relationship decision

so recently my boy and i have been trying to come up with a compromise that would be good for both of us.... he and i still want to be together and are very much in love, but we're young..and i sometimes feel attration toward others and want to act on it..

so lastnight he says he wants to talk about it some more, and he tells me that he loves me so much, and that he understands im a very sexual person...so he's proposing that we can kiss/makeout with other people, as long as we're not looking around for it (usually those things just happen in the moment). this way i get my little kicks, or "thrill", ya know..but i can still come home to him and get great sexual lovin'. and he says that if i seriously feel the need to sleep with another guy, that can be considered too, as long as i come talk to him first and we agree its ok.. and that i wont fall in love w/that other person

he obviously has the same 'privledges', but hes very unlikely to act on 'em.
so i think this is really really amazing of him, to understand me like this..
we agreed our relationship can't be put into a box, and that it should have boundaries, but these boundaries should be flexible.

just knowing that he can understand and trust me makes me sooo happy and relieved... i never wanted to sneak around/hurt him/etc so i just wanted to share how great this is...

anyone else have any type of experience with this stuff? its all new and confusing to us.. any advice?

 

It could work out great. I think this is something that lots of people go through.
If jealousy doesn't come into play it could be fun

 

I don't see how a person can truly be in love with another person but want to be with other people. But maybe that's just me. It's kind of sad that sex is more important than love these days. Sex is overrated and always has been. Love is something that is lacking in the world more than ever. It seems like everyone is out only for themselves and to satisfy their own wants.

But again, that's just my opinion. I am not saying anyone should agree with me.

 

yeah hes not a jealous person. i kinda can be, but ive gotten waaaaaay better, and i think it'll be ok because i know we truly love each other. plus i dont think he would act on it much, if at all.

 

no, i totally see what you're saying. i think most people feel that way. i think im just...different... its not even that im looking for sex outside of the relationship. just not rigid boundaries. an outlet. not having to turn down a kiss or shared moment because of a label. i think there are different levels of love..like sometimes you kiss your friends, because you love them.

 

I'm with Rat on this one...

Pink, what if he DOES act on it? I mean, how will you feel if he goes and makes out with another girl? You say, he won't, but you don't know that for sure. You've admitted to being a jealous person.

I can see this situation getting ugly really fast.

I'm an extremely sexual person and I'm deeply in love with my boyfriend and I couldn't even imagine being with anyone else...kinda makes me ill in a lot of ways (the exception is Johnny Depp)...

You've expressed unhappiness in the relationship before....so I'm going to bet this is the beginning of the end...

I'm not judging you and you don't have to listen to what I have to say, this is just purely my opinion.

 

i love you :love:

 

yea i can see where you two are coming from. its just that if it was supposed to end, it would have by now. he's the love of my life. i wouldnt care if he kissed another girl. only sex i would really mind..

 

i'm kind of with pressedrat. I just always felt like when you're that much in love, you don't think about what you're missing out on. You just know what you have, and want to put all your energy into that.

If I was that much in love though I wouldn't wana risk it for a kiss with someone that doesn't mean all that much to me.

but of course i dont have your relationship.Could work for you guys.

 

I don't know...I guess it just makes me ill thinking of my boyfriend kissing another girl...and I can imagine him feeling the same way. We are completely happy with one another and don't feel we need to go outside of our relationship to be happy...that's not to say that others don't...I just really will never understand how people can.

*shrugs*

Good luck with everything Pink!

 

Wether better or worse, it will never be the same again.

 

very true.

this could end up blowing up in our faces i suppose...totally possible. i hope it doesnt. i dont know what will happen, but i hope it's positive. i would love to be a one-man girl but i think that is just idealistic for me...at least at this point in my life. we're not ruling out monogamy in the future (in fact, we're working toward that).

 

I don't know.. I guess.. it's an open relationship.. maybe that's what you need.. to experience with other people before you realize he's all you need.. if he is.

I personally think that when you really love someone you shouldn't think about other people like that.. or want to be with other people like that.. but if you do.. you should go ahead, instead of pretending. At that point I think I'd end the relationship though.. and maybe remain "friends with benefits" - but not invest into something more serious where both ends are happy where they are.

it's normal and human to feel attracted to other people.. and flirt and stuff.. but if you need to act on it, you're not happy where you are.. not happy "enough" - I think.

 

this could be true. i just dont know. but it looks like i'm going to find out. :/

 

That sounds fuckin awsome.

 

hahah yea i thought it was pretty neat :tongue:

 

pretty great for your friends too

 

you will, and whatever it is.. you definitely need to experience it.. maybe you'll realize you miss him.. and he's all you need to fulfill you romantic and sex life. that he's better than anyone else.. that.. you *really* love him. maybe you'll realize you weren't fulfilled.. who knows.

good luck anyway!

 

thanks laety, good points

and thank you everyone else who responded, i really do appreciate your input here

i feel like a lost little puppy when it comes to relationships...i dont know what to do, i just want to be loved, ya know? life is so damn confusing to me right now..and i definitely dont always make the right decisions...im just trying to make sense of it all..

 

I think the make out/no sex idea doesn't really work. It's a recepie for a slew of frustrating flings with people.


I also think that love or no love, you guys may need a break from one another. Or just have an open relationship.

But the one thing about open relationships is that, to be mutual, you're going to have to help your guy get girls. Otherwise you're just going to have the common scenario of the girl sleeping around and your guy getting frustrated because he buys them drinks but they'll rarely fuck him.

I've been with women that wanted open relationships with me, and the first thing I said was: "Look. If that's what you want it's ok. But you're going to have to help me get girls to be fair. You can go out and get a sexual partner at will, I need to work for it."

Fortunately, one of them was bi and understanding. The other one was worse at picking up guys than I am at picking up girls.

Either way good luck.