my husband hates my dreads :(

I've had them about 2/3months now. I thought long and hard about getting them and my knew my husband didn't want me to. I thought he'd like them on me when I got them and I thought I wouldn't care what he thought because I was stuck on having them. But he doesn't like them at all. It makes me feel sad because I feel like they're a part of me and we can sometimes argue about them. Like today he was about to put on this orange hoody that I don't realli like so I was like, 'why not put the blue one on' and we had a dumb argument him bringing up that he can change clothes but I can;t change my hair and he's 'stuck' looking at them. I don't know what to do! I love my dreads and plan on having them for a long time but it does affect me that he doesn't like them. I thought they'd just grow on him but apparantly he just 'doesn't like them on girls'. I'd do anything for him, I love him. I told him I'd grow them out but I know that can't even happen! I don't know what to do

 

I dont wanna sound rude but if he doesnt love those beautiful locks, then He has issue's cause i would kill for my wife to have dreads anyday!!! Sometime's you just cant change someone's point of view, it sux to hear you both arque over something as simple as dreads, dont let this be a reason to get rid of your locks, truthfully, If the man married you, he should love you no matter what your hair looks like, im married and my wife loves when i have dreads!!! Either way just blow off any rude comments andkeep living thru your personal dread experiance, i know its tough when your married, but shit live life for you not others, as long as you love your dreads, the rest dont matter, hubby or not, its still your choice.

 

I think Sativa has a good point. My wife was the one that put my dreads in, and she isnt their biggest fan (I think the four straight days fo 8 hour dreading sessions might have turned her against them more than they made her attached to them, lol). She is pretty cool about it, but I know she misses me looking clean and crisp like I did when we met like 7 years ago.

Your dreads are awesome. I wish they were on my lady, seriously.

When me and my lady have some problems that fall into this category, we have to draw certain boundaries. What I mean by this is, her hair and my hair for instance are not issues that we discuss in terms of judging one's choices. My hair is my hair and her hair he her hair. Truth be told, I prefer her hair short (just to her chin) in one of those bobbed hair styles. She is growing her hair out--and she can do that. I put in dreads--and she cant really say anything. I think it is important that couples allow each other enough independence to be themselves--not every decision should have to consider the aestetic sensibilities of one's partner.

The same attitute that inspired me to have dreads is the very attitude that my wife loves about me--regardless of how she sometimes feels about the dreads. The same is probably true in your case. Have an honest talk with him about it. I am sure he loves you enough that your hair isnt going to be that much of an issue. If you clear the bullshit and have an honest conversation with him along the lines of what I have been talking about, I am sure he will be reasonable enough to not press the issue.

If the issue is still pressed, I would imagine there are more worries than just the dreadies.

Hope things go well. Keep strong, and rock those dreadies if you really want.

 

Part of marriage is about compromise, he should learn to except you for the way you are Your perfect, so don't change
Just a random Q, the lush bars... do they work as well as bronners at creating natural bumps and loops etc?
It will be ok
Alex

 

thanx for the responses guys he still loves me obviously and finds me attractive he just does not like my hair! it's so freaking annoying >.<
it is difficult when your married though. he's not making me get rid of them and he didn't tell me not to when I was deciding whether or not to...he just told me what he thought of them and I decided to still go ahead with them. I would feel so sad if I took them out I suppose he should just like them because they make me feel happy and are not harming anyone or costing us a load of money! The complete opposite in fact.
At the end of the day it is just hair. I have learned soo much in the short two months I've had them too. mew

 

I think that pretty much settles it. If it would make you sad, then you better leave them in.

If he isnt acting out, it isnt that big of a problem. If he really, truly doesnt like them then you will notice him acting out as you continue to rock those dreads. If that isnt the case, then it isnt an issue.

Don't let yourself fall into co-dependency. You need to learn to be happy with your hair on your own terms, don't let his feeling about them define how you feel.

It shows that you are very concerned and invested in him that you are letting his thought on them affect you. However, don't let it extend to the point where you are compromising things you like about yourself because of this anxiety. You feel me?

BTW, I am sitting here working (or more accurately trying not to work) on my graduate thesis and catching a cloud. So excuse me if I am verbose.

 

remind him that if he doesnt liuke the dreads then hes welcome to walk away
because theres dozens of other guys in line waitting to take his place

maybe not the best advice but its true..

 

I can't fathom anyone not loving those locks. My brain can't even process that.

My husband was really skeptical about me going dreadly, especially since it came outta no where. But after a few months, he thought they were the best thing ever.

 

My husband honestly does not like dreads but he loves mine but that has come with time. Perhaps he you involve him in the process of upkeep like when you wash them in the shower (maybe make it imtimate hehe) he would be more reseptive. My hubbby has actually gotten to the point where he wont go to sleep w/o his fingers intwined in my locks, but like i said that took time. And for the most part he doset like dreads he thinks that most ppl dont take proper care of theirs. i wish you the best and hopefully he will come around and support you in this life decsion. Good luck

 

I may be accused of playing devils advocate here but someone is going to have to compromise, and all things being equal your better off looking aesthetically pleasing to your spouse than your self. I know I wouldn't want a lass that wouldn't let me grow a beard, but if I marred one and said she wanted it shaven and there was to be no discussion of the issue, I would shave it, but I'm catholic so I take marriage quite seriously.

At the end of the day you have the opportunity to be selfless and to please your husband, and you'll be the better person for doing so.

 

*hugs*

i cant really imagine what you feel like.. the worst its ever got like this for me was when some guy said he'd never go out with me cause of my dreads.. i dont talk to him anymore =]

maybe a big ol' chatty conversation with him, about them and how you feel about them and how much you love them, is in order.. maybe he'll come round to the idea. its prolly been a huge change for him,, a baby, new hair style etc. maybe he feels left out cause yer dreads are awesome

 

I don't want to sound like an asshole but if you didn't have dreads before you married him I could understand why he's pissed.
Like, if I was dating a guy who decided mid-way through the relationship that he was going to get a purple Mohawk no matter what I said I would get pissed. Not enough to break up with him, but I would be pissed. Now if he already had the purple Mohawk I would have nothing to complain about becuase that's what he had before the relationship became serious and I knew what I was getting myself into. Am I making sense?
I don't think hair should be something to break a marriage though. Hopefully he'll get over the dreads and hopefully you'll get over his ugly ass clothes, lol.
But he might never get over it, and you got to think about choosing him or the hair. NO ONE CAN HELP MAKE THE DECISION FOR YOU, FOLLOW YOUR HEART! I've read stories of people choosing their dogs over their boyfriend/girlfriend, lol, I know I wouldn't give my ferrets up for a boy so maybe your dreads are like a pet to you.
Good luck.

 

getting rid of your hair is certainly not a compromise.

how he lives with your hair will play out in time. try to make him a part of it.

i would not unconditionally change my lifestyle to please the master.

 

i would never cut my hair to please anyone else and you shouldhnt either
the fool that said u should put your husbands wishges above your own was an idiot
that happends far too often and is why so manyt women are beatten and abused
oh he likes to hit me hes my husband so i have to lewt him...after all im catholic and take marriage seriuslyso what can poor ol me do to ebver change things
fuck that shit
i agree he will most likely get used to them and decide he really likes them over time
buit if he doesnt..then thats his fuckin problem not yours
your 1st rewsponcibility is never ever to pleasing the master but in finding happiness withinm yourself
you must do whjat makes u happy
if you cut your haitrr to please him, wouldnt the regret affect the whole marriage? would u still feel the same about hjim if he made you give up an important part of your life?
i know hews an important part too ofcourse, but your in no way trying to give him up to keep your hair, thgat choice is his alone
if he loves you he can love you no matter what your hair looks like
imagine if the issue wasnt hair but something else effecting your looks.. imagine if you were burned in a fire or lost a limb
if thge loves dependent on the way you look then the loves more lust then anything else
and looking the way you look lust will be easy to find
but love respects the inner you as much as outter
sop your happiness should be more important then his shallow tastes and prefferences

 

I agree. Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

No need to say so much, he will get used to it and might even like them in a couple months.

 

So now her husband is being compared to women beaters.
Nice.
He's not a monster for not liking dreads. Let's not compare a guy who dislikes dreads to an asshole who beats his girlfirned into a bloody pulp. It's NOT the same thing.
Now everyone is hating on this man and they don't even know him. Poor guy.

 

I think you should talk to your dh and ask him what it is he doesn't like. Explain to him what they mean to you. And do all this without any kind of sarcasm or guilt-inducing tactics. Get real with him. And bring it up at an opportune time when things are good and happy, yk? Once you two understand each other on a fundamental level then the options you have will become more clear. If you can relate to how he feels and he can understand how you feel then surely you guys can come to an understanding and/or agree to disagree. Good luck, try not to let it get you down, it'll all work out!

 

i certainly was not comparing him to a wife beatter otr hating on him..lux is a good freind and i know they have a good relationship asnd hes a good person
what i was saying wasnt about him at all but about the guy saying she should give up what she wantsto please him
its that attitude that i was against.. that shes just a woman her opinions dont matter only the man of the house should get what he wants
i was not saying anything abnout her husband at all
only about that guys comment
the idea that she should give up her hapopinness to please her man..even if his reasonings are petty
i was speaking out against the idea that only his opinions matter and she should do anything to bend to his will

her responcibility idss to be happy with herself
and his is to be understanding and supportive of what makes her happy

 

Oh, ok.
I know some chicks get eating disorders for their guy but I got confuse by the wife beating part, I'm like "Wait, whaaaa?" If it got to the point where he got verbally abusive for no reason over the dreads I would worry then. But it seems like he is having trouble adjusting to things which is why I pitied him.
And orange hoodies are awesome :]