New appriciation for life.

Last night I was in a slump... Nothing could cheer me up. When I was with friends, I felt alone... when I was alone I felt even worse and everything just seemed so pointless...

So, I decided to get high. Now I don't regularly smoke marijuana or do any substances, just once in while, but I just couldn't take the crushing depression any longer, I found a small baggie in my guitar case from a while ago and proceeded to load a bowl...

Little did I know however that this was NOT marjiuana, but some shady "K2" I had saved up a long time ago... I held a big hit in for 30 seconds and immediately started to feel something... peculiar.

My heart started beating fast, I became aware of every breathe as I breathed and Thoughts raced across my head back and forth.... I felt weak, I could barely think and my body was going numb...

It wasn't long before I knew something was seriously wrong, and I kinda just cradled myself in the fetal position for a little bit... but it wasn't enough, I mustered up the strength to go get some water, but every time I moved my heart raced faster.. so I was basically just stuck on the ground...

My vision started to blur a bit, and my body shook from time to time, spasms went throughout my muscles twitching violently... I rememebered that If I put my body in shock that I could make it through an "overdose", but honestly I had no Idea what was going on... so I made my way to the shower, turned it on, and layed down, keeping my head low so that I didn't breath in the water... I felt no better, I left the bathroom nude and layed down on the floor with my fan on.... I started shivering violently and it forced me to go dry myself off and try to huddle up to a blanket...

It was then and there that I thought I was going to die... THe trembling wasn't as bad, but I still occasionally had a little tremor... I thought to myself of all that I loved, and all that I haven't done... I thought the most honestly of myself that I had ever thought before. The brutal honesty of it was that I felt as if I was wasting my life away, feeling sorry for myself and allowing myself to be unmotivated all the time.

I eventually accepted that I was going to die... I welcomed death's embrace and refused to call 911. I spread out my arms, and closed my eyes... I could feel the full force of my heart racing, it was an intensity that is hard to describe. I felt at ease with death, until some time passed and I kind of "woke up".

I decided that I WASN'T going to die... I pulled myself together and thought only of the possibility that I was going to make it out alright, and everything was going to be ok. I spent the next 45 minutes... what felt like hours getting myself together and eventually I started to feel a strange euphoria overcome me...

My episode was over... only happiness overcame me, I called up my girlfriend and told her that I loved her, had a looong conversation and went to bed... I woke up the next morning and am now 100% certain that everything is going to be alright, and my life WILL be worth living... I will make sure of it.

So, I still have no Idea of what happened.
Was it an adverse drug reaction? (Anti-depressants + allergy medication + whatever they put in that k2)
A panic attack?
A seizure?
Seretonin syndrome?

Whatever it was I'm alright now.

 

I've had panic attacks from K2.