Joseph Smith lived in a little American town in the early 1800s. Joseph Smith was called a prophet Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb He started the Mormon religion Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Blacksmith: There goes that kooky Joseph Smith Customer: You know, he claims he spoke with God and Jesus. Woman: Well, how do you know he didn't? Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Joseph Smith was called a prophet- Butler: Hey, Joseph! I told my wife that you spoke with God and Jesus, and she didn't believe it. Smith: Well it's true. I did. Wife: Where? Smith: I was out in the woods, praying, I was asking God if I should be a Protestant, or a Catholic, or what? And suddenly God and Jesus appeared before me. And they said I should start my own church, because none of the others had it right. And that's exactly how it happened. Butler: You see? You believe it now? Wife: Well yeah, sure. Why would he make that up? Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Many people believed Joseph Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb And that night he-ee saw an angel Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Smith: And please bless Mother and Father, and please keep our bellies full of yum-yums and luscious goodies. AAAHH! Oh my gosh! Angel: I am Moroni. I am a Native American. Smith: A... Native American? But your skin is white. Moroni: Yes. Long ago all Native American were white. We all came to America from Jerusalem. And while we were here we were visited by Christ. Smith: Jesus live here in America? Moroni: Yes. Eventually, my people were all killed by the other tribe of Israel, and as punishment, God turned their skin red. These are the Native Americans you know today. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Moroni: There is an ancient book buried near here, written on gold plates that account my people's lives. Also buried with the book are two seer stones, the Urim and Thummim, which will allow you to translate the writings. Find it, and fulfill your destiny. Smith: Wooww... Joseph Smith was called a prophet Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb ____________________________________________________________ Why did he believe that Native Americans are actually white people from Jerusalem? Gary Sr.: Well, because they found ancient books they had written on gold plates, right where the angel Moroni said they would be. Smith: I found them! I found them! You're not gonne believe it, everybody! I found them! Butler: Found what? Smith: Another New Testament of Jesus Christ! People: What? What did he say? Are you crazy? Smith: Last night, a Native America angel told me where I could find another testament of Jesus Christ, so I went out to the woods. I dug around all morning where the angel had told me to look. Smith: Maybe there isn't anything out here. Wait a tick! What's this? Wow... Smith: Inside the stone box, I found the magical seer stones. Under that, I found four gold plates written in strange writing. Smith: This must be the Gospel that Jesus told the Nephites! Smith: Well, they were the most amazing things I'd ever gazed upon. Man: Well, so where are they? Smith: Where are what? Woman: The gold plates and the seer stones. Where are they? Smith: Oh. Oh, well, I... was not allowed to take them. You see, after I found the plates, the angel Moroni appeared to me again and said that I am not allowed to show the plates, or the seer stones, to anybody. Because first I must translate what's written on the plates into English, so you can all read it! Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb People: Wow, amazing! He found the stones and golden plates Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Even though nobody else ever saw them Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb ________________________________________________________________ Stan: What happened after he found the golden plates buried in the ground? Gary: Well, he kept them hidden from everyone like he was told. And then he translated what was written on the plates into the Book of Mormon. Stan: Yeah, but... how? Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Man: What's this all about, Mr. Smith? Smith: Mr. Harris, can you keep a secret? Harris: Well, sure I can. Smith: I have, in my possession, an ancient book written on gold plates that tells of Jesus Christ's second coming. Here, in America. Harris: In America? Really? That sounds kind of... Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Smith: It's true. And I'm going to translate the plates and publish it into a book for the whole world to read. Now, ahah-I know you have a lot of money, Mr. Harris, and I'm just gonna need a little bit to pay for the publishing costs. Harris: Mmm, I don't know. Uh, how do you expect to translate it? Smith: With these. Harris: Rocks? Smith: They're not rocks. They're seer stones, given to me by an angel. With them, God allowed me to translate the plates into English. Watch. You take this quill and paper and write down what I say. Sit here. [on the floor, by some sheets of paper and a quill pen in an ink well] I have the golden plates here in this hat. I need to have them somewhere dark so I can read the spiritual light. Harris: Really? Smith: Now, when I put the seer stones into the hat, the ancient letter light up and change into English, which I can then read to you. Harris: Wow! Smith: Ooo, I'm seeing the light. Oh, okay. Write this down. "And... so... it... was... that... Christ... appeared before... the... Nephites." And that's how the Book of Mormon was written Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Dumb dadumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Dahumb dahumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Dumb dumb dumb dumb duuumb, duuumb. ______________________________________________________________ Gary Sr.: Well, you remember Martin Harris, the rich man who wrote down what Joseph Smith read out of the hat? Stan: Yeah. Gary Sr.: See, after he was done, he took some of the pages of what would become the Book of Mormon home. Martin went home to his wife Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb And showed her pages from the Book of Mormon Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Harris: A-and so Joseph Smith put his head into a hat, a-and read to me what the golden plates said. I wrote it all down and we're gonna publish it into a book. Mrs. Harris: Martin, how do you know he isn't just making stuff up and pretending he's translating off golden plates? Lucy Harris smart smart smart Smart smart smart smart smart Harris: Why would he make it up? Martin Harris dumb dadumb- Lucy: All right, here. I'm gonna hide these pages. If Joseph Smith really is translating off of golden plates, then he'll be able to do it again. But if Joseph Smith is making it all up, then the new translations will be different from these. Harris: Okay, fine. I bet he'll have no problem. Lucy Harris smart smart smart Martin Harris dumb. So Martin went on back to Smith Said the pages had gone away Smith got mad and told Martin He needed to go pray Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Harris: Look, ah I'm sorry about losin' the pages we worked on, Joe, but I'm ready to write it all down again if you translate from the plates. Smith: I would love to, Martin, except, I just had a vision. And the Lord said he's very angry with me for letting you take those pages. Harris: He is?? Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb Smith: Yes. He is so mad that he will never let me translate from the plate of Lehi again. He's... we must now translate from the plate of Nephi. So it will be the same basic story, but written a little differently. Harris: Wow! If God got angry with you, then you must be tellin' the truth. Singers: Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Harris: All right, Martin. Let's get to work! Gary Sr.: And that's how it happened. Stan: ...Wait. Mormons actually know this story and they still believe Joseph Smith was a prophet? Gary Sr.: Well sure. The story proves it, doesn't it? Stan: No, it proves he DID make it all up. Are you blind? Mark: Well, Stan, it's all a matter of faith. Stan: No, it's a matter of logic! If you're gonna say things that have been proven wrong, like that the first man and woman lived in Missouri, and that Native Americans came from Jerusalem, then you'd better have something to back it up. All you've got are a bunch of stories about some asswipe who read plates nobody ever saw out of a hat, and then couldn't do it again when the translatios were hidden!
mormons are incredibley strange people...there is so much indoctrination that goes on in those churches it sickens me, especially towards the children. (they would tell us things like..."if you repent god will forgive any sin, even murder, the only sin you cant be forgiven of is denying this church, because this church is the only true church"...then they would go on and describe the horrors of hell, the place we would go if we stopped going to that church) iv spent the first 18 years of my life in a community where mormons make up at least 90-95 % of the population, and its a very scary place indeed. i spent the first 12 years of my life going to that church every sunday, because my parents are mormon...thank god i was able to free my mind and recover from that. its strange to me how anyone can be so blind of the obvious, and call it faith. its a cult and people are required (well not required but they will go to heaven and not be looked down upon by their neighbors) to give 10% of all the money they make. that church is one of the richest organizations in the world. and its ridiculous what they spent that money on...they own like half of down town salt lake city now...they even bought the mall so they could put their own ads up... utahs laws suck because all our politictions are mormons.
I agree with the generalisation of Mormons as very nice people. I did just meet a real dick of a Mormon last week but he goes down as a big exception to a hard and fast rule. Wacky beliefs though.. very much a different Jesus than the commonly understood one. Im always surprised that they are as successful as they are - considering how silly many of their beliefs are. Good peeps all around!
Some links I found... (Isn't this usually Huck's job? LOL) http://www.exmormon.org/ http://www.lds.org/ http://www.mormon.org/ http://search.yahoo.com/bin/search?p=Mormon
I have a suggestion...why don't you go to the mormon church, "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints" (make sure your not going to that branch off that has a similar name) and talk to them about it. I'm sure they would be more than happy to converse with you. The best way to find out the correct information is to go to the source. You should listen to everyone, but believing them just because they told you is just fucking stupid.
Well, seeing as I was raised Mormon, it's always interesting to hear what others think and a wee bit on the annoying side when the next question after I say I was raised in Utah, is am I mormon..which no, I am not, I have come to disagree with many of their beliefs, but that is not to say I think mormons are dumb..it's simply another religion is all.. somewhat of an "uptight" one if you ask me, but what a lot of people don't know, even some mormons themselves is all the good that the church does in the world. They have a Humanitarian Center in Salt Lake where they send all kinds of good things out in the world-blankets, toys, first-aid stuff, etc..etc..and it's all donated to them..you can actually go there and get all the supplies you need to make things, fabric for toys and what not and give it back and they send it elsewhere. Mormons are very generous people overall I think and very nice. Maybe naive and kept up in their religion..but it does seem to work for many families. The thing I always liked about it was the fact that they are very family-oriented. calling everyone sisters and brothers. I also think that the "prophet" of the church is a good man. I think he speaks very highly of God. And this is a lot coming from me I think because for a while I was completely turned-off by them, because I was made to go to church until I was 16. But I went back for a couple months when I was 19, to understand where I was raised and found many good people, just not my kind of religion. so anyway, lots of stereo-types and ignorance with people who just don't know. which is definately understandable. Another Christian religion is all
i tihnk the book of morman is bits of the bible plus some message from an angel......but the bible says that nothing shud b added or taken away from the word of god!even the angels of heaven will b judged.
The morman belief is kinda out there...but the vast majority of mormans I have met are very nice people. And their church does do a TON of chairty work. The morman church is probably the most connected of all the different types of churches in the christian religion. Where the baptist church I went to never really did much with the other baptist churches in the area, the morman churches seem to be really closely connected, like a huge family. But I don't know much about their beliefs besides what I learned off of South Park (which is probably not the best place for info), and what some mormans at work have told me.
