Mom has questions

My 19 y/o son still lives at home and is a regular marijuana user and I have a question.....do dealers give drugs to people without upfront money? We are in Ohio if that makes a difference. He is always asking me for money telling me he "owes" money to someone.....I am beginning to think he is just telling me this to extort money from me knowing I'll give it to him rather than have him in danger. Am I right to think he is using me or is he being true?

 

dealers will sometimes front weed to trusted buyers. There is always a possibility that he might actually owe money to friends for food and whatnot.

two questions: Does your son work? and how much money are we talking here?

 

hes prob using you for money, but he prob isnt in any danger. No money=no weed, unless you have some really good friends

 

most dealers wont give u marijuana them pay them later they usually want it upfront so mabye he actually does owe people or is just using it before hand to get marijuana.

 

its usually the buyer who pays first, then gets the marijuana later. Unless the dealer is a friend of his, which it very well may be(not all dealers are the stereotypical image of a "drug dealer") then its possible for him to get the marijuana first, then pay later. I'd also like to know how much money we're talkin, and how often. If hes only asking for a few dollars here and there, he most likely does owe a friend money for something. If its more than that, like 20, 30, etc, I'm not so sure...

 

He doesn't work.......can't seem to get a job that doesn't require drug testing.....what is up with that anyway? Guess I'm just a stupid Mom....enabler tattooed across my forehead. Everyone tells me to kick him out........

 

The amount is usually in the $100's..........I know you get it cheaper the more you buy, etc....which is why I suspect....although, his dealer is an uncle of his best friend...an older guy....but then again, he deals with different people too...it's all very confusing for this Mom...and my son is a chronic liar...so nothing he says can be believed.....sad

 

damn... yeah hes definately buying weed with your money

 

I know if I was 19 and still living at home i wouldnt dare ask my mother for money, let alone hundreds of dollars at a time.

 

you need to set up somthing were you let him do things to an extent under your viewing...i guess...and if you drug test him without consenquenses you can be sure that he is not doing any harder drugs, i wouldnt send him to a rehab thing if he only smoking dope......and how did you find out who his dealer was? cause that would be somthing i wouldnt be about to tell my parents

 

He could actually just owe people money, you know. But if he does owe money to drug dealers, there isn't much to worry about. If someone fronted him marijuana, there probably eather pretty nice or a good friend, so he isn't in any danger.

If you want my advice, you should stop giving him money and help him find a job W/O a drug test. (Drug tests ARE immoral, and even non-drug users sometimes shy away from jobs that require drug tests)

 

...Yeah thats a problem brewing

 

If its in the 100s and the dealer is a friends uncle, it seems pretty probable hes buyin weed with the cash.

 

how would u know?

 

i DONT know. but it seems pretty fucking probable if you ask me

 

*puff* yep...

 

Digital, because who the hell repeatedly owes hundreds of dollars to their friends?

Worriedmom, I say, stop lending him money. If he can't support his habit, that's his problem. He should have a job if weed is so important to him. Lots of places don't test, generally smaller businesses, but many bigger chains don't either. Kind of depends. I don't know what kind of work he'd be good for, but I'm sure he can figure something out. The job market is tight, I know, but it isn't THAT tight, retail stores always need employees, schools and offices always will need janitors. If he has some kind of skills, all the more to his advantage.

But for god's sake stop giving him money.

 

First of all I'd like to congratulate you on having (what seems to be) an open relationship with your son. You don't seem to be angry about the Marijuana use but the general laziness and disrespect he is showing you. Obviously I don't know anything about the situation past what you have said, but the situation usually is similar for many.

I'd honestly suggest you sit down with your son, tell him you are worried about his future. Normally I wouldn't say such a thing, but borrowing hundreds of dollars, being unemployed, and living at home at age 19 seems to show he doesn't know where to go in life. Ask him if he is doing any other drugs, ask where the money you give him is going. Tell him unless he gets a job, or gets back into school you are going to have to kick him out and cut off the money.

It sounds harsh, but maybe all he needs is a snap back to reality. Does he just expect to live with his mom for the rest of his life mooching off her and smoking weed?

At this point you hold all the cards, it's your house, money, food. You are long past your legal and ethical duties to take care of him. If he can't show any growth past smoking weed in his mom's house it's time for him to go.

 

Well, I can imagine this is a tough situation for you. From what I understand, moms generally put up with way too much shit from their teenagers. First of all, stop giving him cash. Now if you want to keep giving him money, that is your choice, but just be aware that he is NOT saving that money and IS buying smoke with it. Maybe even work out a system to ween him off the parental dependancy by continuing to give him less and less amounts of cash. Also, the drug testing exscuse is bullshit. I am a heavy smoker and I both work and pass drug tests. Every head shop sells products to mask the amount of THC metabolites in urine, and they even sell synthetic urine. There are also cleansing products available at GNC, though they are not marketed to beat drug tests.

And finally, I wouldn't be worried about your sons safety if he is just dealing with MJ. Yes it is an illegal substance sold on the black market, but most pot dealers are non violent stoners just looking to smoke for free. There are always exceptions of course, but I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it. It's easier to transcend into more profit driven (i.e. violent) black markets such as cocaine when you get around people who are breaking the law and selling weed, but rarely happens. Good luck with your son, he sounds like a pretty normal kid that just needs to grow up some.

 

In that case tell him to read up on passing drug tests (this forum has many threads about this issue), they are amazingly simple to pass, I know many people that have passed them and then continue to smoke marijuana.

Also, make an estimate of how much money you have lent him, or if you have kept a record of it, if not do so from now on, and make him pay it back.

Also, just out of interest, he is 19, when he gets a job will you expect him to pay you any rent or contribute to the bills/mortgage or anything?