Jack the ripper gonna steal my soul, Lyin’ in bed and feelin’ old. I haven’t used my feet for thirty years, Find a treasure chest, full of tears. Haven’t made a friend and I don’t know why, You could kill her love with the look of an eye. I met a nice girl, her name was Alice, Fill my eyes with rivers of sadness. Show me to your wonderland, Where grown men still play in the sand. She told me she loved me on the fourth of July, When five came around she was saying goodbye. Waste my days at the fountain of youth, Under my pillow is a knocked out tooth. Lost an arm wrestle to Jesus Christ, I’m goin’ to hell, never shoulda rolled them dice. I had the guts but not the gal, To sleep with your baby in a bathroom stall. Death was nearing for Adam and Eve, But they still weren’t ready to leave. The people had no bread, just loads of cake, Seen a chopped off head on a bloody steak. I ward off vampires with a trusty cross, I ward off The Man by being nice to my boss. He knows when you don’t eat your greens, He knows when you act obscene. He’s real judgmental, He’s not a rental, Just be a good American and keep choppin’ wood, And try not to sin or He’ll smite you good.
