So I know its bad form to come back after months of not posting and post a really long post and ask advice without answering other peoples posts but I've been stuck in the bush working and I have an urgent matter to attend to. I've been with Jerm two years. I mean really with, planting travelling, living, hitchhiking. I love him alot. He's really sensitive and I'm sensitive too, and passionate. When I get angry he doesn't respond in kind, he just gets hurt. It took him a year or so before he said I love you. We were treeplanting together this summer and got in a fight while at work. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore. We got back together the next day. Since then he won't say I love you anymore. When treeplanting ended I verbally suggested we take a break so he could sort out whether he loves me or not. When I got back to my mums house where I'm visiting I emailed him and told him it was official, we're on a break. All he emailed back was that he was going back planting and wouldn't be at a comp for awhile and does this mean you're not coming to Robin, his ex girlfriends, wedding? I don't really understand how a person could be with someone for two years and not love them. When I ask him if he loves me he just says I don't know. I don't understand why he's willing to stay in a relationship with someone he may or may not love either. I think he thinks when you meet the right person it just goes smoothly and theres no problems. I think he's deluding himself. He's not a bad person. I can't think about anything else. My question is, should I move on or keep hoping he chooses to love me?
i dont think you need to love someone to enjoy their company and date them, i dont think there should be a limit on the amount of time you spend with someone equating into a love. he may think you're deluding yourself when you say you love him simply because you've been with him X amount of years. if him not beign in love with you is too much for you to handle and hinders the relationship then move on, if he doesnt love you and you can handle that i dont see any reason to leave
I don't love him because we've been together x amount of years I say it because I love him. My point is if doesn't love me by now will he ever ever ever love me?
for me there comes a point where i assess a relationship to see if it's going to go further, and one of the things i look at it is love... of course i tend to fall pretty fast, i get pretty passionate in the beginning and it takes awhile to see if there's anything behind it... maybe Jerm is the opposite... he grows into love... it's probably more meaningful to be friends and know somebody for a long time before realizing you've always been in love with them... on the other hand it's kinda weird to be so intimate with somebody for 2 years and never achieve that level... since it doesn't seem like you guys were casually dating for that whole time... i'm sorry i don't know what to say.. i think you'd have to talk to him more about longterm commitments and his idea of love.
A human, two-person, committed relationship is among the most difficult spiritual, physical, mental, and trusting accomplishments of the spicies. If it has a history of going off the track this early, it's either not worth the hard work to get it back - or it is. It is your decision, and yours alone, Crystal. But it is and will remain hard work with anyone! You sound as though you are ready to give up; follow your energy supply! At any rate there are lots of us around - not as though he's the only man in the universe. And, we each present different problems. Viva variety and diversity!!!
Thanks guys. Its nice to get different perspectives on things. I know ultimatums aren't cool but I kinda gave him one. I told him to either let me know or let me go. Its kinda funny it doesnt hurt as bad as it should. When we broke up before it hurt alot worse.
Hey Crystal - howz it going? I have no advice to give, as my love life is effectively shot right now! But...to me it is worth hanging on..that may just be because im a hopeless romantic and delusional like your friend ... but why not?? If you love him you are only following your heart. I miss my girlfriend, i wish she would speak to me. IT HURTS!! She is forcing me to move on but i feel that if i was with ANYONE else I would be settling for less... so why bother?? I can only say don't give up hope ~
I second that. He know, he just isn't saying. I imagine to protect your feelings. It's time to move on. Good luck
You are the best judge, but from what you've said here, you really did break up before, but it was just a while in dying out. People can fall in love with an idea as much as a person. If he could say that he loved you before, but he can't say it now, it sounds as if he's already given up. Whatever the outcome, I wish you happiness. Be good to yourself.
