This looks like a good place to write out my troubles. Here goes. We have two sons together who I adore. I just cant stand their Mother. We've been together 14 years. The last 8 I've been the sole breadwinner. She decided to quit work after the kids were in school in full time. She never helped on car or House payments. Spent most on drugs and food. She decided to take up a pain pill addiction and sold everything we owned and has drained our accounts and gotten me sued many times. I cant trust her. She is very disrespectful and hateful to me. She sits around smoking cigs and drinking pop all day. Shes on a epensive anti opiate drug. She badgers and bullies till she gets her way. I cant have anything nice because she'll sell it. I have a great job and love my sons more then anything. I know our fighting and unhappiness effects the kids. We haven't made love more then a couple times the past few years. She has gained a lot of weight and does nothing healthy to get in shape. After a fight last fall I went fishing and camping with a old friend, she went and got a restraining order on me out of anger. I had to live at a mission for a month till she got it dropped. She bounced 30 some checks while I was gone. I'm still paying that off. Everything is in my name. Her credits shot. She's super irresponsible. An opportunist who takes advantage of anyone and anything. We bought this property that needed a lot of work. She never lifts a finger to help yet will break a door down or a window if she gets mad. Besides her, I have my dream life, planning for early retirement and a eco adventure tourism type home business. Our place borders a state park with lakes, rivers, horse and hiking trails. Really nice place. I'm 40 and she's 36. We're not legally married. Neither of us believed in court sanctioned contract marriage. Sons are 11 and 13. I've thought about asking her what it would take for her to leave. Buy her off. She's blackmailed me about telling my company were not married when I lied that we were to get her on insurance. My only plan now is tough it out till the kids are out of school and just get another house or leave her hear till she moves. She has a empty house her folks owns she can go to anytime. Anyone relate to my situation? How did you deal with it?
Personally, I'd have kicked her to the curb years ago. I think here the kids can decide at 12 who they want to live with, I don't know what it's like where you are. It's going to be messy any way you slice it. I hope you get through it.
yes i can relate,except we were legally married,dealt with the shit for 20 years.made the situation much stickier. she received a inheritance and finally left on her own. even paid for the divorce.. i wouldnt worry about the little white lie on the insurance,i dont see it as a big deal. (i could be wrong. ) i would however discuss the matter with your HR person or whoever handles that BEFORE she has a chance to contact them. beyond that,indiana does not recognize common law marriages. kick her to the curb. you MAY have to serve her with a eviction notice but that should be it other than the inevitable battle for custody of the kids (although as said,hey may be allowed to choose ).because of that i would retain a lawyer for that before ya serve her a eviction notice. lawyers are expensive i know,but how much will she cost you if you wait till the kids are grown? good luck to ya..
Thanks guys! It's great not to be trolled with a subject like this. They say it helps to write things down. I really like Hip Forums. I used to hang out at 'Overgrow.com' before it got shutdown. Each day I'm trying to keep the peace for the kids sake and my own mental health. One awesome thing that came from living at the mission shelter. I've been off alcohol since last August! I drank hard for 15 + years. The place is newer, clean and strict rules and Catholic. I think its run by the Masons? The structure, diet, sleeping good hours, I biked and walked around a lot really helped me kick the habit (1 day at a time as they say in AA). The 'good herb' and coffee and tea are my simple pleasures now. I'm really hoping to make it to the Rainbow Gathering in New Mexico this year. I always want to go every year but something gets in the way. I haven't been to one since Kentucky in the early 90's (i think? or was it the late 90's LOL) Those were my Dead touring days between college breaks. Thanks again for the replies!
kentucky/alabama was 93. year only year its ever been split. oh the stories behind that i could tell.
If your not married cancel the credit cards and pull your money out of your joint account and start your own. My boyfriend, whom I love, got seriously addicted to opiates and drained our account. It was a joint account, but all of the money in it was mine. I just put him on it to cash his checks. After two times (he got clean in between and re-earned my trust, big mistake) I opened my own. We're still together, he's getting help, but I will NEVER trust him with money again. Drugs can affect your moods. When he was going through his thing he was so mean, irresponsible, and down right nasty. She needs help and your enabling her by giving her access to your money and estate. Let her go, but with love. Tell her if she doesn't get help you will no longer allow yourself or the kids to suffer with her. Most likely she will have to hit rock bottom, just don't let her drag the rest of the family with her. She will threaten, kick and scream, and it will be a big old mess. But that is what addiction does, I know. I've been chased around the yard for money to get high and it's hard and scary to stand up to that. I called his mom knowing it could permanently end our relationship but I choose his life and well being over my selfish desire to be with him. He gave me hell and I cried for a long time, but he never left me like I thought he would. Now he's been clean a long time and we couldn't be happier, though he still experiences his mood swings from time to time. It takes years, perhaps even a lifetime to come back from that. What are you willing to take to stay, but more importantly are you strong enough to leave
Wow. My situation seems so easy in comparison. My heart goes out to you Indydude. Here's some advice I've gotten/ lessons I have learned. Get a new account and a PO box for all your mail. Build up that secret account. If Indiana does not recognize common law, you are lucky, but what names are on the house? You'll probably have to sell and split, or pay her off. Come clean with the insurance, or simply drop her. The kids can stay on.
mama...I have the PO box and my banks secure. They helped me get a new account last year when she bounced over 30 checks one week. The house is in my name. She has a house near her moms she might move to. I'm working on that. She's on suboxone so shes not stealing for pills. chrystals, thats the big one for me too. Trust is the foundation for relationships. She fights about how I don't trust her with paying the bills, grocery shopping, etc..I've been burnt so many times and she still thinks she should get another try. I just want her to get a job so she can have her own money and take some of the load off me.
Why are you keeping your children in an environment like this? You have reasonable arguments for custody and I'd work on getting that. Your children don't deserve any of this.
Gypsy, Your right. My sons have been traumatized by our relationship. I'm slowly building our relationships stronger. I'm doing heavy soul searching on fighting for custody. They're 11 and 13.
