Needing a man.

Why is there such a natural instinct to want and need a man in your life. I have to tell myself all the time that I am me, and a strong woman. I am my own person and I don't need a man to complete me.

But that the same time, I am so drawn towards the idea of having my own prince charming, my hero. That guy who turns the alarm off in the morning even though he's not the one getting up. That guy who is always there to take me into his arms when I'm feeling down.

Am I alone in this natural desire? Am I a weak person because of it?

 

I dont need a man... ITs nice to have someone.... But I can deal with out one quite well (and sometimes i love not having a man)... It is Nice to have that prince charming.... One of the best things in the world... I dont think your alone... Every one wants to have a special someone in their life who will hold you and love you... Your not weak if you want it but you are weak if you cant function with out it..

 

what if you can't function that well because you had it and you're losing it?

 

You're not alone and if you don't allow that feeling to rule your life and every decision, you're not weak. Most people feel like you do.

I don't personally feel that way. I have tenative plans to remain celibate this year because I don't want a relationship because I'm starting back to school this summer and getting a new job. I don't have much luck attracting people who meet my standards, and rarely would they be satisfied with a short and friendly affair. I've never liked a romantic partner enough to live with them; they've always felt disposable to me. That probably isn't nice, but that's just me.

 

Some people are just built to work better with another half around. And if it's something/someone you've gotten used to having in your life, it's someone that you're dependent on, of course it's going to seem crazy when that starts slipping away

 

are you sure? because I feel like my whole world is falling apart and I hate myself for feeling this way. I wish I just didn't care. I feel like this pathetic loser who needs this guy in my life to be happy. Everything's changing so quickly. I think I'm losing my mind.

But I should be stronger. I have dealt with SO much more before. Why does this hurt so bad?

 

It's not because you need a man. It's because you love a man.

 

I don't beleive in Prince Charmings. I think the only way for a relationship to survive is to take that person the way they are. Excluding abuse ect, which should never be allowed in any relationship.

I have yet to meet a Prince Charming in my own or any of my freind's lives. Just like perfect womyn don't exist, perfect men don't either.

I am so sorry you are hurting. I wish I could take that hurt away. The only thing to ease that pain is time, not an other man, though.

Love and hugs

 

I feel so awful. We're not even breaking up, either. We're just seperating and trying to find somewhere else for him to live.

I know, it would probably be best, but I have all these fears inside me, and the pain of just not having him around is almost overwhelming. I love all the little things we do together that we won't do if we don't live together. I know in my brain that we NEED this if we plan on trying to save the relationship. I'm 19 for gods sake. I shouldn't be someone's wife already.

But it still hurts. I'm scared. I'm really scared to be alone. I'm afraid he'll love not being with me and never come back. I'm even more scared of Me liking it and not wanting him back. I'm scared I'm going to be poor, I'm scared none of his friends will talk to me, I'm scared that I'll never find someone that does all the little things he does that makes me feel so good.

He says if we live apart for a while we will appreciate those little things more. and partness does make the heart grow fonder. But will it really? Or is this just the beginning of the end?

 

(((((((((((((((moe)))))))))))))))))))))

 

Im sorry hon... Your strong and you know it... You will make it through this... Sending you some happy good vibes darling!!!!

 

thanks girls. It's so hard. I love him dearly. He loves me back. He is really upset about moving out too, but I can't fight like we have been anymore. This has been coming for a while.

I'm a total mess. My coworkers think I'm on something or I was drinking last night. I can't stop crying. I can barely focus on my job. but I can't go home. I'd just be alone there and I don't want to start that already. Not until I have to.

I know either way this is a good, smart move. Either our love will grow (like it should at our age) when we're apart or we'll realize it wasn't meant to be.

But it still hurts so bad I dont' know what to do. I hate myself for being so upset. I should be bigger than this.

 

My husband and I have been committed and living together since we were 18. Neither of us had lived with friends or significant other's before. It was our first times out of our parent's homes. There were times when we honestly didn't think the relatinoship wasn't going to work, that we wern't going to make it together. We got along like cats and dogs. We considered breaking up, or just living seperatly until we worked things out. Instead we decided to stick it out (worring that seperation would be the end - like it was for both our parents), and trudge together through the rough times. And believe me, there were some VERY rough times. Now we have fallen into this comfortable place where we are able to live together harmoniously (well, most times) and we are able to see a whole wide future for us together. We are talking children, planning careers, and buying a house at the end of the year. I am SOOOOOO glad we toughed things out, because we love eachother so much, and are a great couple...if I may say so myself =P

I'm not saying all this because I think you should work it out, that you two should still live together. I don't know you two, I am not privy to the intimacy of your relationship. Seperation may be your best choice, but it isn't the only choice for couples having trouble getting along. I am just trying to let you know that no matter whom you are with, there is going to be major adjustment when beginning to live together. Also to let you know that just because you are 19 doesn't mean you are too young for a committed relationship, or marriage.

I just wanted to throw some of my own experience in there for ya.

 

Reproductive instinct?

Don't worry, you'll bounce back.

 

thanks. I just don't see any other solution. I know al couples fight, and it's not a bad thing, but everytime we fight we bring out the worst in each other and make each other feel worthless. Not by namecalling. Just by saying how we hurt each other. "you do this and it hurts" "well, you do this and it hurts" and it just goes around and around until we both feel like crap.

any advice on how to break that cycle?

nothing is 100% sure yet, but Erik really seems like he's fed up. Deep down so am I.

 

Ian and I have a silly code word that we use when we feel our emotions getting a bit out of control. When either of us says it, we know it is time to maybe go to seperate rooms or at least away from eachother to chill out a little bit. It is kinda hard for me, I am one of those people that have to get the last word in, so I hate to walk away...but I am working on it =P

We used to have a bad habit of drudging up old fights during new ones too.

Keeping a cool head is the key. We have both been working on it, and it has shown. We don't fight like we used to, and when we do we are over it in a few minutes. Sometimes (around my time of the month) I can get a little (okay...a lot) emotional, and arguments can get out crazy, but my husband tries hard to be understanding of that. He keeps an eye on the calendar =P


Did I mention that we have been to a relationship counselor to help us with our problems? None of this we were able to figure out for ourselves. But the therapy probably saved us, and helped us relate to eachother better, and more maturely (we were, and still are, young and therefore selfish and immature at times).

 

Sera has some really good advice! A counselor could really do you two a world of good. At least you will be able to communicate in a safe place, with a referee of sorts, and she could help you with the worst of the problems.

Good luck, Moe.

 

thank you ladies. It helps a little. The tears are still flowing, and my head hurts a LOT but I know whatever happens will be for the good. At least I'm telling myself that to get through today.

I wish we could afford couseling. I can't even afford health insurance.

 

There are places that provide counseling for low-income families. I suggest you do an internet search for places in your area that provide those services. A lot of times the cost is determined on a sliding scale according to your income.

 

Moe, those feelings are so natural, and it doesn't mean that you are weak...I actually think you are quite a strong woman to not only allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, but to post your feelings and concerns on this forum. Wonderfully brave woman you are!! It will pass...do your best to stay in touch with yourself, and what you are experiencing, no matter what happens. Things have a funny way of working out the way they were meant to...it takes time, sometimes, but you come through, and no matter what the outcome, you'll be stronger for the experience!