.

 

I think the big thing is to figure out what the underlying issue is -- why do you feel inadequate, why do you think you should fit this image of perfection? In my case, it was because of perfectionist tendencies that I developed in trying to get attention from a single parent (dad's always exhausted from work, we either tried to be perfect or got in trouble to make him pay some attention to what we were doing). In other cases, as someone mentioned, it may be related to too strict of a parent and/or feeling like you have no control over some situation. Whatever it is, if you can figure out what is causing you to feel this way, you can get past this.

Your looks are not holding you back, unless you are surrounding yourself with assholes. Yes, there are people out there who will judge you purely superficially & often unkindly. But, as cheesy as it is to say, your personality weighs far more heavily. Those women with the perfect body but who are ditzes or who are bitches or who constantly go on about how they have half an ounce of extra body fat so they must go back on their diet... They're nowhere near as pretty as, well, as any one of us here. And, at least among the people I choose to associate with, some of the ones who get the most attention, seem the most attractive, are nowhere near that "ideal" standard of the perfect female body, but they are fun, outgoing, happy, goofy women who seem comfortable in their own bodies, fat rolls & all.

 

That was all really good advice. Alex, I wish you the best... you don't have to feel like that. It's sad that society has women conditioned to think they have to have perfect bodies in order to be anything. It's such a load of shit... I don't even wanna get started on that...

I've experiened something similiar to you... only more mild. I've made myself throw up quite a few times... the problem with that is, once you start doing that- it becomes difficult PHYSICALLY to stop because you devolp a huge gag complex. It sucks.

Anyways, Alex, you deserve to treat yourself as the most important person in the world.... and you don't deserve to have to feel as you do.

 

I can understand having body image issues. I've been overweight my whole life- I'm 5 ft 2 and I weigh almost 180 lbs. That is overweight by any stretch of the imagination. But I don't usually feel too bad about myself because every time I go to the docter he says that I'm very healthy and staying active is more important than being thin. As long as I'm doing something, I shouldn't have a problem. I also do not consider myself unattractive because of this- this is the way I am. I'm a heavy person.

However, there are two circumstances where I will feel bad about it: A- When my mom comments on what I'm eating. B- When I'm shopping for clothes.

My mom loves to make comments on what I eat, despite the fact that my diet is much healthier than hers is. Yeah, I love junk food, but I do my best to avoid it except for once in awhile when I get some Skittles or something. Trust me, I don't do that often as I think about doing it. Lol. Seriously, her comments are pretty much the opposite of help. My docter tells me I'm healthy, but my mother thinks I should be dieting. The truth is that I've tried to lose weight, and it doesn't work. And I don't want to lose weight anymore because I've decided that as long as I'm healthy, I don't see a problem with being plus size.

Speaking of plus size- try shopping for clothes and being somewhere between a size 16 and a size 18. It's oodles of fun. 16 is too tight, 18 is too lose. The only way I can get comfortable clothes is to either wear skirts (and I do a lot. That's one thing I love about broomstick skirts- they have elastic and drawstrings) or get a size 18 and a belt. Hard to find a woman's belt that both fits me and isn't made of leather, so I get men's belts. Actually, I get a lot of mens shirts and pants because woman's clothes are really weird in their sizing. Please note- nothing that says "One Size Fits All" really fits all. Yeah, one size fits all the woman on Friends. That's about it.

Usually what I do when I'm upset about it is just remind myself that I am healthy, and thus it doesn't matter that I don't fit someone else's ideas of what I should look like. It's as simple as that.

 

thank you to everyone that gave such thoughtful replies
.....i can relate to a bit of everything that youve all experienced.

dawnsky- i definitly have some underlying issues that are fueling all of this in me....and i know that if i deal with them properly maybe i can get on the right track with how i look at myself. its overwhelming though, i actually have an appoitment with my doctor tomorrow to talk about this, maybe get me a counselor or someone who sepecfically deals with body image issues and working through it.

if got so much progress to make with this, and want to take the better path as soon as i can becasue this is so unhealthy for me, its really tearing me apart.
thanks again

 

jesi, thats great that you have such a positive outlook on it all...its so easy to get dragged into hating your body, especially when its not stick thin.

im not even healthy with what i eat and my lifestyle so i cant reassure myself through that.

 

feministhippy.. I know how you feel! Well, maybe I'm not so healthy, but I do have some serious issues in finding clothes, especially a professional wardrobe for my shitty little part-time job. Button shirts, well.. larges and extralarges always gape at the breast area for me, yet the buttons are straining near my stomach! Just because I got some nice plush areas doesn't mean my breasts are huge too! And yeah, nothing seems to be designed right for larger women in fashion, unless you go to a specialty plus-sized store, which seems to be made for women 40 and over (not that there's anything wrong with women taht age, but try being 19 and shopping there!)

Bah, society has such a weird concept of what the "perfect" woman looks like. Take time to just be happy with yourself as who you are. If you have enough time to go shopping, eventually you can find well-fitting stuff. Somehow, second hand shop clothing tends to fit me a lot better than brand new stuff.

 

th every cool thing about your situation is that you didn't wake up 10-20 years from now and be like...ow crap I have had eating dissorders and hated my image for so long now...and now I want to get it together...you can start right now.
Here's the deal. Your evermost beautiful more then ever right now in your life. You'll never EVER be more "beautiful" then you are in the moment you are in. All you have is the moment you ar ein. You don't have yesterday...you don't have tomorrow you have now. All of that stuff about someday I'll be thin or someday I'll be ths or that...how about taking waht you have and turing it into the now and saying hmm right now what DO I like about myself and enhancing it all. Were all not airbrushed. I mean look around you. Are the "pretiest people" really that happy? What are they trying to hide behind themselves...everyone has an ugly side. Heres the other thing...The older you get the harder it is to loose pounds and keep up a body image you desire. If you want something you have to start today right now on it. Your gonna gain lbs, your gonna loose lbs, your gonna sag someday, your gonna wrinkle, Your never gonna look the same. Cherish your young skin. Your beautiful..Cherish your movement as a young human...somday you may not be so moble. I mean there are things you don't realize about yourself till they are gone. Don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself to be anything but what you are and unfold as you go. I learned this from being pregnant. I was very small I was about 115 when I got pregannt. I had never been over 117 ever before and I got pregnant and I was 176 full term. Talk about major body change...I thought I would stay like that forever. No nothings forever. Not what I looked like at 15...not 18...not pregnant...not even 4 months later..I look totaly different from any of those times. Ill never look 15 or 18 again...I am 125 lbs now I thought for a while I wanted to be 115 again but then I though about it and It does not look healthy for a grown woman of 22 to be that thin. I don't want to look thin..I want to look healthy. The only way to look healthy is to be and feel it..then you show it by how you are. Don't loose years of your life to mental anguish over your looks. You are not your body. Your just borrowing your body for this life. Take care of it. The better you take care of you...your brain will readjust to your new mental paterns and you may start to like you again. A renewed you.

 

heres my advice....... i was anorexic/bulemic from when i was 13 to 14 then i went vegetarian for 3 years but than at 17 i got to thinking why am i so obsessed with how i look? It was the media that got me all worked up on having to be this perfect female body image thing and well i just stopped caring boom fuck you fuck the media this is how i look if you dont like it go to hell. I had always had that attitude with my image ( clothes and attitude and all) so why not have that attitude with my body. and now im 19 im 6months pregnant and I am beautiful.

in a nutshell wht i am trying to say is stay positive about your body talk to yourself in the mirror. oh look at my cute waist its sooo cute and look my butt its so perfect the way it is. my legs are so me they fit my body just right im glad i have these legs and not anyone elses. and if all else fails hun go see a psychiatrist maybe they can help ( they helped me for7 years )
hope this was helpful in some way
*HUGS*
*KISSES*
Fallen Fairy

 

I agree. The other night I looked myself in the mirror and studdied all my features that were good about me. It was nice. I have never really ahd the guts to face me I guess.

 

I give your body

 

i have these issues too at times

i like apple used to be very small i was 105 at 18... then i had two kids and went up to 196 pounds with both... it was horrible... i finally went down but i still struggle im no where near 105 and i never will be again. its tough being a women we see these "perfect bodies" and want to be just like them, but something im trying to realize is we are all perfect in our own way.


i feel you. i still struggle alot on this issue.

 

quote "Don't loose years of your life to mental anguish over your looks. "

this is such a good point...its so true and makes me want to get help because i cant go on hating myself like this

and thanks jugg, crystal and fallenfairy
i really appreciate all this advice, im trying to let it all sink in and do something about this.

 

its horrible how the media portrays women in the manner of skinny, lots of make-up and basically sluts...i've recently read where 9 year olds think their fat and become bilimic or aneorexic...i've seen them walking around the mall in make-up, purses at hand, and high heeled shoes...this makes me sad...when i was 9 i did carry a purse...but it had my baby doll stuff in it....i liked to pretend i was a mommy

 

I agree. If you go to the store around summer you can find without trouble bakinis for babies and toddlers...like the ones that tie etc...lil sexy ones..etf? Mine had smurfs and minie mouse. My sister in laws doughter was 6 and she said one time..This dress makes me look fat..seriously wtf?! She's a twig anyways. I don't think I really thought about my weight till I was about 14.