Hi everyone. I am new and have a question. I met this woman online and we emailed, talked on the phone everyday for almost 2 months before we met. we live some distance apart so decided to meet halfway. I was attracted to her and we spent the day together, but that evening she tells me she is not attracted to me physically but she likes me as a person. She also tells me she has a friend with benefits which I did not know about. She knew I was looking for and hoping for a relationship and this is what I thought she was feeling as well so what she told me was very hurtful to me. We had exchanged photos, several in fact, I am femme and she is softer butch. She now tells me she wants us to remain friends but how can you be friends with someone you are attracted to? I feel hurt and somewhat mislead. Should I feel that way? I also feel a bit angry that she told me rather bluntly that she is not attracted to me physically after I told her I was attracted to her. any thoughts greatly appreciated
I think this is pretty universal across any type of relationship be it between members of the same or opposite sex. I know it must be very hard to have someone tell you that they don't find you attractive, but I think she's being honest. Would you rather that she not tell you and instead fake it and start a relationship? I know something about rejection, I've had a lot of experience with it, and it sucks. But I'd rather hear something that stings before I get too emotionally involved than to find out after being with somebody for several months or maybe even several years that they actually don't find me attractive. As for exchanging photos, pictures can give some idea of what somebody looks like, but until you actually have somebody in front of you in the flesh it's almost impossible to know if you're truly attracted to them. Even so, if she wasn't sure if she found you attractive than she probably should not have led you to believe that she did before she knew for sure. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be angry with her about that. As far as being friends, I feel like that's something that people say to "let you off easy" when they don't always mean it. There is no way for me to say that that was what she meant, but you don't have to be friends with her if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry that you are going through this, and I wish you the best.
hi, and thanks for your response. I replied to her email telling me she hoped we could be friends. I told her I did feel hurt considering the hopes I had and I asked her to please tell me or explain to me what it was that she was not attracted to so I would not have to keep wondering. I also said that I needed time to regroup and then maybe we could talk about it. I said I would check my emails later on because I am getting ready for my children to arrive from another state. I checked this morning and she has not replied to my email. I know her work hours and the times she would have been writing but nothing. I really can't figure this one out. I mean we talked everyday on the phone for sometimes over an hour, emailed everyday, we were even sending each other little ecards with "thinking of you" messages etc. She could have at least written me back. She knows I have not been with anyone in a long time and that I have recently accepted my sexuality instead of trying to "conform" to the way others think I should.I have to say it was a sort of blow to my self-confidence and I wonder if I will ever find what I am looking for,I live in an area where there are not many other lesbians out there. I am glad I know how she feels now but if she had told me this when I arrived instead of waiting all day and into the evening I would have come back home instead of wasting all my time there and getting my hopes up. How it happened was wee wee sitting at the bar having a drink around 8 pm, keep in mind I had arrived at 11 AM, and she was asking what I was thinking and being a little on the shy side I hesitated and she said for me to just spit it out. So I told her I was very attracted to her, wanted to show a little affection. we had been flirty, things like making sure we walked close, touched hands occasionally just little things. Then right after I said that she said " I am not physically attracted to you but I do like you as a person" When I got quiet from reeling over what she said after I had spilled my feelings for her she wanted me to tell her what i was thinking and I said very little. I was wondering then why she just did not tell me this at 12 instead of 8 and I could have gone back home already. Anyway, now she will not reply to my emails after saying she wanted to be friends. So I think you were probably right in saying she was just saying that. I really don't feel like I want to be friends with her anyway.
Forget her, she completely wasted your time. If she saw a picture of you and waited until you meet to tell you thats she's not physically attracted to you, then that shows alot about her character. You will meet someone else.
there are probably more lesbians in your area than you think. i'm sure you can find someone who's not a jerk.
It's always hard staying friends with someone you want to be more with. The best thing I found to do is to surround yourself with other friends when you two are together, to find someone else who you can put your romantic frustrations into and to keep communication to a minimum.
