my boyfriend is acting quite strange..... answers anyone??

here's the scenario:

my boyfriend and i have been together for a little over 16 months. Usually we are very affectionate, caring, and passionate about each other. the past 3 weeks, he has been acting very distant. he doesn't seem happy to see me anymore. I used to come surprise him and stop by his work or his house, and he would be really happy that i came by, and lately he just doesn't seem happy at all, i can't even get a smile out of him. His affection has significantly been toned down, and it seems as though he has no emotion. I thought that he was possibly done with me and our relationship. There i was thinking that the man i am head over heels in love with doesn't feel the same anymore. The way I am, i had to have an explanation for why he was acting the way he was acting, so I confronted him about it. He said that he felt our relationship is fine and the same as it's always been. This really freaked me out because it definitely isn't. I don't know what is wrong, i don't know if he's afraid to tell me that he's not in love with me anymore, or if there is somebody else, or even if he is just depressed about something. I've confronted him a couple of times and he just says that he thinks we are fine. I really want to get to the bottom of this. If anybody has any ideas about what may be wrong or any ways to find out what may be wrong , or if anybody has been in the same situation please give me your advice. It is greatly needed and appreciated.

thanks,
Anjilla

 

The problem is in the first sentance. You've had one partner for 16 months. You should try for 16 partners in 1 month.

 

That isnt going to help her Beyond-the-Clouds

Well to me it sounds like something IS wrong or something has changed in his life. Perhaps he's going through too much stress from work. Has an issue that you need to DEFINITELY get him to talk to you about. It could be a problem that he has in his life that is new to him and he's not telling you about it and is trying to deal with himself, it could be something in his life that will significantly affect your relationship together so therefore doesnt wish to tell you.

Has he been to the doctors recently ?

Has something happened within his family ?

Or maybe he's just depressed from work.

Try and find out more info on whats going on in his life. Talk to one of his friends or a person he works with, a family member, a person he lives with.

Or even just spend a night together at your home you making dinner and just cuddling up together. Him relaxing with you may get him talking or he might at least say something that will give you an idea of whats wrong.

Has anything changed in his life recently in the past 3 weeks ? More work hours, a greater burden of responsibility. Have you two had an arguement recently that could still be affecting him ?

 

Here is a question: What if everything is normal and he just isn't that happy to see you anymore. Is that reason enough to leave your partner? So what he isn't hugging all over you and slobbering on your face when you first greet him. Every relationship loses steam. Would you prefer him to be all giddy and not really mean it deep down? You don't need to be pleased every second of the day. Respect his fucking space or find someone else that is willing to put on a fake smile just to make your pathetic existence a good one.

 

You are right to feel troubled by this. Always listen to your gut instinct. After all, this isn't just some dude you've had a couple of dates with, you have known him for some time.


My advice is simple. Treat him like he treats you. My opinion is that there is someone else in the frame, and I suspect you feel that, too.

Take a bit of time to yourself, your other friends, and let him come to you one way or the other. Do NOT chase after him, or nag him. If it's gonna be allright, it will.

 

There could be a lot of reasons, it's true. No one knows your relationship better than you do, and I'm guessing you probably have more insight to him than most people. Sometimes feelings just change, and a person just realizes it's not working for them. Or it could be something that has nothing to do with you at all, and he's just projecting it onto. My advice would be to step back and cool off - if you give him some space, he might realize that there IS something he needs to talk about, or at least realize his behaviour is effecting you. Good luck.

 

you don't need to be so negative. Obviously you are a somebody that has never really gone through a situation like this or you would have offered some HELPFUL information. Here is my advice to you: Get a life and start giving people some respect, you are a very rude person and if you don't watch it somebody will end YOUR pathetic existence one of these days.

 

That's what I say.

 

obviously you are two very juvenille males


just to clear this up, so that losers do not respond like this anymore, i am not worried about the relationship losing steam, I am worried about the reason it is losing steam. If our relationship loses steam that's fine , but he started acting like that out of the blue and i want to know the reason why.

 

Hey assclown, I'm in a 10 year relationship with two kids and we are the most faithful couple you will ever hear from. You have problems dealing with truth and will be left behind in this world. Keep living that hippy dream, have fun inhaling my dust bia bia.

 

i pity your wife and kids

 

hey girly, I can totally relate to you. Last summer my boyfriend started acting funny and it made me really upset because he used to do all these sweet things for me all the time. It was really confusing! He seemed like he could care less one way or the other wether or not we were together. It hurt me terribly and I cried just about every night. After continuously asking him what was up, I just couldn't take it anymore when he kept replying "I dunno, nothing is wrong." So I ended it. We split for about a month, and let me tell you, every day it killed me inside because I knew how wonderful this boy truly was and is. Finally a month later I called him and after some time apart he got out of his funk ( which he still to this day wont explain) and now we are together again. That split we took was the best possible thing we could do. It is hard, and it hurts, and every day it was difficult not to call him, but in the long run it was worth it. This boy needs a wake up call because you do not deserve to be treated with such apathy towards a relationship that means the world to you. If he truly cares about you, he will come around. Some men (not all!) are not as good at talking about their feelings because they were brought up not to. I know you don't want to hear this, but he probably needs some time to get himself in check and realize that if he doesnt straighten up he is going to lose a beautiful wonderful loving women. And hey, if he doesn't come to his senses, you sound like an AMAZING girlfriend that any and every guy would be lucky to have. But realize that if you don't step back from this relationship and give it space, and you just keep prying and pushing by asking him whats wrong, your only going to push him away. Long term gratification is key here. Good luck darlin

 

hey, i don't know how old you are, but when i was younger, when a girlfriend of mine showed that she completely loved me, it would completely turn me off, kind of a "now what am i working for" kind of a thing...it's kind of risky, but if you would act a little distant from him, would he show more interest? then maybe you could ask him!

 

Well, I would guess that he is happy and secure in your relationship. He is pleased to see you, but it doesn't hit him as hard as it used to. Thus, no beaming face when you enter the room. Earlier, he was thinking "OH WOW, there she is, I'm so glad and so lucky that she's with me." Now he thinks, "Oh, there she is." He is still as glad and happy to be in the relationship, but it has become a part of his life. Its not special, its regular. The love and joy have not decreased, the novelty has.

The next time you talk to him about this, you might want to say "A relationship is between two people. If I say that there is a problem in ours, then by definition, there is a problem in our relationship. I want us to find out what that problem is and figure out how to fix it."

 

well i confronted him about it today and he tells me he thinks we should see other people

he says that we are too young to have a relationship of 16 months and that he wants to see what else is out there

he is a total fucking hipocrite because he's the one that told me that he didn't care how young we were, that he wanted this relationship to last and that he wanted to be with me for life

so much for that huh?

anyways, later he told me that he already had another girl in mind, but then he told me that he promised he wouldn't do anything with her and he begged me to trust him, he then said that everything would be ok and that it would work itself out. What do you guys think that this means?

 

actually i was thinking that exact thing

he's just playing stupid childish games with me.

 

i appreciate the positive responses from all of you. they have really helped me to embrace this time apart. i'm hoping that we will get back together. we had kind of split one other time and he begged me to take him back the next day...lol. anyways this will definitely take longer than a day but i am confident that once i let him romp off the leash he will come back if he truly feels for me what i feel for him.

 

As you now realise, your gut instincts were right. It isn't so much 'time apart' that will bring him back, more realization of what he is missing? Are you with me, here? In other words, you must 'act' - even if you feel otherwise - that this idea of his - to see other people - is just great, in fact you wish you'd thought of it! Be the first to be out and about with your friends, having a good time, and being seen chatting to other young dudes, and make sure this gets back to him.

You must learn to 'read between the lines' when men say something like that. You are absolutely right when you say men do not like to discuss relationships, even when they are going great! What he is saying, though, is this; 'I am not too sure I want to still see you because I am far too 'sure' of your attraction for me, and you think I am just wonderful, which I must be, so I am going to see how many other chicks my 'wonderfulness' can attract.....IF you let me behave this way, that is!

Do, not let him behave that way. He is taking you for granted, not in a cruel or nasty way, but that IS what he is doing. Recognise this and do NOT put up with it. Ok? Two can play at that game, so show him that other dudes will find you just as attractive and interesting as chicks will find him. SHow him that he clearly fancies himself more than he realises and that - as I suspect - it is YOU that will be the object of more admiration than him.

 

I had kinda the same sitch as luvah. Except he and I split for almost a year. It sucks and it hurts like hell, but somethimes it's the best thing. Not saying there's any certain time frame that works better, that just depends on you 2. Then, if you can make it work, great. If not, you've already proven to yourself that life CAN and WILL go on without him, and vice versa. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but the right thing to do often is.
Also, although i may not agree with everything said in this thread, relationships DO tend to calm down and become more mellow and laid back after you've been together for a while. Sometimes it's hard not to take that personally but it happens to the hottest relationships. It may take a while to get used to, but it's often the best part of a relationship. It's when you can be most comfortable with your partner, and you can really grow as friends as well as lovers.

 

RE: anyways, later he told me that he already had another girl in mind, but then he told me that he promised he wouldn't do anything with her and he begged me to trust him, he then said that everything would be ok and that it would work itself out. What do you guys think that this means?

She hasn't slept with him yet and he's not sure she will, so he's keeping you as a backup.

Dump him.