Not sure what to do.........

So, anyways, here is my story. Met this girl a couple months back, we immediately hit it off and spent a lot of time together, and it so happens that she only lives about 1 mile away from each other, so it was working out just about perfect considering I live in a town where I rarely date someone who is less than living on the other side of town, and the way we met was completely random and perfect timing, we had met online a few years ago, had a few conversations but never actually met until a couple months ago. Anyways, picture perfect relationship, no drama, etc, definitely that 'meant to be' feeling.


Anyways, this brings me to my problem, for the past month she has been sick most of the time, and it seems like its been one thing right after another. First off it was a migrane for about 1 week straight, Presently, her main problem is she has what is called endometriosis, which causes her quite a bit of pain and I believe it has been dragging her down quite a bit and probably the leading cause of everything else that has been happening to her, and this is something that could potentially be on going. From what I have found out is that she goes through stuff like this on a regular basis. In the past month we have had maybe 3 days where I really felt like she was coming back around.

Anyways, I am doing my best to be there for her, and still give her the space she needs to get well, but my problem is that its also creating a lot of stress for me, she does not like to communicate much, and most of our conversations have been short, she is very quick to anger and does take a lot of things the wrong way. And honestly for a while I felt as if she was putting on an act because of some issue she had with our relationship, I was almost ready to walk away but she really put forth a lot of effort to prove to me that I was not the problem.

But in the end, I do want to be with someone who is healthy, who I can have a normal relationship with and still do things with, I want her to be that girl, However all of those things which made it work for me in the beginning are gone, and I am basically hanging on and hoping that this girl is going to get better and come back around and be herself again. So right now I am stuck, I care about her and want to be there for her, but still feel like I need to look out for myself and be happy as well, I don't want to come off as being a selfish ass but I do not know how long I can continue to deal with this if it doesn't change.

Any input on this?

 

talk to her about it, tell her how you feel.

 

I am trying to talk to her about it, It has not been easy.

 

I suppose this is what bothers me more than anything else. First of all, she was gone for about a week, she comes back, comes over spends the entire weekend with me, most of which was pretty good, but then during the week this week, she acts as if sending a text message is too much of a burden, and its not like I am sending her dozens of texts or calling her constantly, its more like 1 in the morining, and maybe one in the afternoon to ask how she is doing. I am tired of feeling like I am the only one putting forth an effort. This entire week, not once has she taken the initiative to contact me without me making the effort first. Just something, anything to show that she cares and is glad I am hanging around would be nice and would make all the difference in the world, but I suppose that is too much to ask.

 

no, it's not too much to ask. you may not be dealing with someone who's on the same page as you. some people are so independent they don't need constant contact or reassurance. also, she may just be very busy with work when you're apart. but if you talk to her about it and let her know how you feel, she may be willing to accomodate your needs. it's up to all of us to communicate our needs.

 

Just very out of character for her to be like this, and it seems to be progressively getting worse. I am pretty irritated today about this.

 

in that case, maybe there's some aspect of the relationship she is not happy with. perhaps she is getting irritated that she's not being heard and running out of patience with it. this might cause her to withdraw somewhat to let you know she's not pleased. has she tried to tell you something that she wants that she's not getting from the relationship?

 

Doesnt matter, I broke up with her tonight.

This is what happened, she told me that she had a migrane this morning and went to get some morphine from the ER to cure the pain and she was going to stay in bed for the night. This is after we had plans this evening to go out to haunted houses. Anyways, i went out with some friends to watch the fights, and her place was on the way home, and something told me to drive by just too see, and sure enough she was gone.

Somehow I knew exactly where she was, which was at a bar, I called her on her bullshit and ended it on the spot. I do not tolerate lying, or lack of respect, and it makes me wonder how much of her sickness was really real anyways. IMO, she was using it as a scapegoat. And also makes me wonder how deep her lies really went.

It does make me sad, but at the same time it also reminds me of how sharp my 6th sense is, and no matter what I am better off without her, the way things had been going I had started drinking more and started falling off in other areas of my life because of the stress that she was creating. No one needs someone like that in their life.

The problem is, I do not deal well with being depressed.

 

Well Im gonna get flack for saying this but I have known too many relationships that start of with a girl who has lists of assorted "medical" problems only to end up being a serious head case. Be glad you got out while you could!

 

the OP asked for feeback about this, so i'll offer some food for thought.

it all really boils down to how much you really care about a person. if a person is truly a hypochondriac, that is annoying...but it is also a treatable disorder...and a person who cares can help someone get help with that as with anything else. another consideration is that most people at some time in their life experience a period of great health challenges. they are often abandoned by loved ones who don't want to make the sacrifice involved in helping them through it. the person who is healthy today may not be tomorrow.

what also could be involved here is varying levels of need. some people are so independent they can have a good, enduring relationship with someone who lives in another city or has relationships with other people. on the other hand, some people need alot of reassurance, frequent contact and promises of exclusivity. people fall all over that spectrum. it is possible that she was dishonest and was just using and taking advantage. but it's also possible that she was simply more independent and needed more space. i wonder how well you would have responded to a direct statement that she needed space. maybe she didn't know how to ask for it, and maybe you would have considered the request unacceptable anyways...or she suspected so. this kind of thing happens in relationships where the partners have great differences in their level of 'neediness'. it's important to have a pretty good match in that regard for a relationship to work long-term.

all that said, you need to use your own best judgement and make the best decision you can. when you post to a forum asking for advice or feedback, no one knows anything about the situation but what you post. there's always more to the story than that. you're the one who is there. if this is basically someone who's a lying, cheating barfly...yeah, you're undoubtedly better off. you say you've only known her for a few months, so obviously you haven't invested all that much into this relationship, and that makes it easier to walk away.

 

she has all the space she wants now, lol, we are on a break, pretty much broken up IMO. After her lies last night, I am pretty much done with her. I am not saying that we will not reconnect in the future, however she needs to be healthly enough and really needs to step up to the plate and show me that she wants to be with me.

 

it seems like you're pretty clear about what you want and need.

 

Well, my sympathy changed. I did care for her, and maybe even could have loved her, but lies? Telling me she is sick and staying home but then is out at a bar with her friends, thats a load of shit.

And honestly, I feel like a ton of bricks is off my back now.

 

I have "valid" health problems, but I make an effort to get things done. It frustrates my husband when I refuse to slow down, but I never want my health to define who I am.

The morphine for a migraine struck me as odd....I have had migraines for 20 years, and sometimes end up in the ER for them. I have been given demoral and torredol (sp?), but that was on RARE occasions. It used to be standard treatment, but has not been for over 10 years. Last time I had anything more than the "standard meds" (Immitrex, maxalt, etc) was torredol and my husband had to argue with the doctor to get it. Maybe it's a west coast thing, but it just struck me as odd. Maybe she has them...who knows.... but people that use migraines as an excuse really need to try one!

I say good riddance! As I read your post I wondered if it was a gal my brother dated. She had every health issue known to man....until it was time to go to the bar. She was a nutjob.....I was happy to see her go!

 

where does your brother live? LOL

 

She lives wherever she got dumped. She has a tendency to hook up with guys all over the place and use them. Because of her tendency to use people she ends up stranded. They (her and my bro) stayed with me for a bit, but I kicked her out for stealing my brother's truck to go to the bar. She called a couple days later when she was drunk saying "we've been friends for 35 years how could you do this to me"... I have a list of crap she tried to pull.....a LONG list. I just laughed my ass off at the "friends for 35 years" because I was 35 at the time. What a pathetic human being....

As my friend put it "she's nuttier than a fruitcake!"

 

Kind of odd she hasn't tried calling / texting in the last few days, surprized by that one. I wonder if she is a bit bipolar/depressed in addition to all of her other problems, she definitely fits the type. Not too worried about it, I am just glad I only dealt with her for a couple months and not long term, that would be bad to deal with someone who is sick all the time, especially since it so dramatically effects her personality.

I wanted to be there for her, to comfort, but if it comes down to lying to me, thats a whole other story, if being sick causes her to not give a crap about the people that care about her, then she can be that way by herself. I am in pretty much perfect health and I can easily find someone who is as well.

 

stories and personal experiences of my own really make me wonder about girls. im not saying all, but at my age (18) most girls seem to be to self centered to have a good relationship with.

PS dude your probably better off without her, people that lie and deseive dont change easily and certainly not overnight.

 

They definitely are at your age. Date some older women

And you are right. All too often when you care about someone, you try to look for things that are not there, and ignore the obvious truth about them.

Also, I don't think we had enough of a relationship in the first place to endure through more than half of it with her being sick to the point where she couldn't do normal things or act normal. I think it may had been different if we had been together for a while, and this had just came up.

 

Sorry for all the shit you went through man, I've been there b4 especially with the "migraine" deal, ? for ladies...is this just a common cockblock, I mean that's totally not what I was after all, I CARED and tried, but fuck if you're in a relationship sex is a part of that (even fuckin once a MONTH?) it just seems so "foolproof" of an excuse..anyhow I'm ramblin, main point...some lucky and deserving lady is gonna cash in on your giving and caring heart and god help her when that time comes =)...best wishes for ya man, but as they say, patience is a virtue