my hair vs. my girlfriend

i apologize in advance for the rambling, but any help would be very much appreciated :cheers2:

okay, so recently i have just been fascinated by dreads and what they stand for and i have finally decided that they're something i want. a few days ago i began rubbing my hair clockwise over the course of about 2 days. the result was a very nice start and i already had some nice dreads forming. however, once my girlfriend came over to hang out she was a little shocked and (long story short) we ended up combing my hair.

today i had a very long conversation on the subject with her. she has the idea in her head that dreads will look awful on me, they will be dirty, people will think i'm "weird", ect. i countered and explained what this style means to me; the spiritual freedom, the rebellion against the evils in society and the like. she then asked why i need dreadlocks for this statement and is convinced its just a trend, "why does your hair have to be nasty everyday for a reason that people don't even know about?" i then said it is more for the personal gain and well-being. all-in-all we really didn't make any progress.

am i being unreasonable?

i just don't think she understands the significance of dreadlocks. it really isn't just a hairstyle, it's a lifestyle.

mind you, i love my girlfriend to death. this is one of the only things we seem to disagree on (aside from drug use).

what do you think i should do? she said she really doesn't care what i do, she just doesn't understand the whole ordeal. how can i make her understand and maybe even realize the beauty behind dreadlocks?

anywhoo, here are some pictures of yours truly with my natural hair.
http://img162.imageshack.us/img162/5985/08060822311copyms3.jpg
http://img379.imageshack.us/img379/6696/roarrjl5.jpg
i've read up about starting dreads quite extensively but any further advise/motivation would be nice haha.

 

you can have clean dreads
it's easy

(just don't use wax)

 

maybe try to explain to her why they are for personal gain and well-being?

 

and if she doesn't like the natural part try going un-natural

 

thats what i tried to explain, she just doesn't believe it.

I tried, she didn't really respond so i'll just bring it up again.

I would prefer natural.

 

natural is the cleanest and best method . .

 

but she is probably not liking the frizziness of natural dreads and would like it rolled more organized

 

i think whatever way i decide to go, she just won't understand.

it isn't so much how to get them, but explaining to her the why.

 

try to pull the guilt trip on her..like do you not like the way i am? are trying to change me?

 

ok. there are people that get it, and people that dont. the thing about dreads is it is quite unexplainable how it changes your world at all times, when you start all the way to the finished head, which is never finished. it just keeps morphing and changing as every day passes. a lot of people (like your gf) wont get it. do your hair as you wish, and hope she can make the journey with you. express to her frequently how your hair changing is affecting you. who knows, it may bring you closer.

my ex of many years never got dreads. i didnt do them until he moved out. my only regret is not having them earlier. my life has changed a million times for the better, and i believe my hair had a lot to do with it.

and im an old person! haha. you are so young! if you want to now, you will never stop wanting dreads. and with that curl, youll be locked up in no time!

good luck

 

I think she needs to respect what you need/want to do. Especially if its you.

 

I think a) you're gonna look awesome with dreads. From the look of the pictures, I think it'll be hawt, but of course I'm biased. I love dreads! My initial thought is FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDRSTANDS YOUR LOVE FOR DREADS but I do know from experience how people can love their partner and yet not like choices they may want to make. You just need to be honest...I think (leading on) you will resent it if she holds you back from getting something you want. In the end, if she's would rather you two broke up than you be happy, then maybe it's time to call it a day. I'm thinking of this as the principal of the issue, rather than the dreads themselves.

Girls'd be queuing up....

Lots o luck
x

 

thank you. i know i'm going to regret it if i end up letting other people control me/my hair.

she is just worried that i am changing too much. you're right also, i am pretty young (17) and from what i understand it is very typical for people to shape their beliefs and just evolve as a person at this stage in life.

she was talking yesterday about how much i've changed over the past year (since we've started dating). i'm very open about animal rights, my disagreement with organized religion and i'm apparently interested in new different things. i guess the hair just kinda set her off. however, she has changed just as much as i have so the argument is kind of obsolete. i feel like we have both matured for the better, but it is a personal issue of hers where she finds it difficult to accept change.

yea i agree. we had a chat this morning and by the looks of it she's totally cool with it as long as it is what will make me happy.

thanks. here i'll post the text i received this morning:

"i'm sorry about yesterday. i was in a reallll bad mood and i basically just took it out on you. i could nottt care less what you do. i love you very very much and i always will. no matter what. so me being mean to you was really not fair and i am really really really sorry."

hopefully she is now a little more acceptant of my choices.

 

she'll learn to love em as much as u do.. if she doesntr and if it becomes a big enough idssue that shed leave ya over em then therres definately some1 better for ya whod be more understanding

 

yea totally.

but on a side-note what do you think the best way to go about getting dreadlocks with my hairstyle? neglect? back-comb? i understand you're one of the more educated people on the subject

 

i preffer neglect and ypour hair would dread beautifuly naturaly

although it will be lil slower and look lil messier at 1st this may not be the best for your gorlfreind but for you for a really spiritual connection through your journey id suggest the natural way is the best
but discuss it wioth her if shed be unconfurtable with em bein lil messy for months u nmauy opt for backcombing or twist n rip to get em started just dont fall into the products trap and especialy avoid wax

if she can handle the neglect method though and it taking lil extra time id really suggest that at the very least id leave em to do theyre thing awhile and see how it goes if u change your mind and decide to r&t or backcomb somewhere down the line its fine
but chances are you'll fall in love with the natural processand not wanna disturb it

 

me and my hubby both have dreads and they mold your life, in all ways. Good luck with your dread journey. you have the perfect hair to dread! Go natural!!

 

alrighty thanks alot

i'm gunna try neglect and see where it takes me, i'm so excited haha

thank you

 

Ummm interestingly enough my hair dreaded faster when I washed it than when I didn't. That's probably the most common misconception people have about dreads, is that people with em don't wash them. The only reasons my dreads get dirty is when I cannot wash them (no available shower etc..) or when I'm in the forest for a while (which is usually when I cannot wash em).

It's your hair, not hers so go for it and prepare for one crazy journey.

 

I didn't read your whole post, but do what you want to do and don't let anyone try to tell you how to live your life. If she really loves you, then she will be ok with you growing dreadlocks. and if she doesn't like and she leaves you for something as petty as your HAIR,...well then I'm sure you can find somebody who is less concerned with vanity. just grow them and I'm sure she will come around.