Life is hard

Especially if you're an intelligent, individualistic person.

I mean, there are different types of intelligence. Some people are very book smart and excel academically. I was never one of those people. School always bored the fuck out of me and I was a horrible student who could never focus. I was diagnosed with ADD in kindergarten and placed on Ritalin.

At the same time I was labeled as "gifted" when I was in the first grade and have a 159 IQ. I am not bragging. I don't give a fuck, really. I have nothing to show for it.

I can be quite inarticulate at times, especially when I am nervous, which I usually am around people I don't know well. Thinking of what to say can be difficult. Small talk is a joke. I end up feeling dull and boring.

I have always been a misfit. I have never really fit in.... anywhere. I have issues with conformity.

So now I am 31 (will be 32 in Feb) and work a shitty job, wondering what the fuck I am going to do to achieve somewhat of a normal life before I get too old. It is sooooo depressing, man. I don't like where I am. I am an underachiever, big time. I can never seem to get the ball rolling.

My interpersonal relationships... the ones I have.... suck. I always end up around stupid, ignorant people who only know how to take advantage.

I think pot has held me back in a big way. Alcohol for that matter, too, though I don't drink as much as I used to. It seems like these days I cannot smoke because it's not even enjoyable and makes me focus too much on negative shit.

Paranoid? Yes.

I often come across bitter and depressed on these forums because I am. I see the world for what it is. It's a pretty fucking sad world. I find that ignorance truly is bliss... for most people anyway.

If I come across like an asshole sometimes, it's not because I want to. It's just the way I am. I am not going to change so that people have a favorable opinion of me. It really doesn't matter.

/rant

(I wrote this because I cannot sleep and need to vent. I feel like this is a TMI moment, but fuck it.)

 

Omg me too I always didn't understand how I could have a mental problem that required medication and still be the smartest one in the class

 

i was in a gifted program too...until they booted me out because that shit bored me...i didnt want to do "extra" work...fuck that...i was happy to do just enough for passing grades

I am guilty


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwBthlVKgmU"]Papillon - Dream #1 - Desert Trial - YouTube

 

I was in the stupid classes thgrough high school all seem lucky to me

 

You are intelligent. Now, the wise thing to do is to admit that the world is the way it is and then figure out what you will do to feel peace and joy despite all that. Things in the world won't dramatically change during your lifetime but why go to your grave angsty and miserable? Life is a mind game. Learn to love it before it's over.

 

I'm an "Outsider"...This means I don't even fit in with the supposedly "open-minded","out there" people who think they're cool and treat "alternative" as though it were a life-style option.I see them everywhere in the trendy parts of London,especially the part I grew up in.Most of my friends are outsiders too.These seem to be largely the only people I can relate too.The misfits and failures.But what is "failure"? You can be a failure by "Worldly" standards yet still try to be a a success as a human being,by trying to remain true to yourself and doing the things that seem right to you.I know.It's hard.Very,very hard.

 

You need a release. You need a bag to punch and a shoulder to cry on. Your like us all. You didn't ask to be born into this world. You didn't understand at the time how your decisions would effect you later on. You were too young. No one can blame you for that. You realize that the machinery that you are now part of thrives off of the lives that have no true direction. People like us.

We(or at least I) are with you. You're not alone. None of us are. I am convinced that the majority of people like us will have a big hand in changing things for the better here. You must keep in mind the positives. You aren't hurting anyone. You've a drink when your thirsty and a bite when your stomach needs one. Its not so bad. Band together with others like yourself that you find and relish the tranquil animosity we all feel between us and the other machinery. Pick up an art form if you don't already have one. You have a perspective that is honest. Others can easily pick up on that.

Stay up man.

 

What would make you happy?

 

It's your movie dude, fuck the clowns! lol

Good luck 'Rat

 

Sounds like we are twins.

I'm exactly the same. I can't enjoy this world, as much as I want to, because of all the shit and suffering. Been like this since I remember, also put on Ritalin from a young age. Motivation? whats that? I'm the kind of person that has a million ideas, maybe gets started on a few but I get bored easily and never finish.

Find something, anything, that you enjoy and can do freely. Even just finding a nice spot somewhere where you can really be at peace away from the chaos. It helps a lot. The shit is still there but for a moment it almost disappears and moments like those are ones to be cherished. I paint, that is my escape, that is my safe place where I can just be myself and say fuck you world, that's where my emotions come out because anywhere else it would be a disaster.

PM me if you like. I know exactly how you feel, every single minute and talking kind of helps.

 

if anyone thinks that this is tmi, they don't have to read it. please don't worry

you do come across as depressed and bitter. you don't come across as an asshole to me.

I don't think that you have to worry about coming across as who you are.

there's a lot of bad things in the world, but good things too. you can learn to relate to life in a better way. there are people who are happy who are not simply blind or ignorant

most likely the negative experiences you've had, plus social isolation have given you a negative outlook.

that's something you can change

you might want to read the book "curing depression naturally with chinese medicine" by bob flaws. you also might want to look into more conventional treatments for depression

being in a more positive social setting would probably help you a lot

career counseling might be helpful for you. you obviously have a lot of talent. if you can better understand what exactly you are good at and what you aren't, you may be able to find a career that is more to your liking

hope that some good things start coming your way soon!

 

:rofl::smilielol5::nopity:

Ok, just kidding. I can identify with you in a few areas. I don't think I'm quite as socially awkward as you...but I do know what you mean. I tend to go the opposite way and talk too much.

I also have a terrible sense of humour.

 

I is smart 2..

 

yes, you do

 

Life has been hard since I was a kid too... They just didn't use fancy terms like ADD and they didn't put kids on Ritalin. I just sucked at school and words like "unmotivated" were used. I remember taking an IQ test but don't know what mine was/is and when I asked my Father about this much later in life he said that they didn't give out the scores because they didn't want kids saying "I'm smarter than you" or some such... Whatever.

Anyways, you can see you are not alone in this, Pressed Rat, so you can lighten up now.

 

I was just trying to lighten the mood. :blush5:

 

I can relate to this more than you (or anybody) may realize. I haven't always been the wise and amusing individual I am now. lol However...I honestly and truly do understand.

I know what it is like to feel bitter deep down and at the same time feel lost/unable to change those feelings. It is quite easy to say "Just don't feel that way, man!" It is quite another thing to accomplish it.

I hope that you don't have to get to the bottom of the pit in order to find your way out. That is what happens sometimes. For a time I was in the pit, had forgotten how to laugh and couldn't stand even being around happy people. Yeah...I was a peach to be around.

I'd ALWAYS known how to laugh...but for a time I forgot. I think that is a key thing: you just HAVE to be able to laugh at yourself as well as others, and even at life. Of course I realize that is just impossible sometimes; but, for the most part I think that is the biggest part of the answer. The other part is being able to let things go, "drop it". I'm not saying to let everything go...but it will help you in everything you do if you learn to choose your battles. Choosing your battles will definitely involve letting some things just go.

So, that's my .02 worth...Laugh and learn to choose your battles/be able to "drop it". I promise you that you will be a happier person inside when you are able to do those 2 things.

 

gifted here too... dropped out of university... work a job i don't really like. we have a lot in common.

 

I don't know, life is good. I'm just smart enough to make it work for me.

 

i'm kind of similar in some aspects as well. never had the ADD, at least as far as i know. got good grades even though i never made any effort. and i have a decent job now with pretty good potential for advancement.

but, like you, i am considered intelligent, am extremely socially awkward, and never really fit in with anyone. i also was depressed for much of my life, but then i basically just taught myself to ignore the shitty aspects of life (or just turn them into a joke) and focus on the ones that don't suck, and ever since then i am actually pretty happy.

i think i know a few people here that would agree with that..