My spell check is fucked so don't correct my grammar, please. Tell me what you think about it. Introduction: On May 16, 1968, 381 people met on the grass of the local park. They all met to share love and peace. This is the story of Tina Lyne. Tina is 18 years old. She had once lived in Oregon with her parents, but not anymore. When the others started to organize, she knew what she was to do. Chapter 1: The second I heard the other brothers and sisters started getting together, I started thinking. The only thing I could do then was run to Roy’s house. Roy’s my boyfriend. We’ve been going steady for about seven months now. He lives right down the street from me which is totally groovy. As I ran to his house, the only thing I could think of was his beautiful face. Once I got there, Roy held me close as if we were inseparable. I hadn’t seen Roy in a full month! (He went on vacation with his parents.) During the embrace, I decided to tell Roy about my idea to get everyone together for a demonstration. I told him exactly how we were going to get on the news and share this with everyone. I was going to get on the air and ask everyone (mainly the hippies) to come to San Francisco to experience peace and love in a way that would bend your mind. I then asked Roy if we could drop everything and drive to San Francisco in his van. Roy told me, like the darling man he is, we could go, just not now. He said if we left now, my parents would have the pigs after us in ten minutes flat. I knew he was right. He always is. His next words were: “We’ll leave tomorrow.” That night, I decided to stay with Roy. He thought it might be nice to go to the park near the woods. We walked slowly, hand in hand, longing for another embrace. Once I got in the van, he sped off. We got to the woods in just a few minutes. Once there Roy, said he had a treat for me, he handed me a sugar cube he called a “chunk o’ Heaven.” He said, “There’s nothing else like this baby, nothing around for miles.” So, I gobbled it up. Little did I know at the time, there was more than just sugar on this sugar cube. Roy had given me a treat with the chemical LSD in it. The second after I swallowed the cube, I knew something was off. I’d eaten sugar cubes before but this one had a strange after taste. I asked Roy what was different about this cube, and he immediately told me. He said, “Dear, there is LSD on those sugar cubes. Now sit back, look at the stars, and free your mind…” At that moment, my world began to change. I saw the Queen of Summer wipe the stars from the sky. I saw colors that I’ve never seen before. I was ‘touched’ in a way that no one person or thing could make me feel. I looked over at Roy and whispered to him, “Make love to me, Roy.” He looked a bit shocked by my request, so he asked, “Are you sure this is what you want, Babe?” “More than I’ve ever been about anything, Love!” I replied. This special evening as we two exchanged the vows of lovers, under the beautiful moon lit sky, I conceived Roy’s first-born daughter, Sierra Anne. Chapter 2: The next morning I awoke to the song of my brother and sister birds celebrating life. I looked to my left to see Roy’s beautiful face, but alas, he wasn’t there. I was a bit startled by this. I looked to my right and still, he was not to be found. I got up and grabbed my blouse and bell-bottoms. After I put them on, I walked over to Roy’s van and I saw a note taped to the side of the door. The note Roy had left me said: “Dear, I walked over to the pond across from the gas station. I’m hoping to get us some fish for breakfast. It might not be eggs and bacon, but it’ll do.” I thought to myself for a second how sweet it was, and then I realized, he’s going to be killing my family! I was shocked that I would actually allow this at first! I looked around and saw no gas station. Then I remembered the station on 35th and 2nd. I started running as fast as I could. I ran all the way down 35th past Julie’s house and past Rex’s house. By the time I got to the gas station, I could barley breath. I looked across the road, and there was Roy, sitting on the dock, fishing. I screamed as loud as I could, “ROY! Stop killing my brothers and sister NOW!” He looked as though he had no idea what was going on. I ran over to him (as quickly as someone who just ran their fastest a quarter of a mile could) and told him to stop fishing, again. He asked why and I told him immediately “ Because they are my brothers and sisters! The Creator made them to live just as She made me to live!” Roy looked down in deep though, pulled his rod out of the water, and apologized to me for what he had been doing. I sat down next to Roy and he kept telling me how sorry he was that he didn’t realize this fact before hand. I told my love about how my experience last night had changed a lot of things for me. I explained how I now believed that we all (all living creatures) deserve the chance to live. Human beings can live life without eating meat, and that it just what I planned on doing. After Roy kissed my gently on the lips, I took the fish that he had already killed and buried them beside the dock. I said a little prayer for my siblings as I laid them to rest in our sweet Mother Earth. Roy stood up, reached out for my hand and looked into my eyes. As I rose to meet him, I saw deep into his eyes. He looked like a little puppy that had just been swatted for peeing inside the house. I stroked his cheek, kissed him on the forehead, and said, “Let’s go…” Chapter 3 The second we hit I-95, I realized something. We were leaving without money, clothing, food, or shelter! I asked Roy what we were going to do for money, and Roy said we’d make things to sell. I had no idea what he meant. He then told me to grab the big in the back of the van. I jumped in the back, grabbed his knapsack, and got back into the passenger’s seat. I reached inside the bag and something poked me. My finger started to trickle blood and a drop of blood feel onto the head of a hand carved wooden dragon. I still wasn’t too sure what this was, so I looked around the bag a bit more. When I picked up a very colorful bandana, Roy said, “This woman that had a booth in the mall in Washington taught me to make that. She called it tie-dye.” It was amazing. It had almost as many colors in it as I had seen the night before. I continued looking through the bag and found a beautiful purse that obviously Roy had made. I don’t mean to say that as it wasn’t good, because, it was. It just looked rushed. I also found a book in there by some guy names Abbie. It seemed very hateful. I’m sure this fellow was very angry. He seemed like he wanted anarchy in the United States. That didn’t make much since to me. While I was digging through the bag, I found some paintings and some hand-rolled cigarettes. I didn’t know Roy smoked. It seems there are a few things I didn’t know…
there is no tension, no passion in your story. and it is movie too fast you have to slow it down like the instead of going straight to 9 months after the lsd thing you should describe the pain and how the delt with the new baby. plus how was it born,(nathural) and where(in a pond, a stream, a hospital). you have to imagen that the readers dont know what your talking about dont let them think that much make them read, and think at the same time never think or read. THe story is too perfect there has to be some problems like when Roy is fishing dont let hn just understand and that is it no you have to make it confuse him, plus if Roy and Tina be different people. it will also be better if you show how tina and roy met and why they fell in love remeber relationships arnt perfect and the ones that are dont always last. They should be different, Tina is the hippie, and Roy is a catholic(or whatever religion) man and doesnt believe in free love. BEcuase if there is no problems who would want to read the book. I am also writing a book about my parents divorce and other obsitclas in life. but please take my opinions to heart. bye bye
Oh, I see what you're saying. But it doesn't skip nine months, that's just a note. Kinda. But, thanks for your opinions. I'm deffinatley going to work on this piece more. Thanks a lot, brother. Peace
Well, it's not a 'note' per sae. It's more of foresight than anything. It's to let you know that she concieved a daughter that night.
I defintely think this could be a great strory if you put some more passion into it. more details. Other wise good job man!
oh yeah my frined on hip forums(shalt remain nameless) toldme that this story suck really bad and it was funny how horrible it was but alot more passion i mean it seems almost to perfect so i knida(no fully or near as bad) agree
