Parents are self esteem killers

I have a weak relationship with my parents. I have a weaker one with my mom. I cant go to her for emotional help or comfort. She doesnt exactlt give it to me. Im extremely hurt by this and it kills me inside that I go to others for help before I even go to her.

Im not saying "oh they wont let me out" cause they do, i leave whenever and they dont give me shit sometimes

its just theyre lacking the comfort and support of my life. I wish i could go to them with the stress i have but i hold it inside because i know im gonna get criticize.

My mom gives me so much shit about not having a job and it stresses me out even more because I really really need one, im sick of having no money but the way my city is about getting jobs is so hard on me because i have a "disability" and they look at that and think shes not good enough for the job and write me off

Im getting fed up with living in this house and I told my mom to get me on disability so i can get the hell out of here and start looking for a job somewhere else

Yes I talk to my mom like that cause again, we dont have that emotional closeness

I still try though. Today, my stupid bank got my account in the negatives again and my mom blames me. I hold my emotions back and i get something to eat but theres no bread. I say we dont have any bread and my smart ass dad says then why dont you go and buy some! Thats when i say I DONT HAVE ANY MONEY! Then i start to break down and cry. And I gotta hear both my sister and dad say "oh my god you big baby" I try my best to stop crying but i just go to my room and almost had a nervous break down which last time I had to go to the hospital for cause my dad was kicking me out with no phone and nowhere to go because I didnt call him back the night i was at a friends house..

hearing my parents laughing at the stupid tv while im in my room crying, made my whole body ache. I calmed down and went to get something to eat. I sat in the living room and thought maybe I should tell em what Im thinking about returning to college for...

I turn to my mom and say "How bout going to college to be an ultrasound techician?" she gives me a look and they both laugh. She says "you know how hard that is and how many years of schooling?" I say well it cant be more than 5 aand she says "ha! what makes you think you could do that? You couldnt even pass math last time" I say well you know how i struggle with math, but i passed biology, thats like more helpful in the med field and she says "you couldnt do it, stop changing careers"

And I just walked off when they continued laughing. Yes I was hurt and i was tearing up yet again when my sister came in and asked what was wrong, she could tell, it was my parents who did this and she shook her head and kinda yelled at them

Im starting to hate them. I spend no time with them and when i do, theres no communication involved. I never think about them when Im planning out my life. My plan is to work my way down to Florida and live there for awhile and I dont care how far away from them ill be, the further i am, the happier i am. I dunno. its like a breath of fresh air

I went to a lot of people in psychology and even old advice I asked here and most people said it was the people around me who were stressing me out and I needed to go fast. im hoping disability will work for me and that'll get me on my feet and ill go back to college and get the job I want and cancel disability then because I am kinda against it

I dunno. you can give me advice if you want. I am venting.

 

thats indeed a tough situation lulu....
it sounds like your family doesnt quite know how to help you, and it sounds even more like they dont really understand your disability...

perhaps finding a support group for people with the same disability with you would help immensely.

if you believe it you can achieve it, dont let anyone get in the way of your dreams...if you want to be an ultrasound tech (which i think would be a great career for you) then do it!!

love and luck to you lady

 

Yeah, just because they are your family doesn't make you beholden to them in any way. I second the support group option MaryJBlaze suggested, as well as some assertiveness training to get yourself able to stand up for yourself better and set boundaries with your family members. Try and find a service that can maybe help hook you up with a job or school program that could accommodate your disability - some temp agencies are surprisingly helpful with resources for people who have disabilities but could possibly have a job if it were a good fit for them. I think you really could have a life and hold down your own job. Your parents are fucked up people who are taking it out on you because you're an easy target since you're a dependent. You could benefit from trying to find a job that could fit your situation and saving money. Then you could get out.

 

time to find comfort and support in yourself, you are an "adult" now and shouldnt expect the comfort and support from them.. Find it within yourself

why do you point out "your disability" and make it the issue? Fact is, it is tough all over.. Seems like you are wanting to use "your disability" even though you say the contrary.. If your "disability" is not something that would interfere with your job then why even bring it up or write it on an application..

Ummm your mom needs to get you on disability? You are an adult, if that is the path you are choosing for yourself then YOU go get your disability... YOU are an adult , mommy shouldnt have to do this stuff for you at this point. YOU must take the steps to get where you want to go in life... maybe mom is getting tired of having to treat you as though you are 12 still?

your stupid bank account went into the negatives all on its own??? Who else is mom supposed to blame? It is your dang account. Maybe mom and dad simply want you to start taking responsibility for yourself and your actions.

Do you think parents are made of money? Is there nothing else in the whole house to eat? Seriously, if you are indeed 19 and crying over no bread in the house, no wonder they are picking at you.


i am not trying to bash you here because it obviously hurts your feelings and causes you to have abnormal reactions for a 19 year old adult... but

You really need to stop blame shifting and making everything everyone elses fault. You and you alone control your own destiny, not them.. You have to have the self control and take on personal responsibility. You need to get out,, but getting out is not going to make a damned bit of difference in the world until you take on the role of being an adult,,, In other words so long as you keep acting like a spoilt rotten childish brat then this is how you will be treated. It is not a parental issue, its a YOU issue. It will go on into employment, living arrangements, relationships with others, you name it. In your eyes though it is always going to be the others fault... Step up , grow up , and takes the steps necessary to do what you want to do,,, but its on you,,, no one else

 

Mary and sea- I am in a program to help me get a job before going on disability but its been too long since Ive been with them and I feel like im wasting time. Maybe i'll just go back to babysitting for the time being

Dilli- I know im an adult and I know to comfort myself..I do it all the time. Im use to it but sometimes a person needs someone to talk to. hence im talking to you guys

and not once have I pointed out my disability to people. They recognize it. My small speech impediment and sadly Im not good enough for the job.

My mom and I are in this together getting on disability. Granted I never wanted to, i never had help from the government so I really dont know where to go or what to do and my mom doesnt want to see me get ripped off by some looney lawyer. Im glad to have her on my side for this

Dilli you're treating me like Im some kind of brat. Im very independent. I struggle to pay for my gas and insurance on my own car. I never ask them for money and when I do, most likely I deserved it.

About my bank account....again not my fault. it was an old school bank that charged fees like you would not believe when it got down to 15 dollars...i didnt know this. Apparantly every time I Swipped my card, a feee of 3 dollars came with the charge and that was what got me into the negatives.
I know when shit is my fault and I canceled my account there and went with my parents bank.

No obviously I dont think my parents are made of money, buddy. But Im sure bratty little teens do think that and Im no brat. I was stressed out from my bank account...people lash out when they're mad..I wanted something to eat to calm myself down. I lashed out and got emotional because they cant realize that I have NO money and no income. I hold my emotions in and when they get annoyed. I become emotional.

I wanted to stay in college I wanted to have a nice job. But no that shit went all to hell. I have every reason to be stressed out just like every other person. In no way am I spoiled or a brat

Im just stuck right now because Im not fully independent. I had a small time job but i lost it cause of the ecomony. My parents be nice sometimes and give me a 10 here and there so I dont lose my mind being stuck in this house.

Now you should look at my sister. SHE is the brat. stuck up, stubborn, rebellious.

Im not like that. All my life my mom taught me how to be independent but never give that emotional closeness. I love my mom but once I do get out of here, Im probably not going to see them for awhile.

 

how are you going to get on disability for a speech impediment? i mean really, there are people missing arms that cant get disability..

 

Psh, the government hands out disability like candy. I know a lady that has it because she requires strong prescription glasses. It just comes down to laziness, really. Now, if you're missing a leg or something, great, draw disability.

And, it's really no ones fault but your own. If you were such an adult, you would have read the entire contract on that student bank thing you have, and understood it fully before participating in it. So, yes, it is your fault.
And, I'm sure your parents DO realize you have no job, and no income....which is why they keep telling you to get a job and income. And, though you claim NOT to be spoiled or bratty, you sure do convey that you are both of those things. You said something along the lines of "I don't ask for money, but when I do I usually deserve it" for what....did you cure cancer? Most teens nowadays feel they 'deserve' money for doing simple household chores. The reality? No one is going to be there to pay you for taking out your own trash in your own place.
This just sounds to me like a typical 19 year old wanting to be out of mommy and daddys safe house and on their own....until they get what they want and find out it isn't cake and ice cream. There are bills....bills....and more bills; far beyond gas and car insurance. Did you even buy your own car? If you DID, good on you.

And, IF your mom really did tell you that you can't be what you want to be when you grow up, PROVE HER WRONG! There are tutors in college, around here anyway, and they're free. I'm sure you can find SOMEONE to help you with math. You can't let people get you down, girl! Especially when they tell you that you can't do something! I'd take it as motivation and run with it, don't start a pity party! :hat:

 

ive got cerebral palsy

and no they dont give it out like candy. not like here. Ive been denied once and im trying again just to be INDEPENDENT once again and then i can continue paying my OWN CAR INSURANCE and phone bill with some help. Its difficult for me because my handicap is not really so bad but i do have limitations.

Moon once again you're an idiot if you think im drawing disability just because you think im lazy. for almost 20 years I had no government help until now. The economy is shit and i need it to get my life started again not being "im so lazy" I need to back to college and get a job. then im getting off it

i do deserve it. I help my parents out every chance I get and for 10 dollars? hell yes ill take it. does that sound bratty to you?

Again im not like any other teenager. I dont throw a fit when i have to do something i dont want to do, I dont argue with my rents, I dont give them shit, I dont ask for shit. They pick on me because I dont have fuckin income coming in to go to college and get back into medicine. my dad shouldnt be talking and my sister shouldnt be talking shit, they both have no jobs :hat:

Am i taking it out on them and picking on them? NO. you know why? Im more mature than that

and I should really take my age off here. First thing people look at and judge. Sure I would like to move out and be independent and stressed at the same time but not right now. I just need income to get me on my feet simply and looking for a job is wasting too much time

 

lol once again I <3 you faelixx

 

Alright. Don't neg rep me for bad advice. We both know I give bad advice.

But, here it is:

Just move out. It doesn't matter where you'll go or how you'll live. Don't think about that when you walk out the door. Don't take a car, and don't take more with you than you can comfortably carry in a full day of walking.

Tell the world that you're coming, and that you want it to show you where you need to go. Keep your mind open and give trust in small increments to the people you meet.

Do what you have to do to survive, and become who you will be.

You won't starve. You won't die of exposure. You'll be surprised. You'll live, and you'll find your life.

 

awww man. I can totally relate. I'm on the brink of screwing highschool off and getting into a wonderful college...but my parents just don't understand. I see where you're coming from and the circumstances you have to face. I think you should, as much as possible, set your emotions aside regarding your relationship with your parents (I know, it's hard) and just keep in mind what you have going for you in the near future. Hope this helps, this is my gut feeling-advice I give to you

 

may parents were great for my self-esteem. Thats what they're supposed to do

 

Don't hold your breath for disability. Get back in touch with the job program, be persistent with them and show them you want to work with them. Your parents do sound like terrible people to try and live with, but how is time for you to show them you're better than them. Do your best, and really apply yourself with every chance you're given outside the home. And since they've shown they won't give you their approval, stop wanting it. Don't bring up your hopes and dreams to them anymore because you know how they'll react. It's bad that they are that way, I'm not saying that their actions are OK, I'm just saying they are how they are, and you just need to do what has to be done to get out. Your mom is only further teaching you to stay dependent if the only thing she's on your side about is getting disability benefits. Most job programs and temp agencies also have to advocate for your legal rights. A speech impediment should not keep you from getting at least some form of work. And by all means if you can get money under the table from babysitting, do it! Save every cent you can and get outta there honey!

 

I only read the first post.

Does seem your parents are just using you to make themselves feel better about themsleves, try get out, at least for a little while.

19, just starting out in adulthood, really not a good time to hear all that negative crap

 

cant do that. too many weirdos out there lol but thanks


my plan now is still trying to get disability. BUT going back to babysitting and having just small jobs here and there, apply at more offices during this waiting period for disability. because i have a disability. I should not be denied it so many times

I wont be the "fully indepedent" teen like some of you people think i should be but hey SOME money and a little independency goes a long way

 

Exactly. Ive been getting it ever since I was 18...it calmed down though...me and mom are starting to talk again and shes not questioning every bit of me. Just hrd because my mom moved out at 17 and my dad moved out at 25 sooo a bit of a war on this. When my mom pushes me, my dad pulls me back.

 

Well, alright. But you do realize that you just gave those weirdos the power to make huge decisions about how you will live your life, right?

What you fear controls you even more than what you desire.

 

I hear ya, lulu.
The only time my mother and I talk is when shes complaining about how much her life sucks, ordering me to to chores, telling me that I'm too skinny, and telling me i spend too much time on the computer and that i should get off and watch tv (This always makes me laugh).

But it looks like you got it worse. I hope things somehow get better for you =)

 

I'm appalled by the smartasses who have the nerve to criticize the OP. I think people who can't empathize are basically insecure. They have to distance themselves from whomever has problems lest they be caught alive being imperfect.

I'm sure your relationship with your parents is co-dependent, Stacy. And they have a perspective of their own. However, bad parenting is bad parenting. Whether you're young, old, disabled or not, independent or not, rich or poor.

I hope you stop blaming yourself for your parents shortcomings or those of your society. And I wish you keep your dream of going to college in case the opportunity comes.

This is a society of extreme blame-the-victim economic injustice and alienation. Do you have a good friend whom you can seek support from? Maybe someone who's going through the same as you?

I don't know enough to give advice, I'm sorry you have to go through this and my best wishes.

 

they're not making desicions for me. they're guiding me because obviously i dont have parents to. I have the ability to agree or disagree with them. just like i disagreed with your post

didy- I hope everything works out for you lol. My mom use to tell me to get off the computer (while i was applying for jobs) and spend time with the family while they watch tv...thats not spending quality time.

I dont know if your mom is being sarcastic about you being too skinny but my dad is serious about mine. He tells me to stop eating or im eating too much or he just gives me the meanest look when im in the kitchen cooking something. i am not kidding you.