reuniting with best friend?

ok, so this girl Laura was my best friend for years and years, and then she got into heroin really bad, and then I started doing it, but not as bad as she was, and it caused a lot of problems between me and my boyfriend, but eventually I stopped doing it and broke off all contact with her. fast foward to a few months ago, she calls me out of the blue and tells me she's pregnant and clean. I was all weirded out because I didnt expect to hear from her so it was a short conversation. Well I didnt call her for a few months and when I did, her mom told me she was still pregnant and in rehab on methadone because she was doing heroin so bad that if she just stopped doing it, then the baby would die. She also told me that the baby was due in March, so I called her again in March and her dad told me that she had the baby. I still didn't hear from her, but I saw her brother a week ago and he said that she was doing really good, and that I should call her. My other friend also saw her and talked to her and said she looked really good, so today I called her and talked to her, and she sounded good, but not great. she said she was clean and on methadone and she didnt really have any friends and when her old friends call, she doesnt answer the phone, which is a good sign that she doesnt want to be doing it anymore.. And her baby is in the hospital because he is being weaned off of morphine, which sounds really bad, but the fact that she stopped doing heroin for him is good, better than if she just kept on doing it.. anyways. when i talked to her she said she wanted us to go out sometime, and she said something about going out on saturday, and i said ok.
Now, my boyfriend absolutely hates her because of everything that had happened, with the drugs and everything, and I told hom that I was planning on calling her, and he never objected, if he would have I never would have called her. but now I am nervous because I dont think he will want me to go out with her. and I wouldnt if he didnt want me to, but I really really want to. She and I were so close before I met him, she was the best friend anyone could ask for, and he doesn't see that, he only sees the bad. I thought about going out and not telling him, but I would never want to start off rekindling my friendship with her by deceiving him because if he found out, he would probably break up with me, and I definitely don't want that to happen, so I need to decide if I should just not go out with her, or talk to my boyfriend about it. I feel like I am kind of being selfish but she doesn't have anyone, and I would love to be her friend again (only if she stayed clean) and get to know her baby. It kills me that she has a baby and I dont even know what he looks like. I dont think my boyfriend will understand, and I dont know, I am going to ask him what he thinks and if he says he would prefer me not to, I just won't go, I guess...

wow this is way longer than I expected it to be, but if anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it. I talked to a friend of mine and she says she doesn't think it's a good idea, but she has been my best friend since Laura and I stopped being friends, and I think she may be scared that she will be replaced. I guess I just wish it was like it used to be.. I know that can never be, especially with my boyfriend not liking her, but maybe if she can get clean he can learn to like her, too.... Maybe I am just dreaming...

 

Be your own woman and do what you think is best....BF's are a dime a dozen, but true friendship's are for all time....

 

Totally agree.
your friend will need some one like you, to help her through this difficult time, in her life.

 

Don't be so hursh on her for trying to keep her relationship safe. That girl was her friend, but she also betayed the frienship and gave out to heroin, now she comes back, totaly screwd up and you can't expect masterofpuppest to forgett about all the things that are important in her life and just "be a good friend" and risk everything.

Girl be carefull, don't get too close too soon, you never know if she is true to you.

 

Friends are friends and if it's true friendship, you should be there for each other...In other words, let bygones be gone and move forward as her friend, but only, if that's what you want to do....She's reaching out for you and in my humble opinion, you should except her invitation....That's What Freinds Are For....

 

And how did she betray her friendship by taking heroin, she like most proberbly,took heroin because of some sort of depression, or p-presure from friends who were taking it.
Heroin took her, it took her life away, turned her into some one else,
She obviously wants and needs to be around paople who will help her through this, and get her back to the person she use to be, before the addiction took hold.

 

No, heroin didn't took her, she took heroin and then it took her. When she took it she knewed that she is risquing all her life, all her friands, all ahe ever built in her life, she can't be that stypid and don't know what heroin does to peoples lifes! She was aware of the risque, but she did it anyway, that's how she batray the friendship.

 

I agree with all of you. She is going to need someone to help her through this, but at the same time, she put herself in this position, so I don't have too much pity on her, and I can't put my full trust in her. I think I will sit down with her and basically tell her that I want to be there for her, and I can help her through this, but she has to want it, and I don't want her to take advantage of me like she has done in the past. I think we should just take things slowly and build up and brand new relationship. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he is actually being supportive of me, but I think it's because I am being smart about it and not jumping right back in. I know it wlil probably never be like it was between her and I, but at least we have a chance to start over, with boundaries.

 

Well put, good idea....

 

You,ve got a lot to learn about life and about the word friendship.

 

Oh really!?
As we say in Macedonian: enlight me!

 

look in my experiences i have found that the older you get the less great friends you end up with. you say you don't want to be her friend if she is still using but isn't it good friensds we look upon for help during the struggles? friendships in a way are like marriages you take the good with the bad. i had an addiction to pain pills and if my friend abandoned me i would have never made it through. i have been sober for 1 year and if not for my friends and family i would have died. if your bf cannot understand this maybe you should reconsider THAT relationship. out yourself in her shoes what if you had some serious life issues and your old friend came along and basically blew you off how would you feel? just something to think about, good luck to you and your friend

 

if you have never had an addiction be careful of what you say, obviously people make bad choices and when it comes to something like heroin you can't kick the habit alone. that is what friends are for!!heroin is one of the most addicting drugs known to man and so addicting that even one time can get you hooked. when under the influence you make bad choices but rely on friends and family to see us through the battles. what does a friend mean in your dictionary???

 

mlee27 this las post was refering to me?

 

I understand what you're saying, but I can't be friends with someone while they are addicted to something like heroin, unless I honestly believe that they want to get better. I stopped being friends with her because she was constantly borrowing money and not paying it back, her boyfriend blatantly tried to steal something out of my trunk after I helped him out and gave him a ride somewhere, she would lie all the time, and she was just plain pathetic (for lack of a better word) and I could not watch someone I loved so much destroying herself like that. I actually did end up going out with her last weekend and it was really cool, she is clean and it's like she is her old self again, which makes me really happy. But it's still hard to get the images of what she was out of my head. It's like she acts like it never happened, and I know it was the drugs, but like Marija said, she knew what could have happened the first time she ever did it and she still made that choice, so it's not like she had no control over what happened to her.
anyway, she is clean and wants to stay that way and i will be there supporting her 100%. I can't say that I'm sure she won't relapse, I'm kind of expecting it actually. i have gotten my hopes up about her before and she has only let me down, but now hopefully since she had a baby it will be different.
Oh and as for my boyfriend, I would pick him over her anyday because when all she wanted me to do was get addicted like her, all he wanted to do was get me better, and if it wouldn't have been for him, I might have been just where she was, so I pretty much owe him my life for that.. So breaking up with him is absolutely not an option. He is actually being pretty cool about everything, but if he said he wanted me to stop talking to her, I would. He has earned that right in my mind.

 

I'm not getting defensive or trying to argue with you, I totally get what you're saying, but if someone doesn't want to be helped, you can only help them so much. I used to do so much for her, and little by little she just broke down my trust. I used to drive her places because she wanted to fill out job applications, and then I find out she is actually meeting people at these places to get heroin... I could go on and on, but no one should feel obligated to be friends with someone when they are treating you like that, be it drugs or anything else. I shouldn't be expected to dish out respect if i am only getting burned in return. She has always known I would be here when she wanted to get clean, and now she says she does, so I am here for her.
And I have had an addiction, it wasn't as bad as hers, but when I did fucked up shit, I knew it was wrong. and I did it anyway because I only wanted what I wanted, and didnt care who I hurt, and that made me a bad person, not the drugs.
I forgive her (even though she never apologized) but it doesn't mean I will forget. And I wouldnt expect anything less from my friends if it were me.

 

WELL, apparenatly you had the love and support from friends and family during your little addiction, but what if your bf had an addiction?? how quickly would you drop him?? i was taguht that you don't give to receive.and honestly it's not that anyones addiction is worse or lesser, addiction is chemical meaning that you lack discretion, when under the influence. it actually destroys brain cells among other problems . and you say that the person that does drugs is bad not the drug itself, show me someone who is chemically addicted to a human? it's the drug that is BAD, not the human that has the addiction and the inability when addicted to make right and sound choices it is the chemical that is in their system. i applaud you for being there now for your FRIEND but had you or her other so called friends been there completely during her addiction maybe her baby wouldn't be in the hospital now fighting her addiction. if my friend was addicted and i was clean i would go hell and highwater, deplete my bank account and get rid of non supporting boyfriends to help her , but hey thats' just me

 

WOW!!!!DDR!!!!

 

Well said
Now thats what i would call a true freind.

 

i don't agree with mlee27 and dusk, and i can totaly understand the actions of masterofpuppest,
here is a question for mlee27 and dusk: do you really think that that girl (i meen the one with the baby) is a true friend? What is a true friend in your opinon? She lied, constantly borrowed money, and she never, never, never did something that would keep the frindship togather. Is that a friend? Is a friend somebody who is trying to get his friend addicted? The heroin girl made her choise when she tried heroin, she made the choise to ruin her life and use everyone who loved her. Why should masterofpuppest risq everythig she built in her life, for some so-caled friend? She could try to help her, and that's ok, but she musn't let thet girl mess up her life and bring her to a place where she doesn't want to be.

We all make are own choises and we take responsibility for it, we can not alwaus expect someone to be there and pay our dues and we don't have that right to ask that from him.