NEVER been so conflicted

2 months ago I met a person of the opposite sex who seemed like a nice fellow. We have been hanging out frequently, but seem to butt heads constantly. Still, we are always hanging out and wanting to be around eachother. I have never found it more difficult to get along with someone. Sometimes I feel miserable after we are done hanging out. I'm rather confused because normally I would just hang out with different people that I get along better with...but I always want to be around this person. What the hell?

Any advice perhaps on reaching common ground?

 

what do you butt heads about?

 

Basically just ever occurring communication errors. We come off on each other the wrong way, but still agree on many many things.

 

I've tried rephrasing things frequently and I have been learning to really think before I speak...still not working.

 

So-stimulating to both your intellect AND your heart!

No worries then-once you establish your parameters,awaaaaay you go.

Good luck,have fun.

 

can you give more concrete examples?

 

So much trivial shit that I can't even think of any.

 

Before getting heated into a discussion on a topic, both of you have to make clear the meanings behind certain words that are qualifiers and are quite vague.

But I honestly I think you still have conflicting emotions over the lingering initial attraction, and there's a conflict with how you guys settle things.

Long term this does NOT fair well for the long term pursuit of a relationship and imagine having a marriage with that person with this dynamic constantly there.

It's ok to tease and bicker and even have a huge disagreement with your partner, but the true test is how you are able to gracefully settle the conflict both internally and with your partner in a mutual way.

 

Problems with communication are pretty normal, though frustrating.

Some people you meet you just "connect" with. My current girlfriend, who I've known for about 8 months now and have been dating for a little over three months, was not one of those people.

For a really long time, months and months, we would be constantly finding ourselves having to explain everything a million different ways and it was borderline a chore sometimes to hang out. Still wanted to.

Only recently have I noticed that the "huh?"s are getting less and less frequent, we finally hit a little common ground. Some days we both seemed pissed off at the end, probably because it was so difficult to just "do it", inter-personally speaking.

I don't buy that "I instantly get you" romance shit, what we have now is way more valuable because we've both worked hard. Far cry from perfect, but notably better and smoother. There were a lot of times I thought "I like her but this isn't going to work if it keeps going like this". She told me she used to think the same thing. We have other problems now, but this was one that had to be worked on to the point of acceptability or else we'd have to never talk again.

We saw each other at least 4 days a week, for a long time each day, from the end of February/beginning of March until now. It was worth it every time but could get almost abrasive. Hard to explain- enjoyable, but not? I don't know.

Trust that you want to keep hanging out with this guy. Moreover, it sounds like work from both of you will get you to where you're not always "butting heads". Progress will be slow but present.

*sigh* I feel like one of those people that tries to write a book on dating. Forgive the weird pretentious date "expert" vibe. I don't understand a lot else about relationships... your post just struck a chord with me because it's the major thing I've specifically tried to improve on over months and months recently. Hits home, ya know?

EDIT: I do hope I understood you correctly. Reading back over, I'm not sure. Are you talking "fights" or quality of conversation (not in content but in effectiveness quality)? Figured I'd leave it up though in case it was relevant.

 

That all seems very vague and vague on purpose.


Why would you say 'opposite sex' and not just guy, and conflicted in which way?

And 'different people that I get along better with' what kind, hippies, females, Republicans?

 

Different people as in everyone but this person. Opposite sex meaning we are interested in each other but not dating.

Maybe my vagueness has a lot to do with it in the first place, but I try to explain things thoroughly in conversation.

 

i think he is upset because when you two hang out your always being to vague and he (although he likes you a lot) is looking for someone who is a bit more specific.

 

I can relate to that completely, turned out in my situation we were astrologically opposed. I know astrology is not for everyone but it might be worth your while checking out your compatibility. You can do it free at some astrology sights. It can really fill in the blanks that send you nuts trying to workout, and work through etc. When I did mine it said more or less forget it, just be friends or one of you will come out of it burned by the other. That is exactly what happened! Give it a go. Sometimes it's far less stressful and painful to simply walk away and close the door behind you....peacefully.

 

Hey, take a look at James Carville and Mary Matalin.... opposite ends of the pole but a very successful relationship.

 

Glad you acknowledged that astrology isn't for everybody. But I want to emphasize that I've seen 2 people get together BECAUSE their sign said so....and well it was obvious to everyone else (the mutual friends) it wasn't going to work.

And we, the mutual friends, were planning and wondering how we make our alliances after the split. It was total chaos.

 

We compared mayan galactic signatures recently and were eachother's challenge.

 

your personalities are set off by opposite things. stuff you like, the other doesn't like and vice versa.
yet, on opinions that don't affect either of you immediately, you agree.

you're like 2 different styles that vote for the same political party. maybe there's just not enough there to be great friends. unless the other one wants it to be. have you asked them if you can count on them to want to keep going, despite the bumps.

beware, even if s/he says they do, they might not be motivated to keep on keeping on, at some later date.

 

It's not my vagueness but thanks everyone for letting me know I suck at writing posts.

 

Yeah... I have a girlfriend too

 

Have you ever been around an old married couple and they're just nasty as hell to each other, always bickering, but yet they've been married to each other for like 50+ years? This is how it starts.