it just does. we dont connect. we dont have sex. we arent nice to each other. whenever he's at home, i try to avoid him. it's bad. it's getting worse too. i used to be in a good mood when he wasnt around. and it was just when i was exposed to his awefulness that i felt like crap. but now... i. feel. like. crap. all. the. time. it just never goes away. i like to think that i've changed and grown as a person. i'm a lot mellower than i used to be. calmer, more serene. less materialistic, more spiritual, more grounded. he's still the same. i think i might have outgrown him. can that happen? we dont seem to want the same things out of life now. i dont really have anyone else. i dont make friends easily and i havent really wanted to have anyone around this insanity (he belittles me constantly, and i cant stand to have that happen around other people). i'm estranged from my family. so, leaving would mean being totally alone. and i read this thing that seemed to apply to my situation. it was a theory that basically said that we choose the same people to be with over and over again. like the same personality. so if i ended my marriage, i'd probably end up with someone exactly like my now-husband anyways.
i do not agree that we choose the same personality over and over again in all circumstances.. thing is we still are often attracted to the same things so it is very easy to fall into that trap.. it doesnt mean that you will or cannot learn from it and move on to better things. ... im not a marriage councelor.. i do not really know much depth on your situation.. but there are a couple of options for you here.. either open yourself more up to your husband and try to refind the things that you loved him (love him) for and try to turn this situation around.. which can only happen if he is also willing to open up communication and listen to you... or move on. if he is destructive to your self esteem and puts you down and does not listen and communicate with you then you have a problem.. it could be that he has not yet found out what it means to truly love someone. these actions are not a part of love. on the other hand if you do believe he loves you .. maybe he has problems with his own self esteem. have you tried counceling? ok that sounds like a cliche peice of advice but im just curious... anyway, only you can decide whats right for you... if that means turning this relationship around for the good then that is a two way street and he also has to be willing to make some changes ... change always starts with you though. if this no longer seems like an option... then by no means stay in a relationship that brings you down just for the sake of staying or having someone. find out exactly what changes you yourself need to make in order to be happy and make them. if you are happy the way you are... you cannot change him... he has to want to.. if you know that this relationship is bad for you and you want out of it.. then get out.. trust your gut. do not stay because you are worried you will fall into the same trap.. get out of it.. but learn from this experience . i wish the very best for you.
