I am an RA at my university, and I am interested in one of the female RAs. Here is the story: I knew she was seeing someone when we started RA training, and I didn't know her for very long, so I had little attraction to this girl. As time passed, I spent more time with her, and I started to really like her. It come to find out she likes me in the same way, but she is hesitant because we work together. The guy has stopped calling, so I told her we should try it, but we'll take it slow. She agreed, and everything was good for a while. When he started calling again, she told me we should be friends. When he decided to be a jackass again, she wrote him off. Now I was back in the picture. She started coming on strong, asking me to call, eating dinner alone with me, etc. Her residents were even telling me how much she likes me. I followed suit, and two weekends ago we went home for Labor Day break. We live near eachother, so I went out with her that Saturday night. She had a few shots of liquor early in the night (about 7), and she was driving to the pub we were going to around 11. When I was there with her and her friends, she didn't drink that much, so I had little reason to suspect she was wasted. The whole night, she was telling me stuff that was not friend level. At the end of the night, we kissed, and after she drove home, she called and said she wants to go out with me at school. She promised she would treat me well and all that crap. Since she was driving me back to school on Monday, I told her we'll talk then. Then she told me to call Sunday, so I did. Come Monday, she claims she doesn't remember anything she said cause she was too drunk. She remembers kissing, but she doesn't remember agreeing to go out with me. She also says she saw the other guy on Sunday, and she's currently "playing the field" with guys. When we made it to school, I wrote a stern letter explaining why I am angry with her, how much she means to me, and how I am confident I can make it work for us. Her residents said she was crying all night after reading my letter. She spoke to the other guy right before she read it, so she felt terrible. The girl and I talked a lot about this. She decided she only wants this other guy right now, and she thinks it's too soon between us because she doesn't know me as well as she knows him. I asked her if she has a problem with anything about me so far, and, other than my slight temper, she said no. So we basically talked all night about how as long as I treat her well and continue to be a good friend, she will still go out with me at some point. This is the only girl I've been attracted to in the past several years. The flings I had years ago were sexual in nature. I never really enjoyed talking to them, I just wanted them... ya know lol. With this girl, I've enjoyed just talking to her. I haven't imagined doing anything with her except put my arm around her and go out. There are two other girls who are interested me, but they don't do it for me. I've been meeting new people every day, but this one girl is all I think about. And now, it's extremely awkward when we're together. I'm doing my best to act like a friend, but inside I'm crying. I feel like I'm holding back in every situation with her because I don't want to come off like I'm still interested. It doesn't feel comfortable at all, and it sucks because all I want to do is be with her. I see her all time - church, intramurals, nightly meetings, and whatever else RA work entails. I can't get away from her... if I could, this would be a lot easier. My question is... what should I do? I hate the idea of waiting around, but at the same time, it's not working as just friends. It's simply too weird for me. This other guy is just someone she's "seeing", it's not close to boyfriend girlfriend level. Also, he lives far away, so I have the advantage of location. If I keep coming on semi-strong, attempting to show her who I am, get to know eachother a little better, is it possible I can win her over? I want it to work so badly, but I don't want to put my heart into something that's pointless. This really, really sucks. I'm trying my best to forget her, but it's impossible.
let her go. she's as conflicted as a woman can be. it's not about losing, it's about letting go. this is YOUR journey, i can't explain her's. i TOTALLY understand your frustration, having been there before myself. mixed messages and such. you're close, but no cigar. she knows it, you know it, and it's painful but true. close doesn't hit the bullseye, it just hits next to it. it's okay. and just maybe, once you've grown a bit more, once she's grown a bit more, and you've let her find her way, you may become the ultimate best of friends and perhaps lovers. or not. maybe you'll just be a very strong memory to each other.
^^ agreed it sounds like she doesnt really knwo what she wants, other than that shes not ready for a serious relationship. shes trying to spare you the true pain of an attempt at a relationship that will invariably fail at this stage. take that gift and move on, at least for the next while, until you are both simultaneously ready for one another (if it ever happens)
