Losing friends

One of the worse things about getting older is that your friends start dying, one by one. It breaks your heart.

The other day, I got an email from a guy I knew in college. We had been friends, study partners, lovers, and political commiserators during the late 60's in Santa Barbara. He was just diagnosed with leukemia. They give him six months to live.

You always know in your head that this is eventually going to happen, but knowing it doesn't ease the pain of losing parts of your youth.

 

Funny, but I seemed to lose more close friends in my 20s than I do as I grow older.

The war and drugs took to many away to young, I understand that as we age our humanity will start to take it's toll, but for now it seems the old saying (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger) is proving true..

Peace

 

LOL ... well, you're only 57 ... you're still a kid

 

man, i'm not even your guys age and my friends already die

 

Yeah, I know the feelin' My two long-term partners are both dead (in their 50's - far too young).

As mentioned 'Nam took a lot of guys of our generation (10% of the guys in my graduating class). My first loss of a childhood friend was when I was in my 20s. A 2nd cousin that I played with died of diabetes. It was a shock, the first contemporary to die.

For those of us with a lot of gay male friends AIDS sorta conditioned us to the loss before getting too old.

 

Sorry to hear about your friend,Granny.A bunch of my good friends are gone from various causes and I miss them a lot.Our time is almost over and so it goes.

 

sorry for your loss--i have 2 friends left--drugs killed the rest--grieve for awhile--Peace

 

have just seen that this is an old'ish thread, but maybe it's a good reminder to catch up with old friends, before it's too late.
time seems to pass so quickly when one is older, it scares me. and that once or twice i've left it late, and the news hasn't been good.
somehow, we seem to expect, that those old friends will always be around, like we are now, but it ain't neccessarily so.
well that's put me in a sentimental and reflective mood for the day!

 

If you get a chance listen to Phil Lesh and Friends "Live at the Warfield." The disk starts Phil giving a speech on this subject I found very touching. Talking about losing friends and how it happens quicker as you get older.
Peace OUt,
Rev J

 

not sure if your reply was meant for me Reverand JC, but will certainly check out phil lesh if i can find it.

 

I was just thinking of this last night before I fell asleep - seriously. It occurred to me that one day, death won't be happening on and in the news, and it won't be my older and distant family, and it won't be a friend of a friend. It'll be my mother, and my high school friends, and my husband.

But death isn't the opposite of life, it's a part of life, and I'm going to have to deal with it when it happens. In the meantime, there's nothing to gain from worrying over it.

This


(ETA: Sorry, I didn't see which forum this was in until I hit "Post"... hazard of clicking "New Posts" I guess XD Seeing as I'm 23, delete it at will! I can't seem to figure out how to do it myself...)

 

Maybe in a cosmic way. But if it helps you very good. I read a line from John Lennon I'm paraphrasing but I beleive it was, "I am not really afraid of death. I look at it like geting out of one car and getting into another."

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

My husband passed away last month and although I know he's gone, the feeling we all keep experiencing is that any minute he will walk in the door. We'd been together since our teens, 42 years of ups and downs. No rose coloured specs here, at times he was an itch I couldn't scratch, but he was my itch and always seemed such a forever guy. He would scan the obituaries in the local paper and say jokingly "well we're getting to that age now."

My mother died when I was 23 and that was perhaps a greater shock than my husbands passing...I think parents are ultimate immortals in the eyes of their children. It might sound crazy but I was with my husband for so long I have forgotten such a lot of our life together. My daughter says the memories will return given time and I'm sure they will, but at present everything is strangely removed...difficult to explain.

Death is a part of life and spring is on the way and I find myself enjoying the sun's warmth, it's just when I see or hear something and think, "I must tell Jim that", that I'm pulled up sharply.

Thank you for listening, this has helped. Blessings to everyone.

 

...........:grouphug:



Cheers Glen.

 

I know that feeling, the inertia of a life as two. It will likely pass eventually, or at least slow down (now and then, 10 years later I have those thoughts) but in a way I don't mind that phantom connection to our union.

 

I've noticed it big time - and most of my friends didn't tie in Nam. Just sickness. I have spent the last 6 months tracking people down to just to hear their voice again. My old high school (Provine - Jackson, MS) had a web site for my class ('66). The've got a memorial video on there that brings tears to my eyes. All the faces are high school kids and they're all dead. Unreal!! How could it be??

I have gotten to talk to old friends I never thought I would speak to again though - which was really cool.

 

this thread prompted me to do something about it, so today i tracked down a friend from the past and had a really good conversation with them, and got contact details of a couple of others too.
many of us think, well, there's always tomorrow, but sometimes tomorrow doesn't come, so from now on, will update my address book and keep in touch, and also remember to tell each and every one of them how much i value their friendship and love.

but i'm still scared of dying,
even though someone here said it was like hopping from one car to another.
there's still so much to do and see in this life, but one thing it is doing, is make me appreciate every single minute and take nothing for granted again.

 

Thanks for the hugs Glen. I agree Shale, I don't mind the phantom of us hanging around. Yesterday I walked in the woods with our little dog and we paused awhile under a canopy of Scots pine and listened to the birdsong. Felt very peaceful and good.

In some ways my husband's best friend is finding this harder than us. He finds making friends difficult and is prone to depression, a bit of a loner. Jim had patience and understanding and could bring him out of himself and I think now he feels he has no-one, he can't believe he'll never see his best friend again.

 

I'm a widow too. Somehow, life does go on, even as you know it will never be the same.

I have men friends now whom I date, after a fashion. They're good men, and I'm sure they would make wonderful partners for someone. But a part of me died that day along with my husband, and it will never come back to life. It's not that I'm unhappy now, because I have my kids and grandkids and friends. I enjoy life. But my husband's passing left a wound that will never heal.

But such is life on this earth.

 

"Life goes by so fast
You only want to do what you think is right
Close your eyes and it's passed
The story of my life,"
Social Distortion

Peace Out,
Rev J