my gf hit me

with a barrage of punches.

I just calmy sat there, didn't even stand up and just held up my arm to block her punches.

can't believe that happened and I am the jackass?

I couldn't help her with her taxes. no matter how many times I calmly told her "I don't know how to do those things" or "I send that shit to my mom to do" or "I have no clue" she kept pestering me. I finally said "Look, I have no fucking clue how to do this. I don't even use that form!"

plus earlier, I popped in, saw she was on the phone and said "okay, I'll go back out than" and left her alone to talk to her mom..

I guess she took issue with that since I didn't say hello or whatever like I usually do.

we got in a big agrument, screams were made on her part, she hit me, tossed a chair and slammed the door behind her. she walked out to start dinner and gave me two middle fingers as she walked by and told me to sleep on the couch (despite the fact that my mother gave me the double bed we sleep on, but I didn't say that to her).

She also came in while I was cooking and I said "your physical attacks make any arguement moot, resulting to physical abuse points towards someone who has run out of any arguement. and said "Due to a langauge barrier, all I can do is hit you or toss a chair." and also "I just want to beat you"

I was responded calmly and continued to chop my veggies..she said she just wanted to push them on the floor. and she said "you suck." She compared me to her friends BF (as if that is fair or logical) and said I am never romantic anymore.

I guess I can be sorry for not coming in longer, I guess I was a little annoyed that she was on my computer using skype so I left so she could talk. I like to come home and just put on some music and chill for a while.

I did fail to help her on her taxes, I was abrupt and did not feel like helping her...I can barely be bothered to do it myself, I don't get it..I have tried...But she doesn't get that and got more and more pissed.

I would apologize it, but she won't. she thinks I owe her one. I won't admit to being 100% wrong, no way! Hitting and swiping things off my desk, tossing things, etc is uncalled for.

The other day I was trying to look for money my teacher had given me for class for a special activity. I COULD NOT find it. I went nuts looking for it. Normally I don't care about money...But this was money someone else (who probably cares more about money) trusted me with. Finally, we thought to look in her wallet...ooops there it was. Now what happened, is she took all her money out on the table to count and sort for laundry / bills/ to see how much she had. When she put her money back in, she took everything on the table, including the money I had left on the table. I put it on the table so I would not lose it, or spend it accidently, outside of my wallet. Apparently this is MY FAULT!!! It is my fault I am not oraginzed (for leaving it on the table). If I don't leave it there, where the hell am I supposed to leave it?! It was out of my wallet on purpose! I do tend to lose shit, so she used the failure to be oraginzed against me and actually doesn't give me all the money the teacher had given me for creating stress (which, yes I did create stress, I admit.) Now she is trustworthy with money, pays exactly half with rent, bills, food, etc, but that one was bogus! She tried to punish ME for that incident. She is stubborn. I am too, but damn, we butt heads to much.

Uggghhh, shit like this, I am at whits end.

 

no matter what you've done, the hitting and throwing stuff is completely out of line. i'd never put up with it. you shouldn't either. people who lay a finger on me in anger never see me again. period.

 

well, what added to her anger, was the fact that I was laughing..not so much because things were funny..but at the ridiculousness of the situation..and I was kind of laughing at the beginning of her attack..but again, not because this was funny, but how crazy things were going / nervous laugh. If that makes sense.

We are together in this apartment until the middle of June. She is not from here and would have no where else to go unless she went back to her country early.

I just want things to be better. we do get along very well and have a lot of fun when things are clicking. But she has an explosive temper like a raging bull for such a small girl.

 

soooo why are you interested in dating her?

neither of you two seem to like the other very mcuh

 

you're making excuses for her and tolerating it, so you can expect it to get worse.

 

I am trying to be fair to both of us in describing the situation here, not making excuses...maybe it comes off like that though.

But, trust me, I am stubborn and do not back down when I feel she is wrong and I am not when it is the two of us.

Allonym, We have been dating for two years - so there is a lot to like, but like I said it can get hot headed, like two buffalo's butting heads.

 

WHOA...

Don't put up with that shit...whether or not she's from this country, you don't and shouldn't put up with it. That's ridiculous, unnecessary, and uncalled for. You deserve better than that.

She needs to go to anger management or something, or this relationship is never going to work out. She's lucky you're not one of those shitty ass guys that would hit back...though I wouldn't blame you all that much if you did.

My guy would flip if I ever did something like that. Though, I'm not sure that I am capable of that...I question her mental stability at this point, cuz I'm not the calmest person in the world and I'd never do something like that to my man.

 

i suggest you listen to everything that has been posted so far. from what i have read i cant understand why you would want to be with her. there are LOTS, i repeat, LOTS of AMAZING women out there.

 

She physically, mentally, and emotionally abused you. Don't think because you are the guy and she is the girl that this was not the case. I am not sure how often this happens, but I am getting the impression this was the first time she has brought the physical aspect into it. If I were you, I would tell her upfront that she needs to learn to control her anger, even if doing so means going to anger management, or this is not going to work. When someone is physically, mentally, or emotionally hurting you, you can't make excuses. As much as you want to save the relationship, you have to be honest with yourself.

 

Just as many women are the abusers in relationships as are men, it's just that men rarely report it because they are often laughed at or marginalized if their woman beats them. However, if you fight back then you are looked at as the abuser. I would suggest that maybe you guys live separately when your lease is up, and in the meantime, try to set up some boundaries. For example (I don't know the size of your apartment) if you have 2 bedrooms, set one up to be her space and one to be yours, and when you are in your space with the door shut, she is not allowed to come in, and vice versa, and respect those boundaries. Use "I" statements when you talk to her..for instance, say, "I feel hurt when you do these things," or, "I want to be happy in my own living situation, and here's what I need for that to happen." After your lease is up, I'd find separate living situations. Honestly though, dude, in your situation I'd just end the relationship. She is straight-up abusive and sounds like she has a lot of pain she can't cope with, and takes it out on you. And you enable her to do that.

 

i know this sounds bad but if she hit you you have grounds to hit her but i wouldnt recomend it but if she just keeps bunching her again maybe give her a slap or something

 

theres shelters and cardbordboxes???

 

There's no way he should ever hit her back...two wrongs DO NOT make a right. I'd simply remove myself from the situation...let her throw shit, knock holes in the walls, whatever...wait til she calms down, then come back and talk about it. If he retaliates, he's going to be seen as the abuser...no way he should do it, NO WAY.

 

i guess i only said that because if i hit i guy i think its only fair if they hit me so i better be making sure im not hitting anyone!

 

That's wrong, she is treating you badly and picking fights and accusing you of stuff for no reason. You really shouldn't put up with that, she needs to have some respect.

 

I see your point. However, men generally outweigh women, which means that we tend to hit harder. If my fiancee (who I believe will never resort to physical violence) were to punch me it would hurt. If I were to punch her back, the damage would be much greater. So how fair would it be if a 70 kg. (approximately 170 lbs.) man were to hit a 48 kg. (approximately 105 lbs.) woman because she hit him first?

 

I compleatly agree.
Men CAN be the abused in an abusive relationships,and it sounds like you are.
(in fact, I recently read there is a rise in men with abusive femal partners-worst part is that soceity doesn't support or recognize those situations the same as it does an abused women-the man himself usually does not even recognize HOW bad the abuse is because of that- but thats not here or there).

Don't make excuses for her,
don't think she will "get better" about it(without therapy),
and don't think for one second you can't just leave

 

Well I've hit my man before when I was going through tough times, I don't think hitting someone once makes that person an abuser. Kids get in fights, srangers fight, people get in fights on the streets, siblings and family members fight... this is our society, when people don't know how else to respond they get violent... I don't think, based on what he's written that she's ever done this before... was it wrong, absofuckinlutely, and he knows that, I'm sure she knows that, but that doesn't mean he's in an abusive relationship. I don't know what it is about this forum, but any relationship advice I've ever gotten in this forum was to break up with him... thank god we never took your advice hipforums.

We have seriously had to work through some serious issues, but emotional fighting and me hitting him before, did not lessen the love we have for each other... and actually my initial thought after reading the op's first message is that they do have a good relationship... the way he talks about her shows that he has a lot of respect and care for her and if you read between the lines you can see some aspects of her feelings for him. Effective communication is the bigest lesson in relationships, and fighting is necessary.

There are some male and female characteristics to conflict that you need to know... please contact me op if you'd like some detailed tips to solve your problems...

 

If my hubby got angry and hit me one(and I have been with him 9 yrs).. I would be GONE.
If I hit him in anger he would probably be gone too.

ETA- gone to therapy MIGHT save our relationship,but even one angry abusive attack,would be grounds to leave.

 

Well I think thats very silly and I think our media focused society has made us forget how to deal with people as individuals who are imperfect rather than as issues with rules but that is your choice. I'll bet my daughter and all her family that loves her are quite happy that we didn't break up because of that, otherwise she would never have been born, and these days we rarely even have a disagreement, so thank goodness for second chances and unconditional love.