Lonesome in My Ship -------------------------- This is the very last message I would write and send, As for every start, there must be an end. The ocean is too wide. I chant a favorite song, Observing horizon, restless the whole day long. Life goes by, lonesome in my ship, Fighting the fatal waves, perusing the trip. Yearning for the land, recalling the past, Pondering how the time, can sail away that fast! I can see the sharks spinning there in rounds, I can see the shadows, I hear the thunder sounds. No ships around in the scene, and no glimpse of light. Not much can be seen, but only waves and fight! Retreating back to cabin, wishing there to rest, To see a sign of land, to reach the end of quest, "Morning is much better", grand mother said, Now I got a smile, as finally tears are shed.
an observation... on one part of this in hopes that it helps your thoughts on building this poem (and other poems)... after retreating back to cabin... it doesn't follow that you would "see a sign of land" from the cabin... although I guess it could have a window. In my eye I see someone "retreating" (good choice of word here) from the quest for a moment... so perhaps this: retreating back to cabin, wishing there to rest, to dream a sign of land, to reach the end of quest, Good luck with your writing...
Thanks really for the comment. I meant.... Wishing there to rest. Wishing to see a sign of land. Wishing to reach an end of quest.
okay, I see how I confused it. Not sure what to suggest to bring that thought through in it... perhaps by removing the word "to" from in front of both... retreating back to cabin, wishing there to rest, dream a sign of land, reach the end of quest, thanks for sharing your poem. take care,
