Lusting after others while in a relationship

Hey I'm new here and have been readin some of your topics, I'm feelin kinda down about some stuff and I'd just like your opinions really!

I'm nearly 18 and have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years (he's 19) things have been great, obviously we've had our ups and downs but I've always been mature for my age and we've worked stuff out. Anyway, my problem is he loves me sooo much, feels like almost too much.

I know this sounds silly but it kinda makes me uncomfortable when he says he never looks at other women in a sexual way (and I believe him - he is different when speaking about celebrities, or people he would never have an opportunity to sleep with). I think it's normal to fantasise or look at other people such as workmates, but I might think this because I have immense crushes on people.

I've always had a real thing for older men, I kinda like the idea of being the younger girl that makes them feel young, so when they toddle off back to their wives they feel relieved, if you understand?

Anyway one of my crushes is getting a bit out of hand, I'm finding myself dreaming about him, thinking about him and visualising my boyfriend as him during sex, anyway have anything similar goin on? I kinda just need some closure or something...

Thanks for readin, sorry its so long once I started writing it just pours out!!

xx

 

Looking at other people is completely normal

However, I would feel rather betrayed if someone I was having sex with was fantasizing that I was someone else entirely. And, knowing my temper of late, would make me break up with them so that they could go fuck the person they fantasize about.

If you feel like your crush is getting out of hand, then try to shut him out of your mind. Don't think about him during sex. Think of someone else during masturbation. Limit contact with him til things are back to more of a normal level

 

I wholly disagree. Do not repress your feelings. Instead what you should do is TELL your boyfriend exactly what you wrote here.

It's tough but it has to be done otherwise you'll find yourself in an even tougher situation down the line. If it turns out that you two break up, well, that just has to happen. Believe me I've been there. You can't simply repress your feelings for others, not communicate them to your partner, and expect the relationship to work.

 

Just because your on a diet-doesn't mean you can't smell the food.

 

Thanks for the replies, I'm feeling better today, have decided that I wasn't even trying with my boyfriend anymore so am going to make the effort!


However have been texting with older guy, he keeps telling me he misses me and all that stuff people say, I'm gonna keep this quiet from people but I think I have it under control!

Anyone else experiened things like this recently?

Once again thanks

x

 

I haven't
I fantasize about other girls at times, but my thoughts always go back to her

I agree wiht Ihmurria that I would feel betrayed if someone was thinking about someone other than me while being intimate with me
and I agree with the other person that you should tell your boyfriend
repression only makes things worse

 

Its just the thrill of the chase. Careful, Temptation kills, but remember the consequences. I hate to say it but I have a tendency to run when I realize I crave anothers attention, but Ive stopped. its more human nature then most realize.

 

crushes that don't go anywhere and fantasizing are one thing..... texting and communicating some flirtyness with that huge crush is quite another, in my opinion. if you want to go out and experience things more htan you want to be with your very loving boyfriend, then go do it and break it off with him. he doesn't sound like the type that will be open to any kind of poly/open relationship so i think breaking up would be best. otherwise, be real. to the relationship and to your boyfriend and yourself. do you want this relationship? is it more important to you to work it out with him than to experience fantasies in real life? or vice versa? you could be leading him into hearbreak... but it would be worse if you strayed and he found out and etc etc... drama... than to break up with him now while you are still young and wanting to experiment...

i hope that makes sense. just... be real with yourself. it doesn't make any sense to cheat and be fake and lie about who you are and what you want... makes things more difficult in the end, usually. (some ppl like that sort of thing of course... actors in the game of life... playing parts/characters)

i'm a little drunk........