post your funniest joke

Baby seal walks into a club..

 

lol, pink golf balls.
a rhyme told to me whilst drunk:
once there was a man named stan. he had a seed in his hand. he planted it deep, waited a week, came back and was ran over by a boat.

 

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip.

 

aaaaaaw dude i wana know whyyyyyyyyy

 

^ seriously man. that just pisses me off

 

whats funnier than 7 dead babies in 7 mailboxes? 1 dead baby in seven mail boxes

 

The golf balls joke is supposed to end where the kid gets run over by a car, and on his hospital bed his dad asks him what he did with all the pink golf balls. The kid dies and the end of the joke is:

The moral of the story is.....Look both ways before crossing

 

picture this......
its the morning time, mothers running around getting ready for work, dads in the shower, little daughter is running loose thru the house .....all of a sudden the daughter busts in the bathroom, RIPS open the shower curtain, looks at her dad, says "dad whats that hanging from you?" the dad replies "thats my penis darling", The daughter says in response "i want one when do i get one?" the dad responds" as soon as your mother leaves for work!" -george carlin

 

What do you call a black guy standing on a white wall?


a hallway

get it?

 

A man was lying on his deathbed and he had 5 children - all of them had ginger but the last who had black hair, as his wife came to visit him he asked her one question - Is the youngest child really mine? The wife replied yes and after that he died.
Later she was talking to her friend and said - thank the heavens he didnt ask me if the other 4 were his.

 

Ok a redneck and a rich white dude are ina poetry final. The final question is the contest to create a poem with the word "Timbuctu"

The rich boy thinks and says

"Across the burning desert sand
treks the tired caravan
one by one and two by two
destination: timbucktu"

The crowd goes wild and it's the rednecks turn. It looks like he is gonna lose. when suddenly

"Me and Tim a huntin' went
when we spied three whores in a pop-up tent
they was three and we was two
so I buck one and Timbuktu

 

what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the floor?
-Matt
In the pool?
-Bob
In the hot tub?
-Stu
On the wall?
-Art
In a pile of leaves?
-Russell

 

LOL! Good shit!

 

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better get some support soon or people will think we're nuts!"

 

so this group of nuns are in a bus; it crashes, and the nuns die... before going through the gates of heaven, Jesus asks them to purify themselves before entering paradise by washing with holy water the part of the body where they had touched a male's genitals with.
The first nun washes her hands. The second nun washes her right thigh. The third nun washes her left thigh...
Then Jesus sees this nun running from the back of the line to the front of the queue... and Jesus asks her: "What's wrong Sister? Why the rush?"
To which the nun responds: "Well, if I'm gonna hav to drink that water... let me do it now before that bitch over there washes her ass with it!"

 

A limerick!

There once was a girl from St. Jude,
Who liked to dance in the nude.
A man, way up front,
Said, "I smell a ****."
And frankly I think that's quite rude.

 

Two blondes walks into a bar. The brunette ducks....

Two blondes walk into a building... You think one of them would have seen it.

Why isn't there a Mexican Olympic team? Any Mexican that can run, jump, or swim are in America.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead escape from prison and run into a forest. They hear cops chasing them, so they dive into an empty cabin to find three potatoe sacks. They each hide in a potatoe sack. The cops bust in, and kick the sack with the redhead, "Meow!" "It's just a cat!" They kick the second one with the brunette, "Woof!" "It's just a dog!!" They kick the thrid one, "POTATOE!"

 

Ahaha that made me laugh!

 

Why was the bicycle lying on the side of the road?
B/c it was two tired!

Lame, yes, but it breaks the ice sometimes.

 

hmm some of these are really good
gotta love racism, sexism, incest and dead baby jokes
the best joke i've heard was the aristocrats joke
i can't tell it over the internet through this forum
if you're interested in it i suggest watching the movie the aristocrats