Maybe this won't make sense, but...

...here it is:

I am (or so I think, until I am told differently) dating this woman and things were seeming to get progressively better. She says she is a pretty devoted Christian woman, and at times actually acts like it.

That said, Thursday she goes out with her 'friend' (conveniently, her ex that she was massively in love with and wanted to marry a few years back) and they eat and go back to his place. They watch TV and decide to drink. I go by her house to put a teddy bear I won out of a machine under her wipers and her car is gone. She later fesses that she stayed at his house, sleeping in a separate bed.

The next day, she is evasive. Doesn't call me claiming to be 'busy', then we were due to go meet at a bar. I get there at 9:45, she is sitting with 2 girls and 3 other guys, and he is there. She ignores me and never acknowledges my prescence, so I mingle and hang with my peeps.

Please give me some sound advice as my heart has been raked over the coals too fucking many times to be hurt again; I will go into depression FAST.

 

Heya walko. Been a long time no see ya.

Sadly, the only thing I can see you doing here is walking away. I think she's made a choice.

Glad you're back safely.

 

Me too, but she text messaged my phone last night saying I forced her into the choice, Luvn, and how conceivably did I do that? Does caring about a person so much make them want to be with their ex's? I really don't understand, man.

Thanks for the 'welcome back'. Recent pic is in Member Photos forum.

 

1. She lied to you.

2. She stood you up (with you standing there, which is even worse).

3. She had to find a way to make it your fault.

I'd say this is a confused woman who doesn't know what she wants and wants someone else to tell her.

Unless you're a control freak, you wouldn't have gotten far.

Even if you found someway to make it work the best case senario is you'd wind up in a relationship with someone who lies, doesn't mind hurting and humiliating you, and can't take responsibility for her own actions.

Stop trying to figure out what's wrong with you. What's wrong with you is that you're probably just not sick enough for her.

 

That does sum it up well, because she tries to turn it back on me when she faults...question is, why would she feel the need to have someone else make her mind up for her? Seems rather pointless...but thank you for the statements...

 

Put a gun to her head, didja?

NaykidApe's got the right of it.

Walk on, bro, walk on.

 

because that way she has someone to blame things on if she makes the wrong choice.

and since every choice involves giving something up, for someone who wants things both ways every choice is a mistake.

 

Walk, she sounds like she has some real ugly issues stewing inside her. You might want to increase your rate of travel away from her, i.e. run.

 

And that, my friend, is a very key statement. Either way I look, I will receive the blame for whichever path she follows. She'll go through about 1.5 seconds of guilt, then forget I was a part of her life.

And blame me for making that choice.

The funny part about this--Thursday she brought me lunch and told me she was going out with her friends, which was cool. I dove a little farther into the details and found out she was going with this ex of hers which is a friend. I told her my fears of the situation, and when she went back to work---from that moment on---she has done everything to murder my heart---like my feelings didn't matter.

She made a statement to the effect of "I guess I am selfish--I am used to being able to do whatever I want".

 

She's a little girl. women like that usually want some one to take care of all the unpleasant details in life for her (like making decisions or taking responsibility for whatever) so she can go play.


She wants a guy to play daddy: someone who'll hold her when she's scared, spank her when she's bad, and never expect anything back except total control of the relationship.

In a sick way it works for some people, but only in a sick way. If you stay with someone like her, sometimes she'll be your master, sometimes she'll be your slave, but she'll never be your partner.

Relationships like that, even when they "work" are a lot of work and a lot of drama.

 

"Drama".

Wow, you are good. She accused me last night of starting drama. How? By caring? She said she don't like drama, either. I feel that if you are in a serious relationship with someone, there are certain bits of info that you have a right to know, and---now call me shallow---but I though the truth was one of those small bits of info...

So I was accused of starting drama when all I was doing was trying to be with her.

Yeah, 'drama' was the best rebuttal she had for my attempt at wanting to be with her.

 

Lol! Translation of what she's saying "I dont want your "drama" interfering with my drama".


People like that don't suffer from drama they're just carriers.

She would probably see any attempt at real intimacy as "drama".

"Drama" being anything that makes her uncomforatable. If something makes other people uncomfortable, it's just fun.

 

I have a habit of giving too much attention to certain guys when depressed, even in a relationship, and checking them out that way. Then if they do something that totally turns me off I completely ignore them. Or if something happens that causes me to snap out of that state of mind. I totally ignore.

You got yourself a chick who can't make up her mind and is dependant on guys for attention. Its that hole you can't fill in that style of mindless dating. Happens to me all the time. All I can say is don't give her what she doesn't deserve. Totally ignore her. Or tell to her face that you see the way she is behaving and that you don't like it. Tell her that its time to quit fucking with your mind and to quit seeing the ex she still is caring about. Or your out. She'll weigh her possibilities. I guarantee it. You just have to corner her about it.

Least she doesn't do shit behind your back. Plus you should probably talk to her about sittuations with her friends. And how laidback she gets with all sorts of males. Thats probably something shes old on but you are new to. Lack of communication obviously.

 

Do you think ignoring a person like that would cause them to see what they are missing and 'come into their own', so to speak? That sounds like pretty good logic.

This ex of hers is a big problem, and it is not the friendship that concerns me--it is the fact that she's been crashing at his pad last two days and acting like I dont exist--all this after we had a heart to heart and decided we'd try to do our best at this and were starting to be really happy. Everything was great, then Thursday happened....out of the blue.

 

Ignoring forces the person to think for themselves in reality and to observe. Yeah, friendships are awesome, especially with exs. This shows me that the partner can get along with those around her, even under odd circumstances. But the fact that she crashes at his pad and is careless about the wrong messages tells me something. Obviously she doesn't give a fuck about your thoughts or your feelings.

She wouldn't do that! Even so openly! She's got a problem of hopping from one guy to another and back and forth. Girls can be so unemotional when they want to be. Plus you know what this does? It makes a big problem reading men in the future because you never tried a normal simple relationship. Least for me. So this will screw her over sooner or later.

Make yourself look like you aren't suffering but show that this isn't approved. Because obviously she pays no attention to the verbal or emotional side of things. Its all physical. So play the game. But put it in your ballpark because she thinks she can run the show.

Good luck.

 

Anytime I start considerring stratagies I know it's time to go.

Walking away from her will probably get her coming after you but if you don't mean it it's only a temporary fix, a way of controling her, and unless that's the kind of relationship you want you're just stalling the inevitable.

Even if you figure out how to play the game--it's still just a game. And games always backfire.

 

Ankita, that was perfect. I guess what I needed was to hear it from a woman. I just hope that she realizes that I am a great source of love and positive vibes, and can balance the forces of emotional and physical stimuli in a relationship. In other words, I'm not out for a fuck...I'm a keeper!

 

I understand what you are saying, Nay, I am just trying my best to figure this all out and only want the best possible result for both parties. If she needs some sort of help for some manic-depression I don't know about, I want to help. If I am not the one for her, at least I can get her in the right direction for the person that may one day be.

 

I hate to say it, walk, but it's probably not out of the blue. Women (and men, too) who behave like this don't suddenly start behaving like this overnight. No, I'm not saying she's been scamming you the whole time, but if she came right and said to you that she's used to having her own way (as you said in the other post) then yeah, I'd say it's a pattern. Run for your life...those kinds of people don't usually change their habits for others. You sound like a kind and loving person - why not find yourself a kind and loving person to be with, instead of someone who is going to play these kinds of games with you?

 

once a woman, always a woman.
oh shit did i say that out loud?