Yes, i started a horrible new year this time-. Everything sucks more than last year because of my damn stupid behavior. I almost lost my boyfriend last night. Yeah, i started another fight (as usual) and he was so upset he came to my house and practically sent me straight to hell to lick satan's balls. He's tired of my stupidness and specially tired of the fact that every single day I have to remind him he's with a crazy mother f.ucker lunatic whale. Ok i think that was kinda hard on myself. Of course he didn't say that. He just stayed in the car, he didn't even entered my house. When i saw that attitude i knew something was really bad this time. Yes it was, by the moment he started talking i was impressed. For the first time in all the time i've known him (about 1 year and 3-4 months) he has never spoken to me that way. He was being rude and 'straight to the poing' kinda honest. Let's try to make a resume on what he said: "This has to stop right now. I want to ask you to open your eyes now that we're still on time because i'm also human and i can't stand this situation forever. I have a limit and i'm about to reach it. I dont want to keep fighting with you about stupid and childish things all the time. We're grown ups and this is damn relationship of two people that should be working together to make something out of it. If you dont stop this behavior i wont b able to stay with you any longer. I dont want us to break up, but if i dont have any other choice that will be it. So please, consider having some vision, passion and purpose for this relationship. Another thing, everything that u want to do, u can do it.. u just need to set ur mind to it so quit sayin u cant u cant u cant because YES U CAN and i'm supposed to be here to help you accomplish things but if u dont let me there's nothing i can do." That was about it. By the time he finished talking i was really really impressed. I mean, he's always been very nice to me and all but jeez, i knew this was going to happen someday! he's human for Christ's Sake! I've been making his live a living hell all this time, i dont even understand why or when this started? I had my 3rd therapist appointment yesterday. After she heard the way i feel about my bf (which i made perfectly clear im obsessed with) she putted a weird face on me and said that i need Psychiatric help, probably some medication to help me deal with my problems. I think i felt bad and good at the same time. Needing medication is definately something bad, why would i need drugs to accomplish something! but is good cause then there's still hope for me. Oh God... this is so complicated. I love my boyfriend very much. He's the best thing that ever happened to me, how can i destroy that? He loves me! he's been with me through all this! its been at least 5-6 months since i started having this attitude sh1t towards him and he's always been there with a smile and a hug to make me feel better. Now that's over. If i fail one more time i'll be doomed. This is like a contest for me, a mental contest. I'm sick of being such an ass-hole. Why can't i just be normal? why can't i just be happy and cheerful! why can't i just behave propertly so i can keep something i really need and want in my life. I've survived all this time because i have him. He's my backup, he's the ground i stand on. If he leaves me I swear to God... its over for me. I dont even know what would I do.... I dont think i would be strong enough to kill myself, i would be so devastated that i wouldn't be able to keep on breathing. This is my problem. Nothing happened yet, and i'm here crying about my bf leaving me, and he's still by my side. I'm sick of living everyday like im hopeless and a victim, i have to stop this before i end up all alone. (im not far from it)
Hes 15, he doesn't understand emotions that stong yet. But yah, thats a lot of pressure for you. How exactly have you been a bitch to him? and if you have been a bitch to him for so long, how could you just stop all of a sudden? I need specific examples of your behavior and his reactions. From what you say, he seems pretty tolerant. So just apologize to him and be sincere in your effort to change and I am sure he will help you in that effort.
Me to myself " dear god, i wish i could just help these people" but i am too tired to write out a page of description that can explain exactly why you are acting like this "shit disturber" and driving your bf nuts. There is nothing wrong with you. It is your birthday energy. You were born to behave this way. pm. me friday i will give you my phone number and do a free reading for you sister. I can truely help set you straight and help you a whole hell of a lot. lovin' you otter. ps. i think this is gonna have to be the solution, just peeps call me, cause i can't type this much anymore. ps. i don't mean to sound like an egotistical know it all, but goddamn it, *gary goldschneider* just described you perfectly and you should know about it. carlfloyd , keep up the good posts man.
man that really sucks...i cant give you any advice because i really have never been in that situation but i hope everything works out for you!
Ok, here I go. Everything ends up in the stupid low self esteem problem i have. I'm fat so im always feeling non-secure about myself and i dont have any friends because i push everyone away from me. My boyfriend is like totally different.- He has like 1 million friends everywhere he goes he knows somebody, he's always being invited to parties and hang outs and all this sh1t i never wanna go. This is the main problem. I always start fights about the fact that "he doesnt want to be with me" but is not that, is just that he wants to spend time with his friends and i never wanna go with him! why not? ok.. cause he's friends are all like "shit.. i look fat today (she's 100 pounds)" see? i feel like i won't fit and now im seing a damn shrink cause i need to get over this stupid thing and start going out and making friends, im always by my self im always all alone, if im not with him im at home feeling sorry for myself, crying and wondering where he is ..... I'm always, ALWAYS upset about stupid things, i cry I act rude towards him and stuff like this, to tell u the truth he's been totally suportive with me in this aspect but now he reached his limit with me, and that happened 2 days ago and he's being a total asshole to me since then. He talks to me like like: "hey"..."yeah"... "no"... "i guess"... IM GOING OUT OF MY MIND HERE. If he leaves me i dont know what the hell i would do. Dont wanna think about it cause it sounds dangerous to me. Im willing to change i swear, im going to go to parties with him and smile and try to act happy to everybody and im gonna leave him alone so he doesn't feel like im making his life a missery every day because im sure that's what he thinks and he's still with me because he loves me and he told me several times that he wants us to get married someday and that he pictures me as the mother of he's kiids and there¿s nothing i wouuld like more to be that omg im so frikin screwed here i wish i was dead. this is killing me.
yes it sucks and it sucks big time..... thanks for ur wishes.... i hope everything works out for me too.
gosh thats quite the post. The fact that he gives one word replies tells me he may need some alone time. But than again you told me that you would like to try to intergrate yourself into his group of friends. It seems to me you don't have anything to really go on as far as judging these people. They may very well be very good people. Remember that everyone is self concious about something. I use to have acne. Suprisingly it went away after I learned to be okay with myself and have fun. I really can't give you advice on how to be okay with yourself, I apologize, it is different for everyone and a long process. You don't have to like all his friends, but I am sure you will find your niche within his group of friends (that should be your goal). Most guys date girls similar to their friends I would think, I know I do. Sometimes you just need one friend to bring out that confidence too...that fire within. I know thats what some of my friends did for me senior year. In fact I had negative thoughts about them prior to meeting them. but they turned out to be solid people who did not judge. (though I am usually very good at reading people...I can look at photos of friends of my friends and run off what i believe their personality is like and be spot on). But the point is, you will be wrong about how you percieve others some of the time. Be very flexible with your boy. Be sincere. Ask him if he needs alone time. Ask him if he wouldn't mind bringing you out. be honest. Tell him you are a little nervous about meeting his friends. Does he know how nervous you are? I am willing to bet he will go out of his way to help you socially. Even ask him to bring you to a small gathering (No sense in raging it). Not even I like huge parties, but am social within my close circle of friends. the thing is, lots of kids don't like the larger sceane, hopefully he understands that. But make an effort. May I ask: Is there anything that makes you happy? Do whatever makes you happy prior to meeting up with him. Sometimes for me, its just putting on a spacey cd and zoning out. I awake later very chill and content. Another thing, you shouldn't HAVE to "try" to be happy, it should be natural. If you try to hard people will notice. be sincere in your emotions. Its good to see a pyschologist. Sometimes I go to see one (for free at college) just to see one. they can usually pin point something to make me think. So don't beat yourself up for having to see one, more people than you may realize see them. I do hope that helped. Feel free to ask more questions.
thanks a lot. I told him that we should take some time appart and he agreed that's the best thing to do in our situation. Im at home right now, friday night, i have no idea where he's at and im about to kill myself but well.. i think i can get use to this. I took some pills to help me sleep... i dont know what im doing up ..... oh god.. please help me through this i feel like im going to die. Thanks for ur advice, whenever this "time appart" ends i hope things get better in my head and i also hope i can someday be part of his social life. thanks.
Hi, Honestly, I don't know what to say...I'll ask; what are your interests? Do you have anything your passionate about? Anything you both like dong? Perhaps you could join a group or club into the same? As for the socialising thing; perhaps you could meet a couple of his friends over a cofee in town or something, another couple would be good, and see how that goes before going to parties, etc. And they are right; don't "try" to be happy, because it doesn't work. Just be yourself, and if people don't like that, they're not worth hanging with. *hugs*. Good luck. Hope that helps.
I don't want to seem mean or insensitive or anything. I can relate to what you are going through. However, you can't depend on someone else for your happiness. It's not fair to you and it's certainly not fair to your boyfriend. You have to be happy with you. Period. No one else can make you truly happy. The reason you start fights with your boyfriend is b/c you are unhappy with yourself. Maybe when you feel like being "bitchy" to him, you should think about why you feel that way. Example: Yesterday I got really mad at my boyfriend b/c he didn't help me with the carrying the groceries in when I asked for his help. He said he didn't hear me, which I became more upset. I thought about why I was so angry over something so little. I realized I was upset b/c earlier, he had talked about transfering to another school and moving away. I was very hurt b/c I plan on marrying him someday soon. I felt as though he was ignoring me and didn't care about our relationship. I get upset about one thing and don't express or even face it and it festers and becomes worse and worse. Then it is blown out of proportion and affects everything else. My point is that when you feel bad about yourself, everything that your boyfriend will say or do can be taken out of context and you can project your negative feelings onto it. Such as, he says he wants to hang out with friends and you hear that he wants to get away from you. Then you get upset and start a fight. He doesn't understand this and resents you. Does this seem familar? Hopefully you can face your negative emotions and deal with them. NO ONE else can. Maybe if you are comfortable enough, you could talk to your boyfriend about them. Explain why you act the way that you do. Then he might be able to understand and realize that not everything is his fault. When I have mood swings and get depressed, sometimes I'll start to cry and it drives my boyfriend nuts b/c he thinks it is his fault I am crying and he wants to make everything all better. I let him know that it is not his fault and he feels a lot better. Just explain things to him so he can understand you. If he really loves you, he will care. I hope you can find some use for this. If this is way off base, then ignore everything. Good luck with your relationship and yourself. Peace & Love dharma mama
i have good news for those who care. My boyfriend and I are back together. I'm willing to change and he said he wants to be with me so we're going to make it work one way or another. That's love..... and we love each other so we're trying again.
I'm very happy that you're back together, try to remember all the positive feedback you got from your Sex shame thread because you got a hell of a lot. You've got to get past this cause otherwise you will lose the love of your life. I hope everything works out for you cause you are a beautiful person inside as well as outside and it's obvious that your guy loves you like crazy, but there's only so much a guy can take. you deserve to be happy, good luck. xxxxxxxxxx. P.S Satans balls? haha your crazy! lol.
Amy, I am also very glad that everything is working out. Just remember to love yourself as much as you love your boyfriend. When you love yourself, everything else will fall into place. You will get through this difficult time in your lives together. You seem to be a great person with a warm and loving heart. Good luck with your relationship with your boyfriend and yourself. Peace & Love dharma mama
LOL Now that I read all this it sounds funny and a little bit 'cu-cu' also lol you guys think i'm a nutcase totally!! hahaha... satan's balls... i am crazy. I want to thank you all for being so nice to me and so supportive, i have to admit i didn't find near the help u gave me in any other forum... u're great, u're the best. I'm here for you anytime u need me KISSES AND HUGS FOR ALL OF U. PS: Everthing between my bf and me is working PERFECTLY.... we're happy.
