I live about 500 miles from my boyfriend and recently we have been having some problems. I can't stand the thought of losing him so I thought maybe and open relationship might work. I know very little about them though, can anyone inform me? Anyone in an open relationship? Does it work? Thanks in advance Your Inner Child
hi child > I live about 500 miles from my boyfriend and recently we have been having some problems. I can't stand the thought of losing him so I thought maybe and open relationship might work. I must confess that the phrase "I can't stand the thought of losing him" sends alarm bells ringing in my head. all relationships come to an end even if via berevement. Do not healthy couples in effect practice for when they will not have their partner to depend on. also a bit concerned. I don't think that open relationships are a panacea for a relationship which is not working. True however, it is probably a sensible solution for a relationship which is strained by the pressure of being monogamous. was at dinner with a friend last night who came out with "open relatioships don't work", and this based on one example of it not working. A greater truism would be that closed monogamous relationships don't work, judging by divorce statistics and relationships that are broken down without divorce. I am sure someone will post "Open relationships don't work/are just about male exploitation" or whatever, and then fail to defend this with rational argument, but you heard it here first. > I know very little about them though, can anyone inform me? I think that people know very little about relationships full stop. A closed monogamous relationship is one type of relationship, suits some people, though very few I suspect, and not others. If people would stop holding up closed monogamy as an ideal. It is in my view anything but. > Anyone in an open relationship? not heard from my sort of London paramour. But if I don't I am still not seeking a mono relationship. anything else considered. and yes I know people socially who are in open relationships that work far better than any mono relationship I know of. > Does it work? Perhaps best thing to do is ask what matters to you. My own answer is mutuality and love. Can you live beyond jealousy? Is jealousy a virtue (and at the end of the day, when we hold up monogamy to be an ideal it holds jealousy to be both a virtue and expected)? Who owns your body? Who owns your boyfriend's body? Who decides how much of it you can share? Who decides how much of it he can share? And with who? Does the thought of your boyfriend being made happy by another person fill you with sadness or with joy? What are the boundaries of the relationship? (you will have to ask this in a mono relationship anyway) Can you meet all your boyfriends needs and desires? Can he meet all of your needs and desires? (If the answer is yes I suggest you are not being realistic) Reading the agony aunt columns in some of the red top tabloid papers leads me to the conclusion that often enough on partner has a different sex drive to another in a mono relationship, leaving one partner, often as not the woman, frustrated. Will you be open and honest with your boyfriend? Including about misgivings and jealousy? (and again, if the answer is no, then perhaps a mono relationship also is doomed to failure) some final observations. I am more than capable of feelings of jealousy. But I feel a need to live beyond jealousy. And maybe jealousy is more than a pointer to some un met need, though in my experience so far that is what it has been. I can be generous with my body and soul to who I please. I intend to keep it that way. it doesn't get me many dates, but shame on whoever thinks ill of it. It is not for everyone, but it is surely the most generous way to live? love and liberation Snowdrop
